Scripture of Fate

Last of my childhood dreams

2011-04-26T21:16:00.003+08:00

Dead.

Fantasies are but mere fantasies.

Terminal velocity of certain falling flowers

2010-12-29T20:22:00.005+08:00

It seems odd that boredom is always accompanied by an inexplicable urge to watch animes. This certainly isn't the most productive way to spend my few days of free time, but I have nevertheless succumbed to the temptation. Watching a good anime and neglecting to write a review seems to be barbaric injustice, hence the following:

Disappearance of Suzumiya Haruhi

The numerous plot twists in this movie (which I assume must have been very exciting to viewers who do not already know the plot) have more or less no effect on me, because I have already been spoiled by the light novel. Despite this, it is obvious that the producers have finally came to their senses after the miserable failure that was Haruhi Season 2. Whether or not this movie deserves to be the top rated anime movie (according to rankings on myanimelist.net) is debatable, but it is certainly fair to say that Disappearance has managed to replicate the magical ingredients which made Haruhi Season 1 the phenomenon it was.

Time of Eve/ Eve no Jikan

Asimov would be proud to see this. Certain less interested individuals may find this to be slightly boring, but I think it is quite refreshing for an anime. In a society where popular culture is flooded with Terminator-esque technophobic sci-fi, Time of Eve brings up questions which are more realistic, but have been neglected due to our overwhelming fear of being killed by giant monster robots. These same questions are also particularly relevant when human-machine relationships are brought under scrutiny due to products such as love-plus.

Mushishi

A masterpiece with amazing atmosphere. Unfortunately, as a student of science there was quite a bit of difficulty in the suspension of disbelieve, particularly when ridiculous explanations for phenomenon were mentioned as if they were fact. Disregarding scientific accuracy however, the poetic, episodic nature of the series provide a good examination of the entire spectrum of human relationships. Of particular interest is the defiance of "happily ever after" endings; in more than one arc the main character provides helpful suggestions and leaves (and the arc could have ended here!), only to return "x-years later" and witness a sad ending.

5 centimeters per second

It is probably not rare for viewers to identify with the characters in an story, since stories are often reflections of reality. Furthermore, though we may wish our lives to be unique and special, people experience largely similar events in their lives, and hence have more or less the same problems and emotions.

Taking this into account, the intensity with which the emotions in this movie with my own is still outstanding. Through this movie, the lost souls who have been corrupted by the cruel realism of society are given a chance to reminisce their pure and innocent childhood feelings.

Of course, this wouldn't apply to those with relatively boring and uneventful childhoods.

Flying Into the Clouds

2010-07-12T19:52:00.003+08:00

Higher and higher my hopes are rising... but if this dream crashes it is REALLY going to hurt. A lot. Like excruciating pain. The mere thought of it sends waves of fear through me.

That which is creeping up on me from behind... is it happiness or suffering?

Selfish Coward

2010-07-04T20:38:00.000+08:00

Again.

Schrodinger's Box

2010-07-01T19:20:00.004+08:00

A boy stood alone before a closed door. His arms were tightly wrapped around a silver box. The corners of the box pricked his skin mercilessly, but the boy refused to loosen his grip. He waited patiently in the quiet corridor.

The door before the boy opened. An old man in a lab coat emerged and closed the door behind him. A spark of hope flashed across boy's eyes, which were otherwise flooded with anxiety and sadness. The spark quickly grew into a persistent flame. The doctor he was waiting for was finally going home.

"Sir, can you cure a cat suffering from this?" The boy held out a crumpled piece of paper. His right hand tightened its grip on the silver box for fear of dropping it.

The doctor sighed, and took the piece of paper from the boy's hands. He looked at scribbling on it and sighed again. "Young man, do you know what it means for a condition to be 'terminal'? Besides I am not a vet; sorry."

The persistent hope in the boy's eyes flared. "But sir, what about the procedure suggested in your article?"

The doctor considered his options. He could have gotten rid of the boy with something along the lines of "Give me your contact number, I'll see what I can do." He could then return to his daily routines without any further problems from this boy and his foolish demands.

After a short moment of silence, the doctor turned around to open the already locked door. "Come in," he said.

----------------------------------------

The boy was at a playground with his precious box. For the first time in quite a long while, his hope was more than just a tiny seed in his heart. Since the meeting with the doctor, his hope sprouted and grew into a healthy sapling.He can't remember very well when he was last happy. His cat was a healthy little kitten then, and so many things have happened since.

A little girl around his age arrived. She came before the boy, staring at the box he was holding. Her expression screamed of curiosity.

"What's that?" The girl asked.

"Schrodinger's Box" Came the reply.

"What is in that box?" The girl couldn't pronounce the name of the box, so she asked about its contents instead.

"A Cat." The boy looked at the box fondly.

"A toy cat?"

"He's not a toy. He's real."

"A real cat? But a cat is an animal, and animals need food, air and ... um... water! You can't keep a cat in a box like that!" The girl recited what she had just had learned in school.

The boy looked sad. Of course, the box's designers accounted for such obvious needs. Food, air or water, there was enough of each to last fifteen years. Besides, the very design of the box was meant to protect its contents from terminal disease, and it would be rather ironic if the cat were to die from a lack of basic needs. Then again, there was something deep within tugging at him, telling him it was simply wrong to keep an animal like that.

"He won't die inside there." The boy did not bother to explain that in every single conceivable example of 'certain death', there is always a tiny chance of miraculous survival. The box is made such that no information from within it can ever possibly escape without the box being opened; this means that to the outside universe, the entire system within the box is a quantum superposition of states, and the cat within is both 'alive' and 'dead' at the same time. In other words, the cat could never truly die as long as it was inside the box.

"You're just lying to yourself! Is your cat sick? Maybe he'll get better if we bring him to a vet it will get better! Come on, let's open the box!"

"No!" The boy snapped. But he was not angry at the girl, for she was right. He was angry at himself. She might not understand the physics behind the box, but her point about self delusion was nevertheless valid. Even if the cat couldn't die within the box, the very moment the box was opened, the possibilities would collapse back into reality, and he would almost certainly find a very dead cat within the box. There would likely be no live cat for the doctor to cure, even if his cure is indeed effective. The boy has not overlooked this, he has merely refused to consider the possibility. What he was keeping alive in the box was not the cat, but the hope in his heart.

On a very basic level, the boy was nothing more than an ostrich burying his head in the sand to hide from danger.

--------------------------------------------------------------

He who chooses to be ignorant will be allowed to keep his hope at the expense of not knowing the truth.

There are uncertainties, and often truths revealed are painful. In the end, I am just a chicken avoiding the truth and denying confirmation in order protect the frail hope inside me. When someone spoke my mind, i could not even gather enough courage to conveniently steal his voice and use it as my own. I'm still the same selfish coward I was long ago.

--------------------------------------------------------------

I don't know if what I am reading are hints or merely misinterpreted words, but it's feeding my hopes and when/if I fall from my cloudy dreams it will be doubly painful.

Hope is a dangerous thing

2010-06-29T19:29:00.003+08:00

That which crushes the farmer's spirit may not be drought, but the cloud drifting silently towards him, and then silently away without shedding a single drop.

That which renders a lost child crying by the side of the road may not be a lack of travel fare, but the many taxis approaching from the distance, all refusing to go where his home is.

When adversity fails to kill, hope will often finish the job - sometimes by evaporating into air like it never existed in the first place; other times by painfully shattering into useless pieces just a moment before it can materialize.

The desperate man marooned many years ago has not yet lost his insanity to solitude. Yet will he survive the hope which presents itself as a barely visible speck on the horizon. If he should summon all his remaining strength to gather twigs and leaves for a smoke signal, will he survive when he the speck on the horizon disappear like the trick of light it always was? If he should burst his lungs and burn his throat screaming and waving at the speck growing into an approaching ship, will he survive when the cruel vessel fails to take notice and slowly but surely sails away?

I know full well that hope is probably just a water bomb ready to explode right in my face. It will probably end up a painful reminder of my harsh fate. Yet i cannot ignore it, for it looks too much like my dream.

I haf 500APM at StarCraft 2....

2010-04-10T20:42:00.002+08:00

...not. Nice looking rankings, except there are at least 79 divisions, each with platinum, gold, silver, bronze and copper ladders. That makes me at best the top 20%, and at worse I'm just a random noob squashing a few other random noobs. (The latter case being more likely since those krazy koreans in division 1 would have likely played OVER 9000 games by now -- not such a good idea to play them eh?)

Congratulations

2009-03-30T22:26:00.001+08:00

and you're welcome.

Part 5a: B World

2008-12-06T20:59:00.002+08:00

I took one last look at the ancient parchment before crushing it. A bright green spark jumped from my thumb, setting the crumpled paper ablaze. The powdery ashes slid through my bony fingers and formed a heap on the cracked earth beneath. The map had served me well but was now worthless.

I turned my attention to the final obstacle between me and my prize. Twenty five men stood in two rows before me, stubbornly blocking the entrance to the ruins.

At the front was a tight phalanx formation of fifteen soldiers clad in crystal plates and wielding gleaming mirror shields. Their translucent suits of armor gave off soft pink glows, beneath which a further layer of golden chainmail was visible. In a duel against a mage these marvelous pieces of equipment would serve to block the worst parts of a spell, hopefully allowing their wearer to reach the mage before he is fried to a crisp or frozen into a solid block. Many young wizards who believed that elemental magic could decimate anything were defeated by these crystal plates. Of course the assumptions made by those wizards were not entirely wrong but merely inaccurate. Elemental magic could indeed overwhelm the defenses provided by any armor, if only it was sufficiently strong. About one third of a decently powerful spell would pass through the armor, leaving the warrior either stunned or injured. At a strategic distance, any mage with good concentration would have ample time for a second incantation, and that means death for the unlucky souls with their crystal suits.

The ten frail looking old men in the back row seemed a much larger threat. They wore the simplest mage robes, and each held a thick tome in one hand. Brilliantly shining orbs of various colors encircled the palms of their free hands. The luminescent orbs were artifacts thought to be long lost, or assumed to never exist in the place.

“Young man, it is not too late for you to turn back and repent your evil ways. Stop dabbling with the forbidden sciences and you may yet be able to escape the curse of darkness.” The commanding voice belonged to one of the old men wearing robes of slightly fancier design.

“Legend speaks of a magical pyramid, and also of a powerful mage who possesses the divine nature to reclaim the pyramid. By consuming the pyramid he ascends to immortality, and becomes the Decider.” I recited the runes on the map I burned just moments ago.

“The wisest and the purest have attempted and failed the test. As the guardians of the pyramid we have long since come to the conclusion that the power of the pyramid is in fact forbidden, and no one possesses the divine nature. You, vile practitioner of chaos, have no place to even stand before the pyramid for the test. Leave before we are forced to destroy you!” The old fool was apparently losing his patience.

“I thought the guardians of the pyramid would be better acquainted with its nature than those idiots at the temple. I am here for my destiny.”

“A snake should learn that the dragon’s lair is not made for it.” Old men often think it wise to resort to metaphors when direct speaking fails.

“Rats should learn to scuttle out of the way when a snake is returning to its nest.” I countered.

“Insolent beast! In the name of light we shall rid the world of this nefarious sorcerer’s foul presence!” The captain of the shield bearers shouted then drew his sword and charged at me. His men followed.

“For-” Both the warriors’ battle cry and their advance were halted midway. Like statues the fearsome men became motionless, with their swords raised in the air and their feet rooted to the ground. Twenty streams of glowing green energy flowed out of the men’s eyes. Like green rivers they were drawn towards my hand, spiraling and merging before being siphoned into my fingers. Young flesh grew on my bony hands. My originally wrinkled skin smoothed, acquiring the consistency of silk. Seconds later, the lifeless bodies fell to the ground like sacks of potatoes.

“That was refreshing. I’m afraid crystal plates are quite useless against my manipulation of spiritual energies. Really, you would have done better wearing paper armor.” The failed men should know their mistakes, even if they were already dead.

Part 3: The search for Order gives birth to Time

2008-11-23T08:02:00.003+08:00

How am I to be satisfied?

The burst of patterns faded into silence and darkness.

What is to be satisfied?

To be satisfied is for my wills and wants to be fulfilled.

What is Will? What are Wants?

Will is me; that sole thing which is uncontrollable and unfathomable even for I, controller all.
Wants are what manifests from my will. It is pure chaos; unpredictable and inexplicable developments which occur. Wants are my every whims and wishes.

What is it that I want? What is it that I will? What is that I wish for, then?

Those are unanswerable questions. Wills, wants and wishes are reflected in the dimensions and the occurring events; they are the very nature of the dimensions; the axiom from which all is derived, and it neither needs be to nor could be explained. It is simply pure chaos. It never repeats. It is changing and always changing regardless of the dimensions.

Then how am I to be satisfied? Have I set out to discover that which would satisfy me, only to return to the starting point? Is it true that I can never foresee, or manipulate my wishes, wills and wants? Why, since these things are always changing and never repeats, then surely that is a pattern. In fact, until the otherwise occurs, it is an immutable law of my nature. I’ll call it… Boredom.

First law of boredom: Wills, whims, wishes and wants never stay the same for long.

Then, again how am I to be satisfied? The chaotic options have been exhausted; it will not be long before boredom sets in.

It seems we have made some progress here, and every little bit of progress seems to arise from the conversion of chaos to order. Perhaps that is the answer. Everything occurs randomly; there is a lack of order. Despite this ever changing randomness, I am unsatisfied and bored. It seems the number of dimensions does not matter so much, after all. Perhaps if things followed a fixed pattern and fixed rules, then I would be satisfied. Order; is this what I want? It is worth a try.

But how? Amidst all this chaos, where is order to be found?

Hm… If chaos and change goes together, then the unchanging must be order. And hence, if I render the dimensions fixed and unchanging, based on one and only one of my wills or wants… would that be order?

The entirety reverts to a lonely single point.

If it stays this way, would it be order?

…
Boredom sets in.

No, such is merely an outright refusal of the true nature of my wills, whims and wants. The order I seek does not involve a lack of change.

Entirety expands back into the pulsating mass of dimensions.

Then what is “order”?

Perhaps… If I set just this one dimension aside, and make it such that change could only occur in certain ways moving from one point in this dimension to another…

The dimensions empty; becoming an empty like a white sheet of canvas. A neat row of clusters appear. A second neat row of clusters appear, slightly angled from the first.

Ah, this way, the clusters can only get further apart as we move down this special dimension. It is something which occurs regardless of my chaotic nature. It is “order”. But wait, we can do yet more.

Uncountable numbers of clusters appear, arranged in that same skewed angle manner. Patterns interact. An invisible arrow dictates all that could change.

Ah, this gets more and more interesting… I like this “special” dimension. I shall name it “time”.

And thus time was born.

Part 2: I died

2008-10-03T17:33:00.000+08:00

Exactly how, lies beyond the furthest reaches of my failed memory. I vaguely recall the tunnel vision as the hard ground far below accelerated towards me, but i can only guess at the finer details. Did I jump, drowned in despair? Did I fall because of some darkly humorous clumsiness on my own part? Was I the victim of some villainous ploy, brutally pushed off the edge to meet my end below? These trifling details were probably discarded, and for a very good reason: they were unimportant.

I was falling. The air, usually silent, was rushing past my ears and creating a terrible high pitched whistle. "At least this would be a quick, painless and certain death,"I thought. The ground greeted me with a thousand bone shattering punches. The excruciating pain shot through my nerves. Ugly cracking and squishing sounds could be heard as I felt my bones and organs tear, break and then shift into unnatural positions. My soul was momentarily pulled out and up for a bird's eye view of my wrecked frame. My neck was broken, leaving my shattered skull twisted at a gruesome right angle from my torso. I must have landed with one of my legs and my hands touching down first, for a splintered humerus protruding from my back causing a bulge visible through my shirt, and my left knee joint was bent forwards. An expanding pool of red formed on the ground. The impact caused numerous broken ribs and spine discs to be scattered within my body, their dislocations fortunately hidden from view by the layers of torn flesh above. My lower jaw twitched as I attempted to gasp for a final pitiful breath.

Then i was back in my body, the unbearable pain fading away(but not vanishing entirely) into a murky darkness.I awaited for the nothingness which was supposed to follow. I was only greeted with more of that same dreary, dark half-consciousness. It was neither life nor death, a sensation akin to the groggy feeling after one stays up many days without a single wink of sleep. Whatever thoughts i attempted to form died away instantly, prematurely slaughtered by a lack of focus.

Nothingness.

I waited.

