+=={The Enlightenment Itself}==+
Saturday, May 05, 2007
.: The truth about yourself part II: move the universe :.
In our last philosophical venture, I have come to the conclusion that self is the center of the universe, the reason that everything happens, and the most important thing in the universe. If you don’t already have an ego the size of a planet please stop reading here, and proceed to read my last post if you haven’t. If you have already read it and is still not convinced that what I posted is the ultimate truth, then read it again, and again, for as many times as is necessary. If you are still not convinced then perhaps it’s time to give up. You must admit you are simply not the material for true enlightenment, but to reward you for your hard work I shall allow you to read on anyway.
Naturally after we learn addition we learn the applications of addition, after we learn subtraction we learn the applications of subtraction, after we learn differentiation we must definitely, sooner or later learn the applications of differentiation and similarly for integration and most of the more significant thinking methods. Therefore now that we are all satisfactorily convinced and enlightened of the truth, it is time for us to apply it, and find out what it really means to be the most important being in the universe.
Since I am the sole verifiable understanding of the universe, the universe must necessarily extend from my consciousness and away. Since I am, by definition, at the very center of the universe, it must be the case that when I walk, run, jog or “move” in any form or method, it is in fact the case that I am moving the entire universe around me instead of the common misconception that I am moving in the universe. In other words, I am by some magical reason the only inertial frame in the universe (of what exact nature it is difficult to know, perhaps I have infinite “true mass”, or perhaps it is due to some mystical force current science is not yet aware of), and when I try to “move”, I am actually causing an acceleration of the universe. It is a very Pokemon thing, no matter which place you “move” to, you are always at the center of the screen. Similarly the observable truth is that I am not moving, but the universe is, since I can see the roads moving underneath me, but not me moving away from myself.
But what force is it that allows me to move the universe around? Apparently it should not be my muscles, since I don’t think I have the strength to strangle a chicken if you give me one. Hence this force must be of a mental or psychic nature (and it is logical for it to be so since I believe my mind is much stronger than my limbs), and this force affects every individual particle (except my own, and those which are in direct contact with myself like my clothes and shoes) in the universe equally, and does not diminish at any distance. It is obvious that this force, as infinite as it might seem, must be “less infinite” than the mass of the universe, since obviously I can’t move around the universe at will, at my own desired speed. Also, not all of this force can be tapped onto voluntarily, since apparently when on a car, bus, MRT or plane I am able to move the universe faster than I am usually able to on foot.
Once we make these postulates, some of the originally inexplicable things become immediately clear, almost intuitive in fact. The reason why I have failed, time and again, to pass my 2.4km runs are simply because the part of this mental force accessible to me is insufficient to do the immense amount of work associated with moving the universe around so much. Let us do some simple physical calculations to find out the exact magnitude of the amazing feat I am performing each time I run around the RJ/RI/Bukit Gombak Stadium track.
Now, first we establish the assumption that when I run, the universe moves under me at a speed of 400m/120s, which is around 3 m s^-1. My walking speed would be 400m/400s, which is around 1 m s^-1. The speed of the universe when I am stationary would of course be 0 m s^-1. The mass of the observable universe is estimated to be 3 x 10^52 kg, and since we can’t really verify what we can not see, let us for now assume it is the mass of the universe I am moving. Merely by starting to run, I would have accelerated the universe from 0 m s^-1to 3 m s^-1, and this means my psychic powers would have done the work equal to
½m (Vfinal)2 - ½m (Vinitial)2
= ½ (3 x 1052 kg)(3 m s-1)2 – 0
=1.35 x 1053 J
Note that this amount of work does not factor in the work done on the resistive forces that slow the universe down! Apparently this mysterious resistive force is too large to be ignored, since when I stop trying to run, I decelerate immediately to my walking speed of around 1 m s^-1, in a short time of 2 seconds. This means that by rough estimations, the resistive force that the universe experiences when I move it at 3 m s^-1 is
F = ma
F = (3 x 1052 kg) (1m s-2)
F = 3 x 1052 N
This also means that I have to exert a mental force of 3 x 10^52 N to keep the universe moving at 3 m s^-1 (!) The work I must do if I constantly move the universe at 3 m s^-1 for the entire distance would therefore be
W.D = Force x Distance
W.D = 3 x 1052 N x 1500 m (I walk quite a lot)
W.D = 4.5 x 1055 J
Since I usually slow down for around 5 times each time I do my 2.4, the total work done is roughly
T.W.D = 5 x 1.35 x 1053 + 4.5 x 1055 J
T.W.D = 4.57 x 1055 J
And all the mortals moving around the track are laughing at me, who am moving the track around! (And of course, the whole universe together with it) (To my mom, I am not defining myself as stationary so that I can be lazy. Look at the sheer amount of work I am doing each time I lift my legs!)
Unfortunately, my calculations are also flawed.
Firstly it is of general consensus, as well as of my own believe, that the universe extends far beyond what we can see with our eyes and telescopes. Hence the amount of work I do could be much more than the above calculated value.
Secondly, the resistive force that slows the universe down apparently scales with the velocity the universe is moving with respect to me. For simplicity’s sake I assumed it as a constant value. (Of course I hope it is a constant value, since it means I can just slack off, do nothing and the universe would move forwards with respect to me, and I’ll finish 2.4 in record time, and in a stylish backwards running manner, too. But no, things just have to be difficult for me :S)
Of course the above was calculated on the grounds that I was setting the universe in a translation motion, moving backwards with respect to my front. But obviously the track is of a roughly oval shape, and hence in fact I am making the universe turn with an angular velocity of 2π/120seconds = 0.0524 s^-1 we can find the work I am doing by defining the universe to be a large cube of density 3 x 10^-27 kg/m^3, find the moment of inertia and find the increase in angular kinetic energy, but since I am too tired now I shall not do that.
Finally as a side note, this theory also explains the intense dizziness I get after doing sit ups, spinning myself around like a madman or alternatively going on the merry go round. This dizziness is actually extreme mental exhaustion from setting the universe in angular motion, and then stopping it again.
Rejected instrumentality at 11:31 AM