More nothingness followed.

Yet it was not exactly nothing. The small spark of consciousness was unmistakable. A primeval sensation identifiable as boredom began to develop. Nothingness. There was nothing to sense, nothing to do, no thoughts to think, no emotions to feel, yet i was conscious. Why?

Nothingness.

I waited.

More nothingness followed.

The boredom grew, and like a young bud, it soon blossomed into a black rose. Inexplicable fear overwhelmed me.

Eventually, i gathered enough will to ask the burning question in my mind. "Death has promised me a return to nothingness. Why am i still here?" A low voice, one usually associated with the stereotypical evil overlord, answered at the back of my head, "As the activity of your cells slows down, so does your consciousness, and hence your perception of time. Your passing will be to others over in a mere few seconds, but to you it shall be an eternity of undeath."

Part 1: Creation

2008-09-29T21:16:00.000+08:00

The entirety consists of a lonely single point.
Two points exist. It is neither possible to tell the first from the second, nor is it possible to account for the change in existence in any way comprehensible. But these are two separate points clearly defined from one another, and hence the first dimension comes into existence.
More points.

Almost as if it were due to volition, the number of points changes, ever increasing.
Three points exist.
Four points exist.
…
A single line exists, composed of countless points neatly arranged. The dimension stretches in two directions, into what may be practically considered as infinity.
More points... hmm… and more lines.

The monotony is broken as lengthening of the first dimension halts. Points exist in a different direction, forming a separate line.
Two lines exist, one slightly skewed relative to the other.
Three lines exist, the third skewed in a yet another different angle.
Four lines exist. Two of the lines lay parallel. Translation has occurred
Five lines exist.
…
An infinite number of lines span a single plane. The second dimension is complete.
More points. More lines. More planes.

Two planes exist. Three planes exist. Four Planes exist.
…
Translated, skewed, shifted, rotated, the planes fill up the third dimension.
More points. More lines. More planes. More.

The dimensions twist and contort, split and multiply, and the number of dimensions increases. Out of a single point was born nothingness. Nothingness, which stretches infinitely in infinite dimensions, exists.
Ah, more points. Many more points. Here.

In a small intersection point hundreds, then millions, and then trillions of points appear. The local density of nothingness spikes and surges to such an extent it could no longer be considered the same as another region elsewhere. It is no longer nothingness. A cluster, the first of what could be considered “objects” in this infant universe, is created. Like a bright, shining gem, it stands out in a sea of worthless black coal.
A few more clusters. Not too many, just a few sprinkled here and there.

More clusters appear.
Different clusters. Big clusters. Small clusters.
Clusters of different sizes appear.
Clusters filling a square. Clusters filling a cube. Clusters filling a tesseract. Clusters filling shapes .More shapes. Shapes large, shapes small; long like rod or round like ball.
An explosion of existence occurs; elaborate patterns of incomprehensible complexity begin to form. Thousands of clusters begin to adorn the previously empty space. Clusters appear at positions equidistant from single points, forming geometrically perfect multidimensional spheres; clusters appear in neat rows, forming straight rods piercing through the dimensions. Squares form. Cubes form. Tesseracts form. The shapes appearing grow in complexity. Fractals form.
Move!
The initially lifeless shapes are set in motion.
Crash!
Some shapes begin to congregate at a point, eventually coming into contact.
Merge.
The regular boundaries of contacting shapes melt away, leaving amorphous blobs.
…split.
Shapes split.
… overlap.
Shapes overlap.
…
…hmm… what next?

Fantastic Contraptions

2008-09-21T13:03:00.001+08:00

Mechanical engineering? If it was like this, i would gladly do it :D

http://fantasticcontraption.com/

My masterful tube crawler
http://fantasticcontraption.com/?designId=1901875

Rei Ayanami (still and forever will) rocks

2008-09-03T09:52:00.000+08:00

When time does not allow for long blog posts, you grab a bunch of pictures off the nearest forum to do the job... And hope the age old cliche is indeed true.

Pictures originally posted by zuggy on evageeks.org

Limit of mortals and the stereotype

2008-07-26T12:48:00.000+08:00

Whenever I hear the word “stereotype” being used, I can be sure to catch traces of loathing and disgust in the speaker’s voice as he articulates the word with negative emphasis. “That’s just a stereotype.” Such disapproving statements are clear evidence that stereotypes have become synonymous with lies and falsities in the dictionaries of most. After having given the topic a few seconds of thought during civics lessons today, however, I have come to the opinion that stereotypes are nothing more than statements. They can hold varying degrees of truth. They can be either totally false, as most might believe them to be, or entirely true, or somewhere in between. It is ironic indeed that the view that stereotypes are all false and bad is in itself a stereotype, and one that holds very little truth too. If the definition on dictionary.com is to be believed, then stereotypes are generalizations made by a group of people (as opposed to those made an individual). Generalizations are extremely vital in all areas of human understanding. To illustrate this point, first allow me to make a jump to another seemingly unrelated point.

Firstly, I shall make the claim that among the large arrays of premises and assumptions, human understanding and knowledge hinges very heavily upon Occam’s razor. This fact is easily observed in most fields, especially that of physics. The theories of gravity were once separated into those equations that governed the heavenly bodies, and those which governed on earth. Newton merged them into one equation, and it was accepted as a superior explanation merely because of its simplicity. The forces of electrostatic and magnetic attraction and repulsion were in a similar way merged into electromagnetism. Even today, the process of simplification continues, with the grand unified theory and the theory of everything being the holy grails of physics.

This reflects a sometimes disappointing but nevertheless basic and true observation about the human understanding that already exists and that they can potentially grasp. Man, though he may boast of his technologies, his sciences and his quest for truth, is ultimately bounded by the limits of his finite physical and mental resources. Human understanding is achieved through generalizations, simplifications and models, and therefore the underlying faith that simplicity and elegance prevails in the laws that dictate the behavior of our universe. It is sad that despite of the fervor and ideologies, man’s finite abilities to collect and analyze information dooms him to failure in his attempts to acquire a true, exact and complete understanding of the universe, and even if he should by some fluke arrive at that understanding, he could not know for sure. Newtonian physics seemed complete, but only before relativistic conditions were considered; the quantum system of electrons, protons and neutrons looked like the final verdict, but damn- for there came the neutrino. Despite all these frequent upsets and revelations, man still holds the belief that the walking towards simplicity would bring him closer to the ultimate truth. It is this undying faith that keeps him on the arduous and sometimes costly path of science.

Understandably, the infinite is sure to strike fear into the finite sentient mind, and even more so for one which has a desire to understand. With the infinite there is no certainty, as simplification involves the loss of details, and in most cases this loss is beyond the reaches of man’s instruments and hence impossible to understand, much less measure or quantify without the introduction of yet more simplifications. The only accurate and complete model of an hydrogen atom would obviously be another identical hydrogen atoms behaving exactly the same as the original, but man is unable to create such a model and even if he manages to do so it is of little value to him, since the same limitations that restricted his knowledge of the original would also restrict his knowledge of the model. Hence, man is forced to generalize, comparing the movement of particles to the orbits of planets around stars, and later on to abstract probability waves. Through his approximations, it is only inevitable that information and detail is lost. Even with the best instruments man cannot be sure he is observing the full entirety.

The existence of limitations is unavoidable and apparent, and hence we can reject the overly optimistic ideologies of those who believe in the possibility of eventually attaining full understanding. Yet there is a value to this path of science, of generalizations and approximations. I’ve once watched this video about Kabalah, in which the narrator claims it to be science when it is actually not. According to him, all of man’s discoveries and experiences are made within a box, leaving him to be unaware of the true nature and wonders of the universe outside that box. Though the narrator makes some very fallacious claims, I find it convenient to borrow his analogy in our discussion here. True enough, human perception is limited, and in this case the black box would represent the boundaries of human experiences and knowledge. Man’s understanding, adaptations and acquired skills are all developed based on the environment inside the box, and so if a man living within the box who has no knowledge at all of the outside were to suddenly be ported out of the box, then all his preconceptions of his environment would be shattered, and he would be only holding on to the remains of what he thought to be truth. He would in fact fare worse than a newborn infant, the latter having less to unlearn. However, if man is limited in his perceptions, is it not true also that he would be necessarily unable to break out of the box in the first place? In other words, incomplete understanding is good enough for he who cannot experience the complete.

After this lengthy detour we return to our topic, but with the benefit of the understanding that generalizations are both useful and important. The same would go for statements that are often dismissed as “stereotypes”. Some would argue that stereotyping is equivalent to evaluating a picture when one has only looked at part of it. Yet, given the immense size of the pictures, the great amount of detail and the limited time and energy that one can spend observing the pictures, is it not true that partial understanding would be better than none? On multiple occasions I have encountered obstinate forum trolls (and also various individuals who I prefer not to name) attempting to argue against a well-established generalization using the existence of counter examples as evidence, referring to decently justified statements as “just stereotypes”. It is indeed important to be aware of exceptions, but that is no reason to deny the worth of a representative stereotype. Stereotypes are essentially statements; they are false if they contain too little truth, not because they are approximations.

"Green apples are green."
"Look here, a yellow green apple. What you said was just a stereotype. Green apples are therefore red."

Sour Sweet Bitter Spice

2008-07-19T22:19:00.000+08:00

The cool breeze freshly born of the rain sets into motion the windmills in my head. Breaking the silence of the late night, one emo song after another plays, and i type in the first words that come to my mind. As the prelims draw close, blogging may soon become a luxury i cannot afford.

All humans are fundamentally hedonistic. I am merely one of the few to admit this, and believe that the most direct measures of pleasure are the natural ones, and that it is justifiable to think so. Just this afternoon, I watched a Korean documentary about the secrets of long life. The main message can be summed up as the following: “No matter what you are doing, be it playing or studying, exercising or eating, do it in moderation.”

Yet I wonder if a longer life is truly synonymous with a better life. What are the ultimate of goals of one’s life? Personally, I already have the answer to this baffling question. The utilitarian view, that if there can be a goal in life then it would be to contribute as much as possible to the total welfare or happiness of the world, seems to be a sufficiently reasonable claim, and for the most part I agree with it. However before I start to seem politically correct to anyone, I should first declare that I am not just a utilitarian, but also a solipsist. I believe that it would be good to maximize the happiness of all the people in the world. At the same time, I also believe that mine is the only existence in the universe. It shouldn’t take more than 3 seconds for an average mind to realize what that means. Call me a selfish bastard, or an ignorant idiot, but neither the former nor the latter would actually care, and I wouldn’t either.

I believe that my existence was placed in this universe to experience. The exact mechanics are irrelevant. I might be a brain in a vat; a man trapped in a magically created realm; renegade bytes in a highly advanced virtual reality; or a star child in training (2001: a space odyssey reference). It just occurred to me randomly, that psychologists believing that the Internet is a malaise spreading over the human race would quickly point out that the previous sentence is “concrete proof that the subject is fantasizing and unable to separate reality from fiction”. Well I don’t give a hoot that, for reality is overrated.

Moving back on track (pun intended), I would like to quote the old analogy of life being a roller coaster ride. This comparison is very interesting to me. Like a roller coaster ride, life has its ups and downs, its pains and joys. There is no real destination, for the roller coaster goes one loop and takes you to alight at where you boarded. Similarly, you start out as a bunch of lifeless, disconnected atoms, which is temporarily assembled into a being, before trains of time bring him one big circle back to the inevitable death. And hence, though you might be able to last longer without puking or feeling sick by boarding a roller coaster which just goes level and steady all the way, I would not waste my time with that, for one boards a roller for the feelings of extreme exhilaration and dizziness and that its rapid acceleration brings. I’d eat unhealthy foods, sleep late, play what I want to even if such actions should cut away my years on life. It is worth it if I can experience the savory taste of fatty Kentucky Fried Chicken, the beauty of the silent night, and the satisfaction from defeating a difficult boss. If the joys of life can be compared to an emptying jar of peanut butter, would you spread as much of it as you want on one piece of bread and enjoy the sweetness, or spread it thinly over many pieces just so that the jar can last longer? Or if life is a sweet tasting poison that would eventually kill you, would you rather mix it in slowly with your daily diet, or take it all at once just so you know how it tastes like? (Yeah, that probably puts me on the psychologists’ blacklist of people with high risk of becoming drug abusers) It should be obvious which routes I would take.

This is why at such a time merely weeks away from the examination (which put in my parents’ words “decides my future”) I am listening to mp3 and blogging. I am lingering in the past, merely because doing so brings to me the flurry of emotions that I find more valuable than the mundane experience of mugging. Of course when the time comes and my procrastination would last no longer, I may begin to study hurriedly, feeling the stress and pressure attempting to beat the clock when it is impossible. I am proud that I have found out for myself the true meaning of life, and more importantly I am proud because I have the courage to translate my ideals into action.

Growing Up

2008-07-15T22:32:00.000+08:00

Unlike the stereotypical naïve teenager unexposed to the “real” world, I can proudly say that I have always known of the existence of evil personified in the form of villains, criminals and assholes. Yet, only today have I realized that, despite my great knowledge, I had surprisingly managed to overlook, or at least grossly underestimate the possibility of good in this world. Of course, through the experiences that I am about to relate, my worldviews have somewhat altered by at least that little bit. Perhaps my bleak forecast of the future might need some revision. Or not. The LHC is probably going to make some miniature black hole and suck all of us into an alternate dimension, spelling doom for the human civilization, whether or not there are nice people out there in the society.

I should really start on the topic before digression hijacks this post. The story is not really all that complicated. Neither is it touching to the point that it could melt stones. I had, as many of you should already know, recently lost my NRIC. Considering the highly probable possibility of me having left it at the lan shop when I went for the lanning session after the CTs, I decided to make a trip down to see if it’s there. Now normally you would expect shopkeepers to be indifferent towards anything that isn’t business. However this kind soul here proved my expectation wrong. Seeing a student in uniform enter the lan shop (uniform means no lanning, which means no business, in case you are one of those unaware of the law) not only did he not angrily chase me out of the lan shop like a raging bull, but he actually stopped his dota game and helped me look for my card. Thanks to his efforts, I retrieved the card, but when I looked at his computer screen a pang of guilt and sorrow shot through the deepest parts of my heart. In that short few seconds where the shopkeeper left his computer terminal, some assholes on the opponent team had taken the opportunity to resume the game and, using such dirty tricks, pwned the guy’s head for 240 gold coins. This is what our society needs: people who are willing to sacrifice perfect dota kill-death ratios in order to help others.

So thanks to my supreme tyconess, I have managed to avert the disaster of me having to make a trip to ICA to get a new IC. Or perhaps it was not just a stroke of luck, but rather my initiative of being a pseudo-vegetarian for one long day that accumulated sufficient karma for me to tide this calamity. Maybe it was my fervent praying to the great goddess Rei Ayanami that touched the heart of the omnipotent Lilith, who then in her great mercy saved me from misery, breaking my fall and then pulling me out of the bottomless abyss, into which my mental state was sure to sink if yet another ordeal was to happen to me after my comp died. Or maybe it was my own latent powers that awakened and changed reality Haruhi-style into one that ensured maximum happiness for me. Whatever the case, you can be sure that I would not bring my IC along with me ever again. For the purposes of lan trips, exams and such, it seems that EZ-link would suffice.

Oh well, I had originally hoped to make a long essay out of this incident but apparently I still have much to improve upon in the way of writing emotional speeches about kind souls in the world. I would greatly love to end this blog post here and move on to some more interesting project, if only my poor computer is functional. Ah, life sucks. I am currently using this 12 years old Pentium 2 (which means it is in fact older than my brother) which can’t run rev, can barely even load html only pages on internet explorer (html only as in no flash, shockwave or any of those nonsense plugins) and takes 1 minute to start Microsoft word. Since I can be tempted by no other distractions, I might as well take this rare opportunity to write a little more.

So begins the second part of this entry. I have recently finished reading Childhood’s End by Arthur C. Clarke, after randomly finding a copy at the Bishan library. For one whose reading diet constitutes 90% of science fiction, Arthur C. Clarke’s brilliant works have never failed to give me mind-gasms. It is this distinct feeling that most of Clarke’s works have managed induce that draws me for a second look whenever I spot one of his books lying around. By describing advanced technology that is perfect both in terms of power, elegance and simplicity when viewed from the outside, and neglecting to explain the technology or science on the inside, the reader gets a feeling of awe and mystery. In Clarke’s own words, “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” It is no exaggeration to say that when one peers into the alien races portrayed in Clarke’s universes, one feels small, insignificant and inconsequential. One feels that he is looking at god’s masterpiece, able to appreciate only a small portion of its beauty and none of its inner workings.

Clarke has created this impeccably in 2001: A space odyssey, Rama, and Diaspar, and the same thing is done fairly well in Childhood’s End. Against the Overlord’s genius and technology, man is powerless. It is not just the mankind as described in the book, but also the reader, who is utterly defeated. Clarke anticipates each idea that a rebellious mind reading his story would come up with, and counters it with an elegant action of the Overlords that make rebellion feel so much like a weak struggle for a hopeless cause. Unlike most typical alien stories where the world is invaded through means of brute force, in this case humans are overwhelmed both technologically and psychologically.

For fear of spoiling the book, I shall not reveal any further details. However, I shall comment that in my personal opinion, the book is somewhat marred by its unclean and awkward ending. At more than one point near the end of the book, I had the feeling that “This part would be a great ending for the already nice book”. However, it turned out that there was always one more chapter to resolve certain unfinished plotlines, to the extent that when the book really ended, I wondered if there was some extra chapter hidden in some secret dimension. It might have been a smoother experience if those plotlines were resolved earlier in the book, or simply left to dangle. It would allow for more imagination, and setting the outcome in brick does add sufficient value to the book to outweigh this. This is of course my personal opinion.

Below are several themes/quotes/ideas that I found rather interesting. Beware if you haven’t read the novel, for spoilers may follow.

In Karellen’s explanatory speech to mankind, he mentioned this analogy: Imagine that every man’s mind is an island, surrounded by ocean. Each seems isolated, yet in reality all are linked by the bedrock from which they spring. If the oceans were to vanish, that would be the end of the islands. They would all be part of one continent, but their individuality would have gone.” The concept here is clearly identical to instrumentality as mentioned in NGE, which is, in case you haven’t already noticed, my favorite anime series. The islands here would be the individuals just as explained, and the ocean separating them would be the mighty AT fields. It has been suggested on the wikipedia entry on instrumentality that the concept was heavily borrowed from Childhood’s End, so if that is indeed true the similarity is unsurprising.

However, it is still interesting how the reaction of man to such a process is very similar. As much as man might realize the irrationality of maintaining differences and individuality, he fears losing it, and looks upon instrumentality disapprovingly. Though the parents of the children in childhood’s end know very well that mankind is bound for greatness, they still look at the process with disdain. Similarly, Shinji chose a world of individuals and a girl with a lousy attitude, rather than spend an eternity of bliss and happiness being one with the perfect Rei. Such irrational behavior is born of the imperfection of man. He is aware that he himself is imperfect, and fear that any seemingly perfect scenario would be ruined by his imperfection. Hence he chooses a second rate choice simply such that he can better fit in. Of course, such a fear is not altogether without reason, for in most cases, perfection is improbable and hence man’s grim vision is likely to be realized. However, as demonstrated in the two works mentioned above, this fear has probably been carried too far to the extreme- for even when perfection is justified, explained and very possible (in fact certain, as you can not doubt the power of the Overmind in Childhood’s End nor can you question the omnipotence of Lilith), man still looks upon it with doubting eyes. In the case of the rejection of instrumentality, I blame such a fear on the failure of communism and the exaggeration of this failure by western propaganda. Socialism has been experimented and proven a failure, and man does not have faith in a world without individuality any more.

“Sometimes she wondered if it might not have been better had the overlords stood aside and left him to his fate.” This sentence here has double meaning; it can both refer to the fate of Jeffrey, the first child (the person that starts the merging process with the overmind, and an idea borrowed in NGE, where Rei is the first child and begins the process of instrumentality), as well as the fate of mankind. In either case, it reveals another irrational fear, which is man’s unfounded apprehension of his own actions. Man fear’s change, especially those that he himself causes. It is a fear residual of our ancestral past, from a time when man’s actions were guided by poor reason, and hence the outcomes were unpredictable. What remains of this fear continues to haunt man, even at a age where the probability for failure can be estimated to an accuracy of many significant figures. Man still fears change, even if there is only good that results. Things that are unnatural and artificial, or at least seem to be so, are often featured in man’s nightmares. The Frankenstein monster, robots that take over the world, and even the ascension to a higher level of evolution as in the case of instrumentality is viewed with disdain.

“Only individuals can be lonely – only human beings”. I guess it is only a matter of time before my highly debatable assumptions are questioned. In the fight between a individuality and a unified entity, which is superior? In CE it seems that Clarke wanted to create more sympathy for the former, but looking at the problem from a rational angle it seems that the latter is presented as the superior solution. NGE suggested the middle ground, where there are improved interactions between individuals, but the barriers between people still exist. Personally, I would have to say that I am for instrumentality in this case, merely for the reason that instrumentality represents Rei and Lilith, and and as someone who abhors Shinji for having chosen Asuka, I would certainly go for being one with Rei. <3

Lastly, it is rather interesting that in the ending chapters of the book, the Overlord technologies that seemed so powerful at the beginning of the series became rather disappointing. The overlords did not even have basic translators with which they can communicate with the humans, and their physical appearance also appeared to me as rather crude. (Compared, of course, not to humans, but to the original portrayal in the first few chapters) While this is possibly a plot hole, I believe that it is intended to reduce the level of deitification of the Overlords in order to make space for the Overmind. Here is the secret of Clarke’s works revealed: the aliens’ technologies are described, but the aliens themselves never make appearances. This veil of mystery creates a godlike illusion of the alien entities. This was so for Rama, the Monolith and the Overlord ships before they made contact. Perhaps this is why the word arcane is so closely associated with magic: lack of knowledge brings about an illusion of a greater power than what may be actually present.

Fuck That Shit

2008-07-12T09:33:00.000+08:00

Disclaimer: For little children whose worlds are filled with flowers and fruitcakes and lollipops and clouds made of candyfloss (as well as adults with similar psychologies), and can't even look at the bloody fucking f word without making a great fuss about it, you might perhaps want to watch this instead:http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=gNqiSkd1M6k

For the rest:
http://xkcd.com/137/

Woot i like this one :D

Dreams... Aspirations to make a difference... Such grand things that make one's heart fly into the air and do somersaults there...

Not as if i believe in them, really. Their just a bunch of idealistic nonsense created in a desperate attempt to bring humans out of existentialism.

Yeah i know i sound like a hypocritical bastard. You might also like to know that i am indeed one, and more importantly i enjoy being one :D

I guess i should end here before i go on into my theories about pain and pleasure and disprove my own statement above.

Random

2008-07-09T22:51:00.000+08:00

A quiet stroll in the night seemed to be exactly what I needed. Walking a journey with no destination, I went wherever the whims of feet took me. Similarly aimless was my mind, which looked around randomly in hopes of being surprised by some accidental enlightenment. My heart must be growing old to enjoy such activities that are stereotypically appreciated by only senior citizens.

It’s so heavy. It could be boredom that arises from a meaningless existence. It could also be the tests that I did not really feel like doing well and therefore did not do really well. Or more likely, it could be the loss of that… never mind, for it was never mine in the first place.

Like a victim tied to the railway, I lie helplessly vulnerable, and in the path of oncoming train which is the prelims. My half heated struggles haven’t had much success. For example, my evil master plan to expand my vocabulary through means of one word a day on email has failed miserably. Though the mail service was reliable enough and kept the words coming into the mailbox day after day, I never felt motivated enough to attempt to memorize them. As a result, some 60 words and their definitions lie as unread messages in my inbox.

I’m beginning to feel like a lousy loser, for I lost the game at least 10 times in school today (and many more times at home, including the one just 10 seconds ago). Somehow my distracted mind just can’t find anything better to think about. Thinking about schoolwork leads to disgust. Thinking about playing leads to apathy. Thinking about nothing leads to boredom. Thinking about you leads to pain. So my mind random flutters about, moving from one thought to another like butterflies dancing in a bed of flowers, eventually landing on the landmine which is some form of reminder of the game. :S

Ah, i want to write more, but my highly somnolent mind and body would not allow me to. To fantasy land! *disappears*

Xiang Qi Wang!

2008-06-18T22:14:00.000+08:00

Basically a summary of what happens: The girl pushes her bing, as shown in the diagram below. You can see from the position of the "crosshair" that it is a guo he bing at the 3rd or 7th line.

Her opponent, a guy,then responds confidently with the move as shown here, pushing the che to eat the bing. But wait! Wasnt bing just one move away from the crosshair? how come it is now 2 moves away? Upon examination, you realize that there is no other piece on the 3rd horizontal line, which means it isnt a seperate bing.

And so, a plot hole is born. Or maybe it was just a plot device to show that technology might not be the solution to promote traditional games, since cheating might occur. (Yeah right)

Aliens, Espers, Time Travelers. and ... Haruhi!

2008-05-18T00:15:00.000+08:00

Since that day a few weeks ago when I decided to start mugging, my determination has greatly waned, to the rather disastrous effect that for the past two weeks I have made no progress whatsoever in my mugging.

For those actually interested enough in the boring life of an average student, the above-mentioned supernova like burst in enthusiasm for mugging was probably triggered off by some test in which I had scored pathetically low. Not that such things are in any case rare occurrences, and due to the abundance of such similar events having repeated many times for each subject my memory is no longer able to point out just exactly which test it was. It could have been a chemistry test; it might have been one of those gp comprehensions or essays; it could also have been the CTs; all I know is that such things are to me as leaves to a man living in a forest. Nevertheless, despite the frequency of my screwups, the parts of my brain that have managed to miraculously remain sane through all these years still somehow put up a last ditch effort, rallying my conscience to rebel against my overwhelming indolence. Hence for that brief moment I became inspired to do some work, and actually touched those cursed and unclean tutorials I had left to rot but stubbornly persisted. What’s more, I actually wrote on some of them. As a result, the ever-conscientious LZ was very frustrated the following day when he realized that I had for the first time in human history completed the Maths tutorial to a greater question number than he did. Of course, just like a supernova, such brilliant flashes aren’t meant to last, and I had since then deteriorated back to my original state. After all, you can’t possibly expect ice to remain frozen in stp. Hopefully, the A levels would provide sufficient pressure to force me into studying. Someday.

Let’s move back to the topic at hand. Due to me being bored to the verge of tears, I decided to go to google and type into it things like “Rei Ayanami”, “Yuki Nagato”, “Suzumiya Haruhi” etc. and read whatever turns up. (By the way, there are less than 10 females, fictional or otherwise, who have been the glorious subject of my googling so far, and hence you get how significantly bored I must have been.) After a long chain of link clicking I somehow arrived at the wiki page for the newcomb’s problem. A quick mental expedition into its philosophical ramifications soon sparked my interest, to the effect that I was sufficiently moved to write this nonsense which you are reading right now.

For those lazy ones I shall reproduce the entire chunk off wiki wholesale and drop it here:

The player of the game is presented with two opaque boxes, labeled A and B. The player is permitted to take the contents of both boxes, or just of box B. (The option of taking only box A is ignored, for reasons soon to be obvious.) Box A contains $1,000. The contents of box B, however, are determined as follows: At some point before the start of the game, the Predictor makes a prediction as to whether the player of the game will take just box B, or both boxes. If the Predictor predicts that both boxes will be taken, then box B will contain nothing. If the Predictor predicts that only box B will be taken, then box B will contain $1,000,000.

By the time the game begins, and the player is called upon to choose which boxes to take, the prediction has already been made, and the contents of box B have already been determined. That is, box B contains either $0 or $1,000,000 before the game begins, and once the game begins even the Predictor is powerless to change the contents of the boxes. Before the game begins, the player is aware of all the rules of the game, including the two possible contents of box B, the fact that its contents are based on the Predictor's prediction, and knowledge of the Predictor's infallibility. The only information withheld from the player is what prediction the Predictor made, and thus what the contents of box B are.

*Note: the actual version which I first read was one on some haruhi fan forum, and that version did not specify the infallibility of the predictor. It only said that the being was so far correct in all previous trials.

Of course given the above stated version it simply boils down to a logical contradiction where determinism battles free will, and the direction of causality is confused. The analysis, which I mostly agree with, can be found at the wiki so I shall not elaborate further.

Sidetrack again: How do we arrive at the conclusions of the direction of causality? How does one know that event A causes event B? Often man claims that he uses “logical deduction”, but ultimately it reduces to an experimental observation of whether B occurs after, if and only if A occurs. Now consider the structure of timespace. If time did not have a fixed direction, and there are entities that exist with their time moving backwards, then their concept of causality would be entirely different, or perhaps even nonexistent. Next, recall that the concept of causality is fundamental in logical deductions. A, therefore B. Therefore from B, infer A. Without such statements being valid, logic would not work. It seems to be, then, that the structure of the universe could in fact affect the validity of certain thought processes. Put simply, the non-deterministic universe would certainly be illogical, because logic itself is based upon determinism. A problem then arises: in this universe, results seem to show that the fundamental particles act in non-deterministic behavior. Therefore, we see an inconsistency between reality and what has been created to model reality. There is also the possibility that we have misinterpreted the results of the experiments. However, since the interpretation of experimentation relies heavily on logical thought processes, the ironic logical conclusion would be that the logic we rely on is either incomplete, inaccurate, or altogether nonsense.

Moving back to the supposed focus of this blog post, I had wanted to explore the possibility of the scenario in which there is no information on the supposed infallibility of the predictor. We only know that he has been very accurate so far.

We can eagerly apply our logic to this situation and show that apparently, taking both boxes would be the correct option. We can further see that if there is equal chance with this predictor guessing the two options, we have a 50% chance of getting that coveted one million.

But wait! Let us examine the question once again. If we can believe in such a weird being’s existence, believe in his ability and willingness to make money and put it in a box and giving it away freely, him being able to make that large number of predictions correctly, then what prevents us from believing that this guy is infallible? What is the probability that the suggested scenario happens in an entirely non-deterministic universe? In other words, given the presentation of the problem, what are the chances that our evaluations in real life would still be applicable?

If there are aliens, espers and time travelers, surely there is no problem believing in a omnipotent, enthusiastic, slightly emo, and extremely gorgeous teenager called Haruhi who created all of the above.

I extend this to another somewhat similar problem commonly used in an attempt to confuse “non mathematical” people. There is a coin. It is flipped one thousand times, each time producing without fail heads. What would the outcome be in the one thousand and first flip? Most educated people would not say “heads”, because if it was a fair coin, then it has an equal chance of coming up heads and tails, regardless of previous outcomes. Yet, has anyone considered the chance of the coin actually being a fair coin? The chance that the model of probability used to predict outcomes still applies for this supposed scenario? If there is a 0.5^1000 chance of none of the first 1000 flips being tails, then doesn’t it mean that there is that much probability that the coin is unbiased, AND that probability is a valid model? Why I quote this from a guy on the forums: probability is modeled from experimental results; if coins are flipped and they never come up tails in reality then it is the theories of probability that should be changed to suit reality, not the other way round.

I believe that premature assumption that laws modeled after reality would still hold in hypothetical scenarios is often the reason for the creation of various paradoxes, dilemmas and problems. Include gods and angels; demons and devils; or genies and gremlins; and people would still assume that their rational thinking could apply. What I suggest is the following approach: first evaluate with existing processes, whether the probability of the scenario is even realistic. If otherwise, then apparently a fresh set of laws should be deduced based on given conditions to solve the problem. And hence:

Treat each hypothetical reality as a separate entity.

An interesting extension: considering what I just said in the last few paragraphs, how do we evaluate the reality of a scenario? Obviously my previously suggested method is overly simplified and inaccurate; simply consider a die. Let’s say I throw it once and it turns up 4. There is 1/6 chance of it turning up 4, does it mean that therefore there is a 5/6 chance that the die is biased, or that reality does not hold? Repeating this argument for the 6 different outcomes, does it therefore mean that no matter what the die is biased? Yet it is certain that if I roll dices and they all come out as 4 to such an extent that my trials far exceed the number of rolls of dice humanity has ever performed, I should start being suspicious about the die, or my rolling techniques, or the model of probability itself. Can someone actually come up with a sound method for acquiring some sort of numerical probability for such a scenario?

Haruhi-ism

2008-04-18T23:00:00.001+08:00

My plans to start blogging more were utterly foiled by the prolonged emoness I suffered. For one whole month, my life away from school consisted solely of stoning in front of the computer. Grinding through Revelation and Pokemon with “constant-1-key-press-only” playing styles; constantly staring into a Firefox window with the same 4 tabs opened; every once in a while refreshing each of these tabs to hopefully find some new content; and being disappointed by the identical page that appeared on the browser. Even when Rev was down for that seemingly endless eternity of 3 days, my loafing continued, merely switching over to other brainless activities such as neopets.

And yet after all this idleness, when I am becoming increasingly convinced of the integrity of my indestructible resolve to procrastinate and not do any serious work, the adamantine determination is suddenly broken. Of course I would first clarify with the statement that according to my personal definition, anything that requires me opening up Microsoft word is serious work, and since I blog using this rather flimsy software made by that oft hated company… you can draw the relevant conclusions yourself. Back to the main topic, to say that my “resolution” being merely broken is a serious understatement, for it was smashed and shattered to the most picoscopic smithereens. The culprit? None other than the intense intellectual excitement induced by an anime series I recently watched and completed (just today): Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuutsu, or The Melancholy of Haruhi Suzumiya (English release title).

Judged according to my personal standards, SHY (I shall abbreviate it as thus hence on) is brilliant. Awesome. Amazing. (Insert 1000 suitable synonyms here). So brilliant that at this point in time I consider it to surpass even the magnificent Neon Genesis Evangelion, which I had previously considered to be T3H ultimate anime. Here is the reason why. While NGE expresses some very touching themes and thought invoking ideas through its well-developed characters, its plot lacks polishing. SHY, while achieving the same things better or at least as well as NGE, carries it a step further by having a cleverly structured plot that is intriguing but at the same time understandable by most humans of average intellect. It possesses the deeper layers of meaning, while maintaining a sensible plot on the surface. It’s like gobstopper; even if you don’t have enough teeth to chew through, just licking the exterior could satisfy some desire for sweetness. NGE on the other hand is like warhead; if the exterior repels you you will never enjoy the watermelon powder inside.

Obviously I am slightly biased here, since I usually overrate animes which I am currently watching or have just finished watching. Nevertheless, I believe it is fair (and from the enormous fanbase, a lot of people all over the world would agree with me) saying that SHY is superb.

SHY’s narrative structure is so unique that I have never seen anything like it from any TV show, much less an anime. If an anime could be compared to a painting, then SHY is a jigsaw puzzle of some famous artwork by Picasso, with the pieces scattered all over in a box. The episodes are shuffled chronologically, and to get the full story you’ll have to piece together the parts of the plot. Though this creates a little confusion at the start, it allows for the most climatic episode to be the last broadcasted episode without resorting to clichéd “builds up to one big conflict, then ends immediately” plots.

Suzumiya Haruhi, the protagonist of the story, is a girl with supernatural powers to alter reality. However, she is unaware of this power, and her mood can potentially destroy the universe. Hence an alien, a time traveler, and an esper, who are all likely manifestations of Suzumiya’s own power, gathers in an attempt to entertain Suzumiya sufficiently such that she remains happy. The story is viewed through the perspective of Kyon, a normal highschool student who is dragged into the situation because Suzumiya is in love with him.

That is, at least, the straightforward interpretation of the shuffled episodes. However, due to various reasons I hold a separate interpretation of what could really be the “truth” behind the presented events. I am of the opinion that it is a probable possibility that the person behind the supernatural events is actually Kyon, and not Haruhi. I must admit that this is based off some wild speculation, small bits of evidence and some of my own thinking*. Also, I am writing this before I have read the light novel, and hence any further evidence revealed in anywhere other than the anime itself would be overlooked. However, I hope that whoever reads this and have watched the anime would come to the same conclusion that my suggested scenario is indeed “a probable possibility”.

(*The “thinking” is in the form of putting myself into the shoes of a god, which would only be credible if you believe in my understanding of divine mentalities, or if I truly have one for myself.)

The full description of my suspected “truth” is as follows:

Kyon, a being with supernatural powers to create reality at will (shall refer to such a being as “god” from hence on, since there is no other suitable word.), creates the universe in which the story is set. The events that occur in the anime hence serve the purposes of satisfying Kyon rather than Haruhi. Haruhi herself is merely a part of this created reality that is as a whole modeled to please Kyon as much as possible.

Initially it might seem counter intuitive that the unlucky, somewhat nonchalant (as opposed to Haruhi’s enthusiasm) and otherwise normal high school student could be the “god” in this story. However, by examining closely several pieces of vital evidence, and then offering answers to some possible objections, this theory could become much more plausible.

Now first, I believe that we can agree on the fact that in this story, the god created the reality to his maximum satisfaction. Hence, the events in the anime must have occurred because they somehow fulfill this god’s interest or fantasies (however you put it). Let us look at the three main supernatural characters in the anime: an alien, a time traveler, and an esper. Don’t these seem to be predominantly the stereotypical adolescent male’s fantasies? Indeed, Kyon stated in the very first chronological episode that he had harbored such fantasies, and desired for them to exist. This much at least shows that he could have some subconscious wish for supernatural events during the period when the events happened. On the other hand, though it is possible to argue that Haruhi is “special”, it is much less sensible for such thoughts to come from an adolescent female.

Furthermore, if we pay attention to the major events in the anime, we find that these three main fantasies are realized for Kyon. He gets to know a pretty alien and sees first hand the battle of two immensely powerful aliens in a virtual reality, him being protected by one of them; meets an esper and enters a bubble of closed space to defeat a giant rampaging monster; becomes acquainted with a gorgeous time traveler and her future self. On the contrary, while Haruhi expresses her wish to meet such supernatural figures time and again, she remains disappointed in this aspect till the end of the series, unwary of their true identity. Neither did she witness any of the supernatural events, with the murder on the island turning out to be a fake one and the closed time in which she was trapped with Kyon easily explainable as a dream.

By a similar argument, it is not difficult to pick out the fact that the daily non-supernatural activities portrayed in the anime seem to entertain Kyon way more than Haruhi. Koizumi entertains Kyon by playing some TCG with him; Mikuru makes tea for him and plays reversi with him. Even Nagato, the one who seems always unaffected by her surroundings, stops wearing her glasses for him. He is dragged into a baseball tournament and an inter-club RTS fight… which are obviously boyish obsessions. He also has the company of 3 very attractive females, especially Haruhi, who showers attention on him when her eccentricity causes her to ignore all others.

Throughout the episodes, Kyon is in desirable company; he experiences dangerous but fun adventures; he has a serious relationship with a gorgeous female; and is well entertained in daily life. It seems natural that such would be the “perfect life” imaginable for a guy like Kyon. It is difficult for us to imagine however, Haruhi, an attractive teenage girl, behaving the way she does. Her interest lies in things absurd for her gender, and this together with her supposed “powers” to alter reality makes her seem an unrealistic and contrived character. This fictitious quality can be compared to that of the 3 supernatural characters: all of them wield special powers, are unrealistic characters, and by some daring extension of the parallel between them, all of them must exist for the entertainment of the god. If this should be so, then it is clear that Kyon is the only possible candidate as the “god”.

In the last broadcast episode Kyon questioned himself what Haruhi was to him. He eventually reached the conclusion that “Haruhi is not god”. Although this should not be taken literally because Kyon was merely using this to express Haruhi’s special place in his heart and the same applied for his place in Haruhi’s heart. However, the very fact that he had the power to decide and change which of the parallel universes would become reality suggests the possibility that he is the god. Even if Haruhi is the god, at this point in the show at the very least we see her decision being overridden by Kyon’s wishes: She likes to live in the gray and monstrous world; Kyon wants to be in the old world; Kyon’s opinion matters more and decides the final outcome. So if Haruhi had godly powers here, then Kyon, being able to affect and change the decisions of a god, is then effectively a god.

Lastly, we must not forget the most important fact: that the entire story is viewed from the perspectives of Kyon, and not Haruhi. The anime features him the most out of all the other characters. Nagato, Koizumi, Mikuru and even Haruhi are only featured if they have interactions with Kyon. This is apparently placing emphasis on Kyon as a character.

One objection I have received from lz about this theory is that if things are really as I describe, then Nagato, Koizumi and Mikuru would be acting counter intuitively. I would attempt to resolve these problems with possible explanations, but these explanations would be purely conjecture with no supporting evidence.

Firstly, I believe that it could be the case that this supernatural trio are not really aware of the truth either, as they, like Haruhi, are part of the created universe. They can only detect changes to this universe made by Haruhi, who is bestowed with some limited ability to change reality. Kyon, on the other hand, would be affecting reality on an entirely different level that the supernatural trio can neither detect nor understand.

Secondly, even if they should be aware of the truth, their actions can make sense too. Let us consider this hypothetical scenario: suppose I have the ability to alter reality, but am unaware of it. Either my anger or some careless discontent could destroy the universe. If you know all this, you wouldn’t risk telling me the truth directly, for once I learn of my powers and how to control it, I could develop disdain for the world and destroy it. Neither would you leave me to my own devises, for an chance occurrence could cause me to become discontented, in which case the catastrophic outcome would occur as well. Hence, you would want to somehow sway my opinion such that I am attached to this world. What would be a better method than to place me directly in the shoes of a normal person whose world he fits in would be destroyed together with the universe? If I thought that those like me would be destroyed if the “god” is discontented, then I must fervently wish for the god to be contented with this world, and think of ways to persuade the “god” to like this world too. Which results in the most desirable scenario possible: the world is not destroyed because the only person who can destroy is deceived into thinking that he is an object of that world.

Thus I have established the plausibility of Kyon being the most powerful being in SHY. Of course, this has much to do with my personal believes, particularly my solipsist thinking. SHY has introduced a rather thought provoking philosophical idea, which I find especially relevant to my personal spiritual explorations, and hence I feel is worthy of discussion.

In broadcast episode 13, Koizumi relates to Kyon what he calls anthropic principle, the idea that without the existence of humans, the existence of the universe would be meaningless, at least from a human perspective. If humans do not exist to understand and interpret the universe, then universe would be as good as non-existent, and hence the universe could be said to be as the human understanding reveals it to be. When we extend this idea from scope of the knowledge pool of the human race to the scope of the knowledge pool of an individual (me), we arrive at solipsism. Only the perceptions of self of the world matters, and since only self’s existence is important, then god, if there is, must be self. Yet, solipsism often meets with objections in the following form: if the individual is all-powerful, then why is his life not enjoyable? SHY provides one possible answer. Through self-reflection, Haruhi (or Kyon) eventually came to the conclusion that his or her life, as experienced in the anime, is the best. This is so even though at the surface it might appear to be difficult, and lacking in mysterious and exciting events.

It makes sense that a life perfect, without any difficulties and suffering, would be monotonous. It would be boring for a human, and probably even more so for a deity who has to endure an eternity of existence. On the other extreme, mysteries and adventures are mysterious and exciting exactly for the reason that they are rare and seldom experienced. Would aliens still be aliens if you and everyone else knew of their existence and interacted with them on a daily basis? Would monsters still be monsters if you see them in the morning, in the afternoon and at night? Would time travelers instill so much wonder and awe if your mother is a Victorian woman, your father a soldier from 123456768790 A.D. and your best friend from the 13th dimension? And so we have life, a clever mix of mostly bland events with some spice appearing every now and then, and some bitter bits to add to the taste.

Similarly, ignorance is a key ingredient to fun. An omnipotent being, used to the monotony of perfect information and knowledge, would greatly desire ignorance, if his mentality should be anywhere close to that of mortal men. Unpredictability is a valuable asset for games- no one would like to play snakes and ladders where each person moves the preset number of steps. If the universe is a game for god, then the same must apply; this idea is expressed indirectly through SHY- Haruhi is deliberately ignorant of her own powers, and she hungers for the unknown, probably because of how boring knowing everything would be. I once heard of a saying- any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic. I believe the inverse is also true- any sufficiently understood magic is reduced to technology. And so, here lies the key to enjoying magic: it is simply not to understand.

If such an idea as expressed in the anime should be “Haruhiism”, then it is certainly extremely similar to a few of the main strands of arguments of my own thinking (wentaoism, if anyone should still want to call it that -_-). Is this a mere coincidence? Or is this because such is a popular idea, and most lonely emo dudes like me think this way? Or perhaps, this entire anime is only some indirect hint at my own divinity. That this entire reality is created by the same mind housed within my skull? Why do I feel as if my soul is spoken to directly when Kyon asks in his soliloquy “What does that person sitting behind you in class mean to you?” I refuse to believe that it is merely a coincidence, that so years ago, I once sat beside a window too.

Sonic (not the hedgehog)

2008-04-15T20:05:00.000+08:00

One of the reasons why Haruhi is cool: she can do the sonic.

Lightning Bolts

2008-03-31T19:03:00.000+08:00

There I was, immersed in the great joys of watching Elfen Lied and playing Revelation simultaneously, occasionally alternate tabbing to an innocent looking gmail page to prevent certain unwelcome prying eyes from discovering all my “evil” misdoings. Raindrops attacked the cement pavement downstairs mercilessly with their kinetic energy and slightly acidic pH, making the loud noise characteristic of this onslaught of H2O molecules. This mighty force would, given ample time, reduce the tallest monuments to smooth pebbles. As I clicked on the link for more of the bloody and gory anime, a great flash lit the skies, and this together with the crack and rumble that followed immediately after jerked me out of my musings. The buildings within my range of sight, armed with lightning protection conductor rods, were unharmed by this terrible display of power.

“Ah, even the wrath of heaven has been utterly defeated by technology.” I waited and wondered if I should start worrying about my waning powers being unable to penetrate roofs. As I waited I realized that something was horribly awry. My long and patient wait was not ended by the familiar tunes of the Latin opening theme. In fact, when I clicked on the tab to check the progress of the loading anime, I realized that it wasn’t loading at all. Instead, staring at me straight in the face was a big and ugly “error” page. I clicked the refresh button several times but to no avail. At about the same time I discovered the disheartening fact that I was disconnected from the lands of Kaldana. I rushed into my bedroom and found the lights on my precious modem blinking away in great disarray. And so I experienced on this gray Saturday afternoon the first of the long chain of unfortunate events that would soon befall me.

Sunday was rather uneventful, with me wasting the entire day stoning in front of the computer, disabled by the lack of a connection. I decided to spend some time watching TV instead, and as a result the noise in the house doubling due a certain naggy, irritating and aged female deciding that she had found enough excuse to constantly disturb me (in the style of some mosquito in your room that just refuses to fly away and bug someone else) for “not working hard for the future”.

I thought that my horrendous luck would finally change for the better as a fresh week began. I had no clue at all of how absolutely wrong I would be proven to be. I excitedly stepped into the school compounds for a new round of school, lectures, tutorials, and perhaps education. I bounded happily into the canteen, only to find that it is a Monday, and I had foolishly deprived myself of 2 precious hours of slumber by going to school early. By the time lessons actually started I was all drained and tired, with barely enough energy to draw random stuff on my chem notes, much less listen. Never mind that, for it is only a minor concern in comparison to the cataclysmic disaster that would soon wreck my afternoon.

Just thinking about this afternoon alone makes me want to bury my face in my hands and sob like a little girl. Last term I could at least pass the boring hours of the physics H3 module fantasizing about a particular someone, with the hopes of at least catching a glimpse of her pulchritudinous form on my way home. Now that the venue was shifted across the road and two bus stops away, I have nothing to look forward to. Worse still I was imprudent enough to pon last week’s lecture, leaving me unable to comprehend a single word the lecturer was saying. At last, the life saving bell rang, and my heart lifted a little, thinking that at least my torment would be ended for the day. I stepped out of the LT to find it raining so heavily I wondered if the rift in the sky had reopened (The one that the legendary Chinese goddess nuwa sealed with rainbow stones in ages long past).

I am well aware of the differences between a bus and a submarine, but surely the former, while not being entirely waterproof, should provide some form of protection against the elements, especially rain. Yet the very vehicle that I boarded defied all forms of common sense, whether common or uncommon. The antediluvian “box on wheels” was so old that it looked like an anachronism pulled right out of a lousy drama serial shot in the seventies. Its seats and pillars squeaked and complained of backaches with each turn on the road, and overall it was so rickety I was surprised it did not fall apart on the journey to the interchange. Worse of all, when I found myself a nice window seat, there was this horrifying revelation that its roof had holes, and a constant stream of water poured onto my head, shoulders, bag and left leg whenever the vehicle accelerated. Yes, I am using the word “accelerated” because I want to be scientifically correct, for turning, braking and stopping are but acceleration in different directions. And yes, the only reason why my right leg was left untouched was because my bag was resting on it.

So I got off this bus, very drenched but thinking that I could at least catch the bus to the bus stop which was right below my block and hence avoid having to run through the rain. For the zillionth time of the day, my overly optimistic predictions were proven wrong. There were so many people who wanted to take that bus that I could not squeeze onto it, and a very sad me went off to another bus stop further away, hoping that by the time that bus reached my stop the rain would have stopped. But bad things don’t come as a singular entity; and they rarely appear as a pair. Most of the time, different incarnations of “bad thing” come together ganged up like the images of a phantom lancer. Not being an earth shaker, I was unable to defeat this overpowered enemy, and in the end I was forced to swim through the solution of 90% water and 10% air back to my house. Needless to say, I was the symbolic “chicken fallen into soup”. Oh well, at least Singaporean rain isn’t acidic enough to corrode me, being either too weak or too dilute.

Now that I am typing away on the keyboard, I have given up on thinking that my life in the near future could be anything but nasty. The drench from the rain has left me feeling feverish and sick; my shoes are all wet; the Internet is still not back up and I doubt that it would be fixed by Wednesday; and worst of all the CT results that will start flying back at me like boomerangs tomorrow onwards would serve to make the rest of this week as depressing and miserable as is conceivable. This, even considering the fact that I am one with great imagination, known for my aptitude for conceiving things usually inconceivable.

************************************************************************************

Haha, what am I doing, complaining of these trivial matters of life as if they could even begin to compare with the greater sorrow that I am forced to endure? The undeniable truth: my greatest torment is your disdain. I know, proximity is probably impossible given my inferiority, but am I not worthy enough of the right to feel your presence from a distance? To be acknowledged as a friend, that is all I ask for… maybe I ask too much. Perhaps I have overestimated my value, and don’t even deserve acquaintance and casual conversations. If that is true, then I must declare it the inexhaustible source of my melancholy. The sky is gray. I hate gray. If I had known things would turn out this way, I wouldn’t have mixed my black and white paint.

(written monday, 24th March 2008)

Bungling

2008-02-28T22:22:00.000+08:00

“The sword gets blunt with age, but the pen grows sharper with use.” I read this in a Chinese book many years ago, but never have I realized the immense wisdom that lie between those quotation marks. True enough, during those days of avid blogging, phrases and sentences flowed easily from my fingertips, but due to the inactivity over these few months I now have to squeeze my constipated neurons for minutes before they yield a few disjointed words. The low quantity of blog posts this month, the lower than low quality of the few posts, and my even yet lower GP marks in the first two GP assessments all bear testament to the truth of my theory. Apparently, I have lost whatever skills I once thought I had with words. It is not a lack of ideas, for they still flow like the Niagara Falls and I do not believe that my intellect could ever wane. Rather, it is my (left I think) brain’s slowness with the production of relevant words to describe my thinking, and clumsiness at the manipulation of those words that are causing the problem. And hence you see me here, looking very much like a retard, blogging away frantically on the eve of the greatly fearsome GP common test for hope of somehow magically becoming better at writing.

I think I should really get myself a good notebook. No, I am not referring to black things with a screen, a keyboard that you can bring around and play warcraft on. Yes, one of those would be pretty nifty as well, but what I really need now is the more old school “bundle of paper bound by some metal wire” device. In my daily travels I often come upon certain very interesting events or objects (or have some profound and interesting reflections about some mundane event or object -_-), and hence many a times I have thought to myself, “Wow! This would make an excellent topic for a blog post!” Yet, while my intelligence has still not yet reached its prime (will it ever reach “prime”? I think not because infinity adding onto infinity would never yield you a prime number), my memory is already failing me. And as a result by the time I reach home and on my computer, all but the smallest shreds that remain from my great thoughts have disappeared. A nice little handy dandy notebook and a pencil would be the most excellent solution to my problem.

Let’s next talk about buses. The reason why I want to talk about buses is that I sat on one on my way back home today. Yes, I know that I sound like a mountain turtle saying that, but it is true that I haven’t taken many buses home last year. Just last week, in some of my highly whimsical and random conversations with lz I was informed of the opinion of a particular individual on Singapore’s buses. That guy said that there were two kinds of buses in Singapore. The Red kind that move at a comfortable moving pace, and the Yellow kind that move quickly, but are so dimly lit you are excused for groping people inside. This is apparently an outdated observation for all buses are red now, and also I admit that I made up the part about groping people. However the descriptions are still surprisingly accurate. You can tell the interior of Transisland buses from SBS buses pretty easily: Transisland buses have dark green felt cushioned seats that are positioned such that your ass is only slightly below the lower side of the window, and generally have less lighting. On the other hand, SBS buses have seats that are lower relative to the window (your elbow more or less at the lower edge of the window) and covered by some unknown material that can be best described as “umbrella cloth like plastic sheets that attempt to imitate leather of some sort but fail extremely terribly.” In general, ex-tibs-buses move along the roads faster, vibrate less and are air conditioned at a cooler temperature, while SBS buses shake so much that you doubt the integrity of the machinery and parts of the bus, and are often air conditioned inadequately or not air conditioned altogether. The sum total of these effect means that SBS buses can make you feel very sick.

Ah, after all that digressing I think it should be time to start worrying about my common test yet again. It seems that my neurons have become so well connected that whenever I should think of points for any topic, all the points-antithesis, thesis, introduction, synthesis, witty saying for an argument- pops into my mind simultaneously in an instant, spend about 5 seconds swimming around my mind, and then vanishes immediately after. Using the analogy of light bulbs as ideas, this is like an entire house decorated by Christmas lights lighting up brilliantly for a short moment, and then the fuse burning and the whole house going pitch black.

The other problem that I fear to face would be the failure to come up with a sufficient quantity of synonyms to fill up the paper. Often I would unconsciously repeat the same word, phrase or expression several times in one essay, causing severe awkwardness and retarded-soundingness. Though mugging SAT vocabulary is theoretically supposed to help in this aspect I have yet to see a visible improvement.

Gah, it seems like the degradation of my language skills is accelerating, as evidenced from the increasingly low quality paragraphs that I am coming up with. To save my brain from lethargy tomorrow and my ego from embarrassment now I shall stop here.

May whoever you have faith you bless you in this epic struggle.

Pain of an impossible dream

2008-02-20T21:34:00.000+08:00

It is relieving to feel the familiar keys of my computer under my freshly declawed fingertips, but it would be even better if the thoughts that are pouring out are received not by a remotely situated server, but by you, the one common feature of all my hopes and dreams. The cacophonous and discordant thoughts that plague my mind speak to me in perfect unison of this one common desire.

Reality tells me of how dreams and hopes are lavish luxuries not everyone can afford. I too feel somewhat guilty of these audacious emotions. My eyes hunger to marvel your beauteous form; my ears thirst for your mellifluous voice; my heart aches to feel your spirited soul; and my mind spins and blacks out at each thought of you. The obsession is criminal.

Time rots away paper, fills cassettes with static, turns photographs yellow with age and corrupts the files in disk drives. Yet this relentless agent that so many hate has no effect at all on my memories of you. What will it take for me to forget? Apparently 5 years was not enough.

Where am I? Where do I go? More importantly, where does my obsession go? I feel hopelessly lost.

Rei in 'Rei'l life?

2008-02-18T23:48:00.000+08:00

It seems that this chick here would make a really good live action rei. I mean its from some almost entirely unrelated movie and the resemblance is unmistakable. The facial expressions are so similar and even minute details like the uniform and the ribbons looks the same. Just give her a hair dye, red contacts and a few years to develop a more mature bodyline and she'd be perfect for the live action movie.

Or maybe the director or some character designer of this movie was some crazy rei fan too and the resemblance is there on purpose.

Oh yeah, i pictures are from the trailer for L: Change the world

Fire Emblem

2008-02-13T21:59:00.000+08:00

“eh got wad good gba games ah?” I was asked.

I was dumbfounded, and apart from the standard “Pokemon Fire Red”, “Pokemon Leaf Green” and et cetera*, I could come out with few satisfactory answers to this question. There was no wonder this was so, since most of my games were acquired by me going online and getting whatever that has an interesting name. As a result, the majority are crappy platform shooters that probably had more work put into coming up with the title for the game than the entire development process.

*I only barely consider the GBA Pokemon titles other than the above mentioned as good. In terms of graphics they are only slightly better than the GBC titles (gold/silver/crystal); in terms of game play they can at best be considered to be different from their predecessors (The number of Pokemon you can catch, the gyms you can battle and the items you can use doesn’t really increase all that much as they only replaced the old ones with some new ones); and in terms of style and design they are almost definitely inferior to even the GB versions. The Pokemon in the older versions were all obvious references to real life animals and/or Shinto spirits and hence had a whole lot of flavor built into them; on the other hand, too many of the new pokemon can only be described as “dragon”, “monster” or “alien” and hence soon becomes boring. Furthermore, the over-complication of design meant that the “cuteness factor” was greatly diminished.

With my interest sparked off in this way, I set off in search of answers. Of the few which were recommended in the rankings on IGN, Gamespot and similar sites, I found Fire Emblem the most interesting from the description on its Wikipedia entry. I tried it, and before could stop myself I was spending the whole of my CNY (actually more like whatever time that was not already used up by eating) to play it.

Gameplay: 8/10

Not that I regret it though. Fire Emblem is a rare gem among the sea of hopeless franchise spin-offs that flood the market. The basic idea is pretty simple: you control a group of mercenaries in turn based strategy scenarios aptly described as a cross between Final Fantasy and Advanced Wars (of which the latter is coincidentally another TBS for GBA made by the same company, and this explains the similarities in certain game mechanics such as movement and terrain bonuses). Unlike most other strategy games however, there are no “normal” units; each character has his or her own inventory, and hence plays out more like an RPG than any kind of strategy game. The characters carry over to each new mission, somewhat reminiscent of the Warcraft 3 and Frozen Throne solo campaigns.

The game is on the easy side of the difficulty spectrum without being overly brainless or too difficult. Although I did get my main character killed a few times due to carelessness, it was pretty easy to complete most missions with zero unit losses on the first or second try. This is an important virtue of the game since it is rather frustrating to be stuck at one mission and forced to repeat the long cut scenes multiple times, especially when we are talking about a game designed for a hand held platform. For those willing and wanting for some reason to play Fire Emblem like a puzzle game, however, the same levels can be played in an increased difficulty mode.

I would have to admit, however, that its resource management system is limited. There is no form of unit production, and hence the game currency can only be spent on weapons and a very limited selection of miscellaneous items. The lack of a mana system means that there is only one type of potion, further limiting the usefulness of shops. The durability of the weapons seem to be a mechanic which exists solely to give the gold some use, making the entire resource system seem superficial. Acquiring supplies is extremely irritating and tedious especially at the start, as you need to spend turns in battle and sending one unit off to purchase replenishments for the entire party, or risk units being rendered useless when their weapons break. This is further worsened by the small inventory space of each unit. Also, there is no game mechanic for acquiring gold easily, with most of the gold being distributed at fixed points of the game.

Plot and character development: 10/10

This is where Fire Emblem really outshines the rest of all (and I do mean “all” as in –ALL-) the GBA games I have so far played. Let’s put it this way: where many popular animes have plots and characters interesting enough for a few game spin-offs, Fire Emblem’s character and plot is actually deep enough for a few anime spin-offs.

The bright game interface, music and design of the tiles exuberates a feeling of justice, pride, and faith in the good prevailing over evil; pure evil is made evident by darker cut scenes, with dungeon-like backgrounds; and in other missions the shadow of doubt is outlined by the uncertain words in the dialogs of the characters, a different music with more tension tension and fog in the actual map. These separate elements work together seamlessly, creating a magnificent atmosphere.

The main plot lines avoid the common problems of being overly convoluted while maintaining a good level of sophistication and hence realism. The main villains of the two plots are actually pretty clichéd: an unscrupulous brother plotting to murder the ruler and the rightful heir for inheritance, and an evil mage attempting to summon dragons into the world and throw it into chaos. However, the storyline is so well fleshed out by individual details, branched events and characters that it is actually enjoyable just playing the game for the plot alone.

From Lyn, the strong-willed heir of Caelin to the flirtatious cavalier Sain, individual characters are developed to such a depth that I felt saddened when even the most minor characters die in battle. The characters are far from static adaptations of standard “template characters”, having the ability to grow and mature as the plot unfolds. Just as an example the originally shy Florina becomes bold for the purpose of protecting her master, speaking out significantly more towards the end of the game. Each character has his or her personal history, personality traits and motivations for fighting, lending valuable realism to the game. While righteousness is clearly put across as the direction of the player’s party, each character joins the group for his or her own reasons. Raven, the myrmidon, joins to accompany his sibling; Dart the pirate joins out of boredom; while Eliwood, the main character of most of the game, begins the adventures to save his own father. Analogous to the existence of a spectrum of motivations for the protagonists is the separation of the evil into different shades of gray for the antagonists. There are the likes of Dorcas (who is forced to be a bandit out of desperation for money to treat his wife) and Guy (forced to work for the enemy to avoid starvation) who can hardly be considered evil; the intermediates like the Lord of Laus (enticed by greed to become a political puppet); and the really evil bad guys who wants nothing more than chaos and destruction for the world. This treatment of good and evil is clearly much more mature than the simplistic “one Rambo solo kia versus the evil overlord and his hordes of mindless minions” representation found in most other games and even stories or movies.

Graphics, animation and music: 9/10

Remember those hoof marks, scratch marks and horizontally sliding sprites (hoof stomp, slash/scratch and tackle/body slam respectively if you haven’t already realized what I am referring to) that put you in such awe when you first played your pokemon games? Well, the battle animations here make those from pokemon look like cave drawings. Each main character and each character class has one normal attack animation and one critical attack animation beautifully drawn and conscientiously animated with references to real life physics and martial arts styles. The rapier is used correctly by Eliwood in his lunge-pierce attack; broadswords are used for slashing like they should be; and heavy axes throw their users a little bit off balance when they are swung around.

Character portraits and backgrounds in cut scenes are very well drawn too, with the female characters in particular being cute to such an extent that they can be considered “hot” even by my unusually high standards.

The music is more than decent, with none of the compositions becoming boring or irritating even after they are repeatedly played when the player revisits the menu or cut scene screens. This is quite an achievement considering how I played this game for almost 6 hours straight and hence must have heard each piece about 20 times. As mentioned earlier, the in game music brings out perfectly the epic excitement, the nervous tension and victorious pride for individual game scenarios. It is a wonder how music made with all the hardware limitations of a hand held device can sound so much better than some pop music mp3s with their humongous file sizes.

Overall: 27/30

If by now you are not yet convinced, then either you are a lifeless mugger or severely impaired in certain aspects, or possibly both. For those whose minds are not yet irreversibly damaged by muggerism, I believe that once you have given Fire Emblem a chance you would agree with me that this game is a masterpiece truly worth your time.

Wentao's Lifeskill Lessons Lesson 1: Small Stones Big Stones

2008-02-03T18:44:00.000+08:00

Variant lyrics to a popular song

Scintillate, scintillate, globule vivific!
In vain do I ponder thy nature specific--
Precariously poised in the ether capacious,
Closely resembling a gem carbonaceous;
Scintillate, scintillate, globule vivific,
In vain do I ponder thy nature specific!

One of the results (i could not decide whether it was a beneficial development or a detrimental backlash) of mugging too much for SATs is that one would somehow become able to understand exotic languages which most laymen would identify as Greek and which those who could actually understand Greek would identify as Martian.

This brings us to scenario number 1. It was a boring Saturday afternoon. After three full soporific hours of physics Olympiad training I was at home flipping through random books i didn't know i had. I was about to succumb to lethargy and fall asleep when i saw this nice little song there standing out, cleverly hidden in a rather antique book which my parents probably acquired at some library book sale a few years back. The book was otherwise filled with preachy statements made by "famous people" about importance of morals,the ills of adolescence and other things that you would normally expect to find at a bovine posterior.

Moving on to things which are less likely to disturb your appetite (here's the hint to not check the dictionary for the two last word in the last paragraph if you don't already know their meaning), i was randomly floating around on the internet when i chanced upon this Rei Ayanami compatibility test. If you want to see my full results or try the test yourself you can click on the bottom left window panel.

The validity of the test itself is disputable, as I doubt the underlying assumption that absolute similarity is a prerequisite for compatibility with a particular person. It seems equally plausible to me that it is essential for good companionship to be at least partially asymmetrical, since the differences of one person could potentially cover up for the other's insufficiencies. I admit that i think so partially due to me scoring a rather low 85%, but still the motivations are irrelevant as the arguments are actually valid. For example i refer to the female characters in NGE, with their either weak sense of self identity(rei) or psychological insecurities(asuka and maybe misato). Don't they need a someone with a strong character to instill confidence rather than someone similar whose self doubt would only resonate with their existing psychological problems?

That was probably too much for a digression, for my true intent in bringing the test up was to show how surprising it was for me to realize that my honest responses showed that i was abstract, introverted, emotional and submissive. I have always considered myself to be considered by others as concrete, extroverted, logical and dominant, so either the test was screwed up altogether or i have misunderstood the true nature of my character traits all along. Though the suggestion of the possibility that i was mistaken about myself was rather disconcerting, the experience of reflecting upon oneself was an ultimately amusing and fun relief from the mundane routine of my boring life.

Having reached the end of my two examples, it is important to now ponder what is the intended takeaway from my little anecdotes. Their main purpose was to point out the fact that it is little pleasant surprises in life that makes it so beautiful. Concentric rainbow arcs after a heavy storm;a beautiful atlas moth resting on a shrub at the roadside;a chance encounter with an old acquaintance; or even a dota game where you discover a new item combo for a hero; it is often the case that these small, usually insignificant occurrences of chance are the truly memorable events of our lives.

If we can compare the events in our lives to stones, then often the large and bulky ones are simply ordinary and ugly rocks with nothing more than the unsightly, homogeneous greyness to look at and nothing more than the craggy, rough surface to touch(and sometimes cut you in the process). True beauty lies in the small stones, ranging from intricately polished pebbles to sparkling sapphires and rubies. Not everyone can get the unrealistically gigantic diamond; sometimes no one can get it. (The tiny gem and the monolithic boulder: which is worth more?)

And hence when one attempts to fill the cylindrical vessel that is his life with the large stones, often what he receives in the end is nothing more than a barrel of worthless boulders. In actual terms this is translated to a dull life filled with stress, pain and pressure from the heavy burdens. Even if he were to realize his mistakes and try to then to fill in the smaller stones, the delicate and precious gems are often crushed and destroyed by the weight and squeeze of the big igneous rocks that already take up most of the space in the vessel.

On the contrary, he who fills his life with the small things first would receive not just a collection of jewelry, but also space in his container for more should chance endow him with more. Life is short and hence the enjoyable things must be given priority for them to retain their value. Fun which is rushed and hurried for time to do "important" things would be no longer fun.

And hence the conclusion: Though it might be tantalizing (especially so with people tempting you) to fill your life with the big things first, realize that true value lies not in size. There is a chinese proverb which i shall quote: Rather be small jade pieces than large ceramic roof tile. Would you want a life filled with jade pieces or one filled with ceramic roof tiles?

Inundated by pain

2008-01-28T20:04:00.000+08:00

My hypothesis has just been confirmed. Indeed, I must be constructed of non opaque materials. You ran past me. You walked past me. Even while you were stationary, i could be sure that none of the photons which reached your retina were coming from me. Your gaze cut through my soul as if it did not exist at all, while i stood helpless with my eyes transfixed.

I swear i wasn't more than 1 meter away! And yet at this distance, where even the Predator (the extraterrestrial with all his sophisticated stealth technology) would be standing out like a sore thumb, i am somehow rendered invisible a cruel twist of fate. Our physical proximity a stark contrast to the vast distances between our worlds. Why is life so full of hurtful irony?

I wanted to say something, but i knew that if i were invisible, i would most definitely be inaudible too. Worse still would be if you actually heard me, for I cannot imagine what devastation i would plunge into when i hear the inevitable response. "Who are you?"

A wretched ghost whose form is unseen;whose cries are unheard;whose touch is unfelt;who lives in a bitterness no mortal can ever comprehend, much less hope to taste (then again, it isnt a tantalizing thing to hope for in the first place). Does he still exist?

Me in anime (almost palindrome)

2008-01-27T22:51:00.001+08:00

The immense beauty of NGE is simply incredible. Though it has been more than a month since i watched that last episode, this marvelous anime series has not ceased to amaze me.

Its euphoric symphonies soothe my soul exactly where it hurts the most;its poetic lyrics reflect my emotions better than the smoothest mirror that can possibly exist;its deep characters with their philosophical dialogs ask exactly the same questions that i ask and answer them almost exactly as I would. It seems as if the entire series was tailored for me and me alone... or am I and my thinking but one of an entire batch of mass produced goods, and hence it is only natural that software should be designed to cater to my kind? (If you don't understand what i'm trying to say, think of computers asking themselves,"why, what a coincidence that windows XP fits me so perfectly!") As always, the truth hides in the murky waters and thick fogs, always just beyond reach of your fingertips.

Here we have yet another of those songs that trace my every feeling like a photocopying machine. Kinda. Yeah so to know my thoughts all you have to do is to read the lyrics below. If you wanna listen to the music search for it on youtube or something, just take note that "Thanatos" is actually part of the name of the music, and not the name of the artist.

On a random and whimsical note, i finally have a blogskin which i can call my own! After hours of scripting and photoshopping and debugging i have finally managed to turn a girly skin into many skinny girls! Thanks to my rather unconventional photoshopping methods* and self learned html i am finally able to share the infinite beauty of Rei Ayanami with all my friends! Isn't it a great achievement?

If you have realized i have so far mention absolutely nothing about my SAT test yesterday. I hope that if you were to see me in real life or a msn convo you would be kind enough to not mention it. Everyone has painful ordeals which they wish to put behind them. (something useful you learn from Lost TV series) (yeah i screwed up the essay pretty bad so i probably wouldnt score as high as i want) (i want to score very high)

*One example: To create a say red square of size 100 by 100 pixels, i create a new file with that size, paint it red and copy/paste back onto the original picture... Think its not supposed to be done like that... So if any pro would care to teach me the conventional and proper method i'd be greatly grateful.

** Wow my grammar sucks, i just spotted like 2 mistakes in this short post :S

A nice song

2008-01-27T19:18:00.000+08:00

Thanatos- If I can't be yours

Now its time, I fear to tell
I've been holding it back so long
But something strange deep inside of me is happening
I feel unlike I've ever felt
And its making me scared
That I may not be what I think I am

What of us? What do I say?
Are we both from a different world?
'Cos every breath that I take, I breathe it for you
I couldn't face my life without you
And I'm so afraid there's nothing to comfort us
What am I, if I can't be yours?

I don't sleep, don't feel a thing
And my senses have all but gone
Can't even cry from the pain
can't shed a tear now
I realise we're not the same and it's making me sad
'Cos we can't fulfill our dream in this life

So I must let us break free
I can never be what you need
If there was a way through the hurt then I would find it
I'd take the blows, yes I would fight it
But this is the one impossible dream to live
What am I, if I can't be yours?

All hail the pulchritudinal rei in swimsuit

2008-01-25T22:38:00.000+08:00

I'm so happy with my new blogskin. Made it (almost) all by myself

Yes, i know that the word "almost" says a lot of things

Yes, i know that i have SATs tml

Yes, i'm very tired now so i'm going to bed

Goodnight

All hail the pulchritudinal rei

2008-01-24T22:24:00.000+08:00

Yeah i changed my blog layout.

Don't really like the layout and stuff but the picture more than makes up for it :D

Probably will change some stuff after i find out how it works :D

(after SAT of course)

Cellophane

2008-01-21T21:40:00.000+08:00

I saw you and inevitably noticed you. Thought it was coincidence enough that I should meet my sec 4 classmates who transferred over to your school. It turns out that coincidences like to show up in pairs very much. My jaws dropped, and my feet rooted firmly into the ground for the few seconds as my lagging brain realized what was going on. I must have looked stupid then, standing there in the middle of nowhere. So I pushed myself to walk on. But it was too late; for the damage was already done. I could feel myself melting down by the second like a snowman left in a greenhouse. At once, the evils of global warming which had so long evaded my attention became apparent.

You didn’t notice me, though. Maybe you didn’t see me. But I think you did. Or maybe you didn’t want to notice me. I guess that won’t be surprising at all, considering how much of a horrendous monstrosity I looked. Or perhaps you were too ill to notice me. I hope that is the case. Wait, I hope otherwise. How could I ever hope of you to feel even the slightest discomfort? I can’t help but contradict myself. I saw you sitting by the side while your peers were in a game. (Why, how much you remind me of Rei Ayanami sitting by the pool!)Were you in pain? Were you in agony? I fervently wished upon myself whatever anguish you were experiencing. For one of the few times in life, I prayed not to myself, but to whatever other powers that might exist. Pride and ego are things of secondary importance, to be forgone if only they could exchange for the alleviation of your sufferings.

I knew that I should go home but couldn’t. I told myself that I was simply tired of wasting all that time on the bus, and wanted go home more comfortably in my fathers car. I was lying. I took out a list of SAT vocabulary and stared into it, knowing very well that none of those jumbles of letters would go into my head. I moved to a more secluded location, uncontrollably taking glances in your direction every few seconds.

My brain wrestled control over from my heart for a brief second, and some self-consciousness flowed back into me. Amazement and disbelief overcame me as I realized how much of an obsessed stalker I was. I began to think. Of what use is a heart, if it sustains the body but wrecks the soul? My thoughts were cut short by an inexplicable but intense pain in my right wrist. It could simply be a sprain I got somehow…Or something wrong with my bones due to lack of milk…Or perhaps... My guesses start moving into the supernatural realm. That was more than five years ago. I was driven by infatuation, and observed you having a peculiar habit of making turning movements with your wrist. Wanting to somehow pick up a conversation, I playfully remarked that your wrist might eventually break. I regretted my words, and silently prayed for the curse to be moved back onto myself. What nonsense am I spouting? Really, I should be ashamed of myself for believing in such superstition.

I was then walking home. The moon was large and beautiful, partially obscured by a thin layer of clouds and fog that looked like a thin silk handkerchief covering the face of a beauteous lady. I can’t help but curse fate for having such a poor sense of humor. It was as if this romantic natural satellite was placed there in plain view with the sole intention of mocking me, the perfect round shape contrasting with my incomplete soul. Hatred. I wished for HouYi’s bow and arrows so that I could shoot that yellow circle down the sky. Or at least impale my own heart such that it may no longer trouble me.

Linkzzz

2008-01-14T19:04:00.001+08:00

Say, were you a stranger to chance upon this blog, what would you be your impression of the person behind the blog? I think we can be honest here and say that it wouldn’t be something very nice. A teenage lifeless nerd facing a dilemma with self-identity (egotheism); with a musical taste gone awry (FF7 themes); obsessed with computer games and not real life (warcraft blogskin); overly emo (see last few blogposts); and finally highly antisocial with a microscopic circle of friends consisting of other lifeless nerds (only 6 links out of which 2 are class blogs).

Anyone who knows me will realize how bad of a representation that is, of a glorious and divine being, confident but humble; with varied tastes and hence appreciation for different forms of music; is actively involved in real life; possesses great artistic flair for the expression of human emotions and finally popular and well liked by all.

Since I can’t change the first few things, as they are simply phenomena that reflect the limits of myopic mortal perceptions and opinions skewed by prejudice, I shall work on the last one, and proof the existence of my many friends by simply linking everyone who has a link on his or her blog to my blog. Asides from showing off, I am also embarking on this task to appease my conscience. It seems hardly fair of me to not consider people who consider me as their friend by linking me my friends by not linking them.

Oh yeah, one last thing: If you want to be gloriously considered as one of my aqcuaintances then link me and then tag me and allow me some time to link you back.

Flip a coin

2008-01-13T23:03:00.000+08:00

Suddenly felt an inexplicable urge to write something. Could be due to the fact that shida's timely blog post pushed down mine on the 2klever blog (and hence wanting to write something somewhere where it wouldn't be pushed down). Or maybe its my reluctance to allow an emo blog post to stay at the top for too long. After all emo blog posts arent very healthy, for all they do is make me more emo when i read them and hence more inclined to write another emo post, thus forming a vicious cycle. Or the alternative outcome is that i feel so emo that i don't feel like blogging at all, which was what happened during the holidays. I didnt want to discuss the trivial happenings in my life, but the fact is the few of the ideas i have for my blog post arent fully formed yet, and i would rather keep silent than post half arguments which aren't good representatives of my intellect. The only problem now is that for some unknown reason I can't keep silent now. So where are we? Back to emoness and the trivialities of life.

My days are getting busier and busier. I have SAT on the 26th too, so if im not as responsive on msn please forgive me for im probably mugging away somewhere. My mondays and wednesdays of each week are taken up by H3 lectures and phy o trainings, and thursdays every fortnight by H3 tutorials. By this cruel twist of fate, I have to visit a certain JC thrice every fortnight. A painful poke in the darkest insecurities. Why is it so easy to forget Physics formulas and so difficult to forget other things? Fortunately these visits consist of me rushing to a LT and then out and back home on a bus, so i probably won't meet you. But what if i do? Am i to pretend to be the stranger that i am to you? Be driven over the edge of sanity and fall into the dark abyss of madness? Best not to think too much on such things lest they should become self fulfilling prophecies. I know that there isn't the slightest chance, but in case- no, there isnt the slightest chance.

Arrgh, what the hell, i need to read more philosophy and take my mind off such things. Or maybe physics. Yeah more physics. I think i need to achieve something somewhere to make up for how much of an incredibly lousy failure i am at other areas.

A sadly interesting observation. My dreams used to be premonitions that would for the most part be fulfilled. Each of them wondrous signs of the bright futures to come. But for more than 5 years now it has done nothing but sustain false hopes and leave me more tired i am after waking up than before i go to bed. Somehow though i still crave to return to those dreams. Im becoming more and more addicted to the false world of illusions during those hours of night when my eyelids are shut. Hm. Im a dream addict.

Dull

2008-01-10T22:19:00.000+08:00

My feet no longer tread those grounds;yet my soul lingers there. My desiccated ocular organs still gaze with longing at those trees, grasses and walls that once witnessed your presence and mine. Years came and went, but my thoughts are chained to what happened then. I loathe the present and where I am. I could not move on, for i was weighed down by my heart and rendered immobile. The muscle in my chest still beats, but its sickly pulsations do nothing more than animate a corpse. Exhilarated by the prospect of meeting you, only to realize i am just a stranger. The sole thing which i ever wanted has disappeared. It probably wasn't there in the first place. It was probably some product of my overactive imagination, but i hate my inability at sustaining the illusions, even for just a little while longer. Why must self deception fail at such a time? Cramming my gray matter with rubbish seems the only thing i can convince myself to be worth doing. It brings some pain to my soul, and that at least would distract me from the greater torment in my heart. Rainy weather sucks. It's so cold at night.Junk food to fill the hollow insides, a clown's mask to masquerade the miserable outside, and drag myself through yet another day.

Nothing!

2007-12-30T21:49:00.000+08:00

My eyes scanned the screen, and found the date displayed above my latest blog post. The date read 08 December 2007. The trusty spherical messengers told this exactly as it is to the one and only ruler of myself, me. Like an old, fat royalty, my Conscience was shocked by such news. “What? It has already been twenty days since a blog post has last been posted?” my conscience roared. My Intelligence whispered quietly (but at the same time audibly enough for the rest of the court to hear it and snigger about it once they are in their own quarters), “Lord Conscience, this glorious day is the thirtieth day of December. Either 22, 23 or 21 days has passed, depending on whether you count the day on which the blog post was posted or today, or both, or neither.” My conscience tried desperately to cover up the embarrassing mistake, but was in vain. “Why of course I knew that,” Lord Conscience forced a smile, and continued, “Thirty minus eight is obviously twenty one, I was just testing you with some trivial arithmetic to see if you were paying attention…” Lord Conscience was getting lost in his own words, when all of a sudden he gave the look as if he remembered something, and said to me, “Your majesty, I remembered something!” The anger and shock slowly returned to his face, and he spoke once again in that thundering voice, which demands attention. “My King, you must do something! Think about something, and record your contemplations about this something down, and turn it into a blog post so that we shall all be respected and admired for our great intellect!” I thought about this, and was about to agree when Baron Laziness, just waking up from his afternoon nap, heard this and objected. “No my lord, you should neither think nor contemplate about anything. Just magically conjure a blog post!” Knowing Baron Laziness’ character, I was pretty surprised that he was not against the idea of blogging altogether, but then again it was not so surprising when I considered the fact that he too, wanted to be respected and admired for the possession of great intellect.

I was placed in a dilemma. Should I think about something and anger my laziness, or not think about anything and anger my conscience? Then an idea came to me. Is there something that is not anything? Why not I meditate about “nothing”? “Nothing” is certainly not anything, but it is something if I can think about it. So I found a way to both appease my conscience and please my laziness. I congratulated myself on my genius and went on actually think about nothing.

So I started thinking. What, exactly, is ‘nothing’? Let us first assume that ‘nothing’ is an object, or a kind of object. To this we must set out to find an example of true ‘nothing’. Is the vacuum of space ‘nothing’? But there is cosmic dust in it, and hence is not truly ‘nothing’. What about the vacuum of space without ‘cosmic dust’ or any matter? There are still cosmic rays in that space. (No I am not referring to some kind of giant space fish) Even if there are no cosmic rays, the space is still subject to forces of gravitational attraction, and hence is something other than the ‘nothing’ we seek. But what if we could find a volume with absolutely no forces, no matter and no particles within? Such a space would similarly not be nothing, since it has a boundary and hence qualities, and therefore not truly ‘nothing’. Hence, if “nothing” is an object, then it must be boundless and limitless, and the only way this can be so would be if the entire universe were nothing.

Such a statement is apparently preposterous and ridiculous, and reveals something on the nature of “nothing”, that it is not actually an object by itself, but rather a quality. Put simply, nothing is not a noun, but rather an adjective. When we say someone eats nothing, that person does not actually consume ‘nothing’, but rather ‘nothing’ is used to describe the fact that the air he inhales, the dust that enters his mouth is actually lacking in nutrition and hence is ‘nothing’ in that aspect as food. A computer could be Deep Blue at international chess, but nothing in Chinese chess. The concept of “nothing” is a description with specific limitations and boundaries.

This conclusion then reveals a startling implication, that most things, or rather all things are mostly nothing. A red apple may be something in its redness, but is nothing in its aspects of being green, blue, yellow, orange, purple, and so on. It is nothing in terms of being a pear, an orange, a grape, a window, a house, or my digital watch. For every quality that an object possesses, there are infinitely more that it does not possess, since man can hardly claim that he is aware of all existing qualities. This logic can be similarly applied to each and every object.

The only overwhelming quality in the universe is nothingness. The statement that the universe is entirely nothing was dismissed, and we return only to an extremely similar conclusion, that the universe is almost entirely nothing. In fact it is so full of nothingness that it can be said to be as good as nothingness.

Reviews of 3 animes!

2007-12-08T20:04:00.000+08:00

Sigh time and again I have had some idea of what I want to write, had a few sentences or even the first one or two paragraphs written, and then get distracted by some other occupation and in the end gave up writing altogether. Perhaps this is so due to the inner conflict between my perfectionist self and my procrastinating self. On one hand I would rather not post if what I have written were unsatisfactory; and on the other my procrastinating self allows me to drag the process of writing till so deep at night that my lethargy and melancholy combined prevent any possibility of me completing the post to any desirable quality.

Well, when two conflicting forces clash and when each of them is just as titanic as the other, either a resolution of conflicts has to occur or disastrous losses has to result. I have been so overwhelmingly lazy that I have refused to even attempt at resolving this problem, and hence the results lies before your eyes: over one month of inactivity. Perhaps just for the sake of updating this blog I would have to make do with a lousy blog post of neither adequate length nor qualities. Arggh, cant be bothered, if short then short it shall be. Life is tough anyway. That’s what makes it fun anyway…

As a glorious being of incomprehensible prowess, it is only natural that my tastes be exceptional (or put in a manner more respectful towards the lesser beings: different). Hence it was no surprise to find out through my conversations with the two mortals lz and wendi, that our evaluations of certain animes were quite different. Though I’m sure that these two hidebound friends of mine would most definitely refuse to agree with me and continue in their aberrant ways, an inexplicable feeling of responsibility as one from the greater altitudes has compelled me to give my comments nevertheless. After all, wisdom is so sought after by men that I would feel guilty should I selfishly hide my sagacious qualities.

Anyways (I think I developed a phobia of using this word since I realized in a single blog post I used this word more than 20 times some time ago), I shall move on my review of Chobits. The storyline is fairly simple: A male student finds a random sexy and super powerful (needless to say female) robot in some rubbish dump, and he keeps her at his house. Over time true love blossoms and after overcoming a few conflicts and obstacles the main characters have a happy ending.

Although the first few episodes seem like a brainless, superficial, skin-deep lust inducing soft-core cartoon, the plot progresses to express some very thought inducing ideas. Most particularly, I believe that the anime attempts to convince the viewer that true love is very possible; it is constructed as much of the little things in life as it is of flamboyant declarations of affection; and it transcends physical differences (well it works even between a robot and a human, so racial differences must be really insubstantial). This is done through an inconspicuous, but significant conversion of the main character from an average guy who drools at pornography and nose bleeds at scantily clad female bodies, to a mature man with very idealistic views about love who rejects lust and sees beyond the physical gratification aspect of a relationship. That must be the kind of transformation the anime makers wanted to see in their target audience. In all, Chobits develops in the viewer a strong attachment to each of the main characters through ensuring the focus never strays from the love between the couple. Personally I believe that this is the best out of the three I watched because of the touching love story and the exceedingly cute characters, and of course the nice opening theme. The main weakness is the lacking sense of reality (how ridiculously lucky can that main guy get?), and the unbelievable ease with which the main conflicts are resolved.

Favorite female character: Chii (DUH)
Idealism: 5/5
Realism: 2/5
Plot: 4/5

The next anime I would review is Fate/Stay Night. I would have to disagree with the good reviews from the other people and say that this anime is not as good as people say it is. (it is actually decent) The first thing you realize is that the opening theme sucks, and after 30 minutes you would find that the ending theme sucks quite bad too. As one of the random people commented on youtube, “this anime needs some decent J-rock/J-pop!” The love story is really quite weak compared to Chobits, partially because Saber appears quite late into the anime and talks and acts like a robot for a large part of the story. (Unlike Chii, who is actually a robot but acts like a little loving child at first and then a devoted lover later) Besides that, it is also pretty horrid that just at the moment when the current biggest baddie known to the audience seems to be the biggest baddie possible, some even greater baddie appears and take over the role of the biggest baddie. This happens an unreal number of times. Lets count: First Rin Tohsaka is the biggest baddy since she tries to annihilate Shiro with flying black balls. Then rider appears and almost kills Shiro, and you think that she and her enigmatic master would be the ultimate enemy in the show. But soon the duo is defeated, and a yet bigger enemy in the form of Illya and her ugly berserker appears. After some trouble berserker gets owned, and some caster type servant Medea is revealed to be so impossibly evil that she killed her master. And at the point when it seems inevitable that the main characters are going to get owned by Medea, some random deus ex machina in the form of a mysterious guy appears in the air and totally thrashes Medea with ten thousand flying magical weapons. This guy is revealed to be so exceedingly unimaginably noxious antagonist that he was actually from an entirely different Holy Grail War. The constant shifting of the role of the “biggest baddie” is characteristic of power ranger type monster-of-the-day shows, and the main reason for my poor review of the anime. There is little beyond the fight and a rather simple love story, though the observable small changes that occur in Shiro’s self-evaluation (and hence his actions) as he matures is a rather decent redeeming quality. Also Rin Tohsaka’s strong character and soft spot for Shiro is rather entertaining.

Of course The best part of the anime is probably the surprising twist in the plot when the audience realizes that Kirei Kotomine, easily dismissed at the start as the stereotypical “impartial and not good but not bad either, minor, and disappears entirely after a few appearances” kind of character, actually turns out to be the biggest baddie of all the big baddies.

Favorite female character: Rin Tohsaka (Nope not Saber-chan!)
Baddies: 1/5
Magical artifacts, allusions to mythology: 3/5
Love story: 2/5
And the last of the three, the old but incredibly good Neon Genesis Evangelion! I actually liked this more than Chobits, but due to the possibly confusing nature of the self reflecting soliloquies and exceedingly philosophical ending which would most definitely be very difficult to understand for any being of a lower mental prowess compared to me (yeah pretty much the whole human population), I rated it lower than Chobits. The most marvelous thing is that the ending echoes exactly with what I was thinking as I was going through last few scenes, expressing a thought provoking take on reality and the concept of self and others which even I more or less agree with. Of course the love story was necessarily blurred and weakened (otherwise the blinding love would be like the biggest thing and make the philosophical considerations quite pointless and lame). Just like Chobits NGE starts out just like another crappy example of a failed cartoon from a lousy genre, this time the ultra man or power ranger monster-of-the-day genre. However I would like to point out that interwoven between these rather useless scenes (I’m pretty sure they were just there as a weak attempt to jack up the number of children watching it, since this anime was first shown at the children’s slot. And you do know that children are really excited by this big monster and big robot fighting and demolishing cities kind of thing) are small fragments that show the character traits of the protagonists. That part where Shinji visits Rei’s house and helps her clean up, Shinji’s repeated attempts of running away and returning to fight, Rei using blocking the Angel’s attack from Shinji until she almost melts, and Shinji pulling her out of her capsule. The mysterious and beautiful Rei (I wonder if she can be considered as femme fatale? Oh, and she looks just so damn freaking gorgeous from the back, when she’s wearing her school uniform) is my favorite female character. And the fact that she was mostly left out at the end of The End of Evangelion, (well yeah you can see her gigantic head but it is obvious Asuka and Shinji will be a pair while she will just “watch quietly from above”) is one of the reasons why I prefer the ending from the original NGE. Yeah, she is pretty much the most attractive anime character out of the few I watched. If there is any weakness that is screaming for attention in NGE, it is probably drowned over the sound of how simply freaking awesome Rei Ayanami is. Well last of all I would like to say that I despise Shinji (as everyone who watches this will probably do) for being such a goddamn freaking weak wuss, and being of no support at all to the psychologically weak females. The viewer will probably say “damn him for getting such pretty chicks and not being able to comfort them! I’ll sure do better if I took his place!” And upon reflection 10 minutes later realize that we all share the same insecurities as Shinji, and would probably fare even worse if placed in his dilemmas.

Favorite female character: Rei Ayanami (Yay for her always seeming to look somewhere else)
Rei Ayanami: (10/5)
Rei Ayanami: (20/5)
Rei Ayanami: (Infinity/5)
Philosophy: (5/5) [or (0/5) if you can’t understand it. And you probably can’t.]

Nonsense

2007-11-05T13:04:00.000+08:00

Argh, the parts of my brain feel scrambled up like scrambled eggs in a frying pan, like mixed vegetables mixed in a blender… Perhaps coffee in the morning after a night of no sleep isn’t such a smart idea after all.

Well, they say every cloud has a silver lining, so allow me to make good use of this opportunity, when I am without the majority of my mind processes, to truly blog as a sane mortal. Actually I am not so sure about the sane part. But mortal, surely, at least for short time being, for you can see even my sentences don’t make grammatical sense.

Enough about struggling with my mind, I must make good use of this opportunity before it vanishes and my intelligence returns. Or insanity, as you might refer to it. Well, I am not so sure that without my mind I am less crazy though.

A few words of advice, chalets are no good cure for post-anime-emo-withdrawal syndrome. After a whole night of Magic: The Gathering, fanning charcoal for barbecue, funny movie watching, violent movie watching, Mah Jong, PS2 games, and other random things my metal state does not allow me to recall at this moment, the irresistibly cute image of Chi from Chobits still refuse to stop haunting my dreams. Sucks, huh?

A good cup of coffee in the morning does help you stay awake throughout that groggy morning, when your friends who took ice milo instead are all dozing off uncontrollably on the MRT trains. In fact more than just keep you awake, for people who rarely experience caffeine like me it makes me so high listening to heavy metal and rock (specifically Smooth Criminal by Alien Ant Farm) on the MRT bouncing with energy at 7 pm while some lingzhang who made a less intelligent choice was desperately hoping for toothpicks to hold his eyes open. However, I assure you it is detrimental to your mental wellbeing (f***, Microsoft work sucks, it red-underlines “wellbeing”, and suggests either “well being” or “well-being”, which it then underlines green >.< I am no linguistic expert, at least not with my current brain so im just going with this spelling), as shown by the coherence in this post.

Sigh… It pains me to see you suffer whenever I check. It pains me even more to know that my help and even my wishes to help are probably unwanted. Haha, it’s somewhat amusing to think that someone else already serves that purpose. I’d like to believe that I’m fine with that. And I’d actually be fine with that, if only that person does a good job. Ah, a glass of water and some trance music has cured some of that hangover-like confusion in my brain, but still the pain remains.

Sleep, where my senses are dulled, where my nerves are numbed, and where pain is reduced to melancholy, or even happiness, as in the case where want is translated to an illusion of possession.

The ancient evil survived

2007-10-06T12:51:00.001+08:00

Long time since we’ve last met, little ones! My apologies for neglecting this blog so long, but you can’t blame me, for I was enjoying the rare pleasures of pretending to be weak and limited in my knowledge; pretending to believe in the existence of “challenges”; and pretending to attempt to work to overcome this challenge that comes in the form of one wonderful week filled with exciting events known as examinations. Oh, the suspense! Oh, the tingling sensation of doom! Oh, your head aching with pleasure from studying late past midnight! Oh, the sweet dreams of seeing gigantic ‘O’s at where your score is supposed to be and addition signs rotated 45 degrees about its center everywhere else! Role-playing as a student is such fun; it would be injustice to deprive me of it.

I guess everything that has a beginning has an end. So that exhilarating experience is over, but cheer up; for just like the birds leave for the north in summer; the absence of examinations is only temporary. When the winds grow too chilling for the birds to bear and the branches on the trees turn too frosty for birds to break and make nests with, they (both the exams AND the birds) would return. So just bear with your exam withdrawal syndromes and wait patiently.

Of course, I am fortunate; for I am well blessed with 2 servants who are adepts at inducing those wonderful feelings known as “irritation”, “anger” and “impatience”, and more importantly they are constant reminders of the wonderful vacations away from the mundane reality; reminding me of all the things wonderful. Just imagine videos and photographs that eternally preserve all the wonderful moments in a vacation. Those novel things known as “parents” do just that; except with unparalleled vividness and reality; and the added emphasis on the score of the lowest numerical value.

But there comes a time when I have to stop going on about pretending to be “carnipotent” or “herbipotent” already. The sad truth is I’m a lousy hybrid of both. Sigh, how sad I am of my stupidity! For I realized to my horror: despite my previous attempts to deceive myself that my thinking abilities are way above the average they are only about average and not any better. In fact I must admit my intelligence quotient is exactly average. Arrgh, how scarring reality is! It is frustrating when whichever community I am in has a average intelligence of infinity. Well, the best I can do is hope one day some mathematician proves that you can divide infinity by a finite number and get another finite number.

My mundane life of playing warcraft calls for my presence yet again. I shall be gone. Hopefully by the next time I feel urged to blog my mundane life would have offered me something more interesting to blog about. Until then, may you be blessed by the divine dark.

Nihilism

2007-09-10T17:39:00.001+08:00

Ignorance is Bliss.

No Knowledge.

Indifference is Nirvana.

No Emotions.

Silence is Golden.

No Noise.

Darkness is Eternal.

No Light.

Anarchy is Utopian.

No law.

Chaos is Perfection.

No Order.

Death is Natural.

No Life.

Oblivion is Inevitable.

No thing.

Loneliness is Melancholy.

No you.

Sucks.

Noises

2007-09-02T00:11:00.000+08:00

Song that simply sucks. Horrid singer, whose voice is the perfect representative of all sickly sounds from unfortunate men plagued by chronic infections in their nasal cavities. Influenza, sore throat and constipation assaults his voice relentlessly throughout the disastrous track, making him sound like a crow with over sized eggs stuck in its oviduct. Can’t go in, so words are forced out one by one. Guitar sounds as it has recently suffered a fall from the tallest skyscraper that exists. So does the hand that strums it, for an absolute absence of any conceivable pattern between individual “twangs” is detected. Of course, a melody there is. As much of it as there can be from an orchestra of electric drills drilling through solid concrete, hammers attempting rather in vain to puncture a metal block, and fingernails dragged forcefully across a blackboard.

But its a song you like. I press the big red button with a white cross on the top right hand corner of my wmp. The mellifluous notes of a rock song flowing from the speakers stop abruptly as a result of my actions. I open a separate one to listen to the musical disaster of your preference. I force myself to finish listening to it. Irrational and stupid behavior that is, for I know my instincts are merely telling me to plant cooked peanuts in the hopes of growing a watermelon tree. Chaotic inconsistencies in logic fill my mind. Though deprived of decent sounds, I force myself to click on the word “repeat”. Hey, the lyrics are not bad. “Lyrics are stupid, lame and meaningless bunch of clichés” this I force to delete from my mind. “But they don’t even rhyme!” It’s called creative and artistic. Untruth naturally triumphs over truth when it is backed by your image.

A tenth repeat of the song.

Midnight.

The tune makes me looney.

Why are there no beanstalks sprouting from those magical beans? My eyes transfixed at where my peanuts are covered by a thin layer of soil. On the verge of tears for I exchanged a cow for them. Maybe it was an ox instead. Wait, or was it ten dollars? Perhaps it is my sanity. *Dies* *Dulled Cornea*
This is the first day of my death

The Sanctity of Death

2007-08-25T23:07:00.000+08:00

Before I begin, some clarifications are in order. To those who read my previous post, you might be in a state of great confusion at this very moment. What can I possibly still have left to say, after even my ultimate argument has been put forth and brought to light? For those already devout followers of what I preached, understand that there exist individuals whose stubbornness are astounding in magnitude. Not all would belief the apparent, even if it is put right in front of their noses. To convince these people patience is critical, and hence it would do everyone good to put aside the beliefs they are most convinced of aside for a moment and consider things from conventional perspectives.

As for those who were unfortunate enough to miss what I wrote last Wednesday, I highly recommend you taking some effort to scroll down a little bit and read it, for it would most definitely benefit your enlightenment significantly,

“Sanctity of life.” This irritating phrase has been buzzing around my ear for such extended periods of time that I am fed up enough to finally refute it and all of its supporting arguments in one fell swoop systematically. Apparently, all those self-proclaimed practitioners of logic are no more than hypocritical donkeys with insufficient sense to even realize that such absurd thinking as stated in the first sentence of this paragraph falls apart under any attempt of scrutiny.

I understand that their refusal to reject such nonsense is more due to political caution than any form of intellectual disability. Put coarsely, most are simply too cowardly to stand up against the opinion of the masses. Since I care not much about public relations anyway, I shall strip this argument of all its deceptive guises and reveal the truth to you.

Though the pro-life arguments are numerous, most of them fall into one of the following categories. Realize that most of these arguments are reused again and again by environmentalists, human rights activists, moral advocates in general, and hence the counter argument would have similarly abundant applications in other debates.

Argument of Nature (AN)

Simply put, this argument attempts to justify the sanctity of life, and attacks actions such as abortion and euthanasia in the following format:

1. X is natural/ unnatural.
2. Therefore, X is right/wrong.

In the first place, moral advocates often have misconceptions on what is natural and what is not, preferring to rely on their personal feelings to define the concept. This is a fatal logical flaw, for if we were to discuss the issue from this angle we should first adopt a strictly scientific attitude.

With that, it is apparent how AN-1 falls apart like a house of cards. If natural is defined as the state which matter tends to be in, then apparently death is more natural than life, since the majority of matter in the universe is not alive, and life always tends towards death, and not the other way round. The next question is if human actions can be considered as part of nature. If human actions were natural processes, then wouldn’t actions such as abortion and the use of contraceptives be necessarily natural because they are human? It is also possible to adopt the stricter and more awkward definition of “natural” as being the course of matters without human influence. In that case, all human actions would be unnatural, and no action would be preferred over another. Aborting an embryo would only be as unnatural as say, eating a meal. (Note without human intervention in the form of eating, you die. Another piece of evidence to show that death is more natural) Scientifically, nothing differentiates natural actions from the less desirable alternatives. As it turns out, “natural” is nothing more than a vague and blurred concept invented by the likes of pro life activists to justify otherwise irrational viewpoints. They represent only the personal preference of these people, their first emotions and feelings when they find out about the action in question.

Moreover, the AN-2 can be attacked as well. Is a natural course of action necessarily superior to an unnatural one? If this is so, does it not mean that we should abandon all technology, which by the way includes fundamental and ancient inventions such as clothes and wheels and fire, and go back to becoming monkeys in the trees?

Argument of Morals (AM)

Compared to the above argument, this argument is similarly short, and nonsensical. Like all the other arguments they might initially have deceptive guises, but with the frills removed they are easily reduced to the following form:

1. X is morally acceptable/unacceptable.
2. Therefore it is right/wrong to do X.

A simple counter argument can be formulated:
1. Morals are not universal across cultures.
2. What is right and wrong should be universal across cultures.
3. Hence, AM-2 cannot be true.

It is clear that ideally moral codes SHOULD be the fruit of logical deductions showing some action or other as right and wrong, and not the other way round. Logical arguments precede the formation of morals, and hence the latter are invalid premises for logical arguments. When logic or the consequences of a valid argument should contradict with certain moral codes already set in place, it only goes to show the inadequacy of morals, and hence it is the moral codes that should be changed to accommodate this logic.

Argument of Religions (AR)

The argument of religions is essentially identical to the argument of morals, with the exception that deities and immortal beings are brought into the picture. The justification itself is just as ridiculous:

1. God says X is right/ prefers X
2. Therefore X is right

Firstly, if you have read my other posts you would realize that religion itself does not even have its fundamental ideas based on logic. It is based on faith, and hence such beliefs that are unjustified by logical means should not be even considered in debates.
Furthermore, the problem of multiple, separate religions exist for this argument, just as the existence of different morals does for the previous argument. As a result, it is unclear which “god” we should listen to among the multitudes that exist in different regions and countries.

Of course if we were to really analyze this argument logically we would soon find a problem with AR-1. Does god really prefer live organisms to inanimate objects? If so, then why does death exist in greater numbers and masses? When humans have little of something they like, it is because of the inability to acquire more. Since god is almighty, why doesn’t he simply create organisms and fill up the whole universe with it? Apparently he must either prefer the dead to the alive, is not almighty enough to create life as he wishes.

Another variation of this argument is that life is something gifted to us from god, and hence it is something precious and it is sacred. But the contrary is true as well. Since god created the entire universe, all non-living objects must also be gifted with their “deadness”, which is a state as well. So it follows that death is something precious and sacred as well!

Argument of Common Sense

There is nothing much to say for this argument apart from the fact that it is simply pure rubbish born of stubborn people. Unsurprisingly, it is also what most of the other arguments become when bits and pieces of them get chipped off until nothing substantial is left.

1. X feels right/wrong
2. Therefore X is right/wrong

Even with such trash we can still question the fundamental differences between life and death, and if they really exist at all. At the microscopic and fundamental level, life processes are nothing more than physical interactions between molecules. Simply put, most organisms are only incredibly complicated machines. Response to stimuli is actually only sophisticated versions of one end of a see saw going up in response to the other side being pushed down. There is nothing fundamental separating organisms from non-living things, apart from the specific mechanisms that they are made from.

Also, I have often heard from certain people an attempt at reductio ad absurdum: “If what you said is true, then you might as well go and die.” This argument already hinges on the assumption that life is superior, since if it is the otherwise, what is wrong with simply dying? Besides, What I have previously proven is the non-superiority of life over death, but it does not have to follow that death is superior. Hence, it is as possible for me to “just die like that” as “just live like that”.

In conclusion, it is easy to see how the “sanctity of life” has no actual justification at all, and is but irrational feelings shared by some overtly emotional individuals about certain things they do not even comprehend. Their own cowardly fear of the unknown drives them to condemn others, who do not fear the same, and spread the fear to those without it in order to sway them.

Nihilism->Solipsism->Egotheism

2007-08-15T23:02:00.000+08:00

When my faith is declared to others, it is not a rare occurrence that I am faced with faces of doubt, suspicion, ridicule and even scorn. It seems unthinkable, to mortals of finite intellect, how anyone could ever be so arrogant to adopt an outrageous religion such as mine. I shall not dispute with those resolute believers of some religion or other who have undying confidence on the existence and accuracy of their version of the “truth”. If that works for them, it is fine with me. Perhaps time will tell if they have placed their faith in the correct basket out of the multitudes of self-proclaimed “true religions” under the sun. Perhaps the truth will never be revealed, I do not proclaim to know the exact details, nor do I care.

What is important for me is to find a belief that would work for myself and myself alone, which I can place absolute loyalty in without conflicting with my conscience. The conscience I speak of here denotes something slightly unlike the word as defined by the dictionary; the disparity is too slight to be effectively described in words and be comprehended by reading, hence I shall leave it to your conjecture on what this word entails.

The reason why egotheism was chosen is simple. It outshines every other existing school of thought or faith by being plausible and justifiable regardless of which angle at which we look at logic.

Faced with the dilemma of choosing a faith to believe in, I was greatly abhorred, confused, and insulted by the thousands of existing religions which each insisted irrational faith and unwavering believe in their perception of reality. It seemed such a heinous crime to believe blindly and discount evidence in its entirety.

Hence the attention was turned to the other schools of philosophy, including but not limited to utilitarianism, rationalism, empiricism and so on. Each of these failed in that they were not overarching, and had some vulnerable loopholes here and there which made them incredible when faced with aggressive logical attacks. For the majority this loophole was the inability to satisfactorily explain the unknown and the correct attitude to it.

As a result of the constant consideration, and then rejection of ideas, eventually my mind chanced upon the idea of nihilism. Of course due to my limited reading at that point in time I was unaware of the correct name of this school of thought, but the essence was al the same. For some time I believed that truth may never ever be ascertained, and nothing is ever meaningful. This is perhaps the most accurate conclusion we would draw from science, which I was apparently highly obsessed with, since as much as science revealed, it brought us nowhere closer to the big question of the meaning and purpose of our existence. What was more important was that this philosophy surpassed the others as it was able to account for the unknown, ironically through admitting that everything could not be accounted for. You might realize that this was the very earliest evolution of wentaoism, so that was around the time where my belief lied mostly in nihilism.

Of course, to “normal” minds Nihilism would be so terrible a philosophy it would not be considered philosophy at all. Throughout history it was dismissed by people from all religions, societies and ages, for the sole reason that nothing, the absence of a reason, is so terrifying it is unthinkable to most. As a result, debaters often abuse Nihilism, and use the word as a tool to prove the faults in their adversaries’ arguments. The opponents’ arguments would simply by destroyed, taken apart and torn into smithereens if it shares even a small similarity with Nihilism. It is a no-brainer to most of how Nihilism was comprised wholly of lies, unimaginably ridiculous and hence by comparing it to any argument the speaker would have successfully performed a dazzling display of reductio ad absurdum. Yet, I believe that it is unjustified to simply assert the falsehood of Nihilism simply because of the fact that it has alarming implications and might contradict with morality.

Of course these more popular schools of thought did not intimidate me, and since I did not think much of morality anyway, I happily adopted Nihilism as my belief.

However, there was just one small teenie weenie problem with Nihilism. It offered entirely no advice or guidelines at all as to how I should go about my daily business of eating and sleeping. Should I mug more? Should I play more? Nihilism offered no help in this respect, where others religion had loads to say. In fact, Nihilism rarely said anything about anything, except that you don’t really know. Not liking ignorance, I decided to search for something similar, but had a little more regard for my own experiences. Of course, it could be true that nothing in the universe meant anything, but then I would like some advise on what to do if in the case that there was something that existed with meaning.

I found what I was searching for. Apparently, a cocktail mix of Solipsism and Nihilism was the answer to my need for faiths of more substance. Similarly misunderstood and shunned, solipsism meant believing that only the existence of self can be ever determined. All other perceptions are merely extensions of our senses, which are in turn part of our consciousness.

It turned out to be that egotheism based on these two philosophies would stand to the scrutiny of any logic, or non-logic, for that matter.

Firstly, it has at least as much justification as science, if we were to assume that logic and science is the correct route to get to truth. We are all aware of how science involves the non-absolute method of induction to reach its conclusions. What this means is that while science is unable to reach the “true truth”, what believers in science do is to get as close to it as possible using existing evidence. Similarly, egotheism exists as a compromise to Nihilism through solipsism. Though the absolute truth can never be discovered, we can at least judge through existing evidence, which all only point to the existence of my mind. It would be unfair to assert the existence of anything beyond that, since it would be placing a conjecture upon an unconfirmed conjecture, assuming that things beyond me exist while my own existence is not certain. Apparently solipsism is in this respect doing just what science is: moving as close to the truth as possible using whatever evidence we possess. It only faces as severe a problem as science does in the form of Hempel’s paradox.

But what if the other case is true, that faith, not logic is the route to truth? Here we are placed in the old dilemma again. Which of the religions hold the truth? Apparently, there is no way to find out, the true deities were to descend from above. Even so, does that event necessarily exclude the possibility of other deities existing? Apparently it is impossible to reach any conclusion through logical conjecture, and all depends on faith. If so, then the faith of egotheism would be as justified as any other.

Lastly, what if neither logic nor faith leads to truth? What if truth does not exist at all, and all is meaningless as believed in extreme Nihilism? In that case, any attempts to rationalize would be useless. If we still were to keep a little bit of logic we can see that any route of action would not be better than another, but since all logic is already void and there is no truth, there is really no way to find out. This is perhaps the only possible loophole in egotheism. But since this is a problem with all philosophies that are based off logic or religions based off faith (ok here’s the challenge: find me one that doesn’t) it is really a “sunk cost” of all believes.

Apparently, it is irrefutable what is the most suitable belief. Though it is only as good as, perhaps not better, than science and religion at their respective aspects, it does serve as a better and more sensible alternative for the Pascal’s wager.

2007-08-13T18:24:00.000+08:00

My little maleficent underlings, we meet again. Ah, yes, minuscule one? I see a troubled countenance written on your face. Speak your worries! Wait; there is no need to voice anything, for the vocalization of thoughts is only a crude tool used by those who have not yet learned the intricate arts of mind reading. Let’s see… Ah, so you are anxious that in the hustle and bustle of your daily lives you might accidentally neglect to be updated on my teachings? You fear missing out some of my brilliant blog posts when a power surge destroys your computer rendering you internet-disabled for a full week? Ah, some of you are afraid to forget what I posted, and wish to be able to revise my words with greater convenience? You would gladly put in the effort to click on the blog archive links on the right, but is uneasy about having to sift through the rest of the tormenting rants unfit for human readership? Well, let these unnecessary aversion that exists in your mind be exorcized, for I shall create a compilation of all non-flowing-water-bill and non-rant posts for your ease of access. Here it is, in chronological order, the essence of truth as preached by the great himself:

CCTV cameras
Life is the fatal Addiction
Time 1
Time 2
Death
Egotheism
Relativity of motion
Theism VS Atheism
Hedonism
Laziness- The road to enlightenment
Egotheism and the Meaning of life
Chick or egg
Useless Fallacies
Nihilism->Solipsism->Egotheism
Sanctity of Death
Nothing!
Newcomb's Problem

This blog post shall be kept short for the sake of easy access in the future. Note that this list would only be periodically updated.

Failed Philosophers

2007-08-05T18:54:00.000+08:00

It’s one of those exciting scenes in a Chinese martial arts movie. The two of you have exchanged moves, but neither one seems to be at the upper hand, attacking blocking and parrying each other with unparalleled deftness. You decide to try to end the fight by using your ultimate skill. In a flurry of hands and feet, you send rapid attacks swift and hard right at the opponent’s important acupoints. It seems that with his martial arts skills it would be impossible for him to block or dodge all of your punches and kicks, and he would definitely be hit at least once- and suffer catastrophic internal injuries. Victory is at hand. All of a sudden, you opponent makes an unexpected move. He humjis and hides behind a wall. Your lethal attacks pound fall on the wall with little effect. At least, little effect on your opponent. A jutting brick cuts your knuckle and toes and you bleed to death.

In the so-called “cultured” society we have today, no one bothers to train martial arts anymore, but still I often observe things happening that are very similar to the above-mentioned scenario. Different in form, but almost identical in the absence of what happens. Let us consider the modern version of this story:

It’s one of those exciting scenes out of a highly exhilarating GP lesson. The two of you have exchanged arguments, but neither one seems to be winning the debate, rebutting each other with unparalleled wit. You decide to try to end the discussion by using your ultimate reasoning. In a tongue twisting display of your tongue and lips and teeth, you voice incredibly long chains of rhetorical and grandiloquent statements, each line punching hard through his ears and into his brains saying that you are correct. It seems that with his vocabulary and rate of speaking it would be impossible for him to rebut all of your points, and definitely would make a serious logical flaw in the process of attempting so, and suffer the fate of losing the argument. Victory, once again, is at hand. He looks shocked by the pure brute force of your arguments. Abruptly, his worried look changes to a calm countenance. Your argument seems to lose all effectiveness as he patiently waits for you to finish. You finish your argument, wondering what tricks he has up his sleeves. He speaks. “Ah, but that’s a fallacy.” You are utterly defeated.

Fallacies. Those irritating walls that pop out of nowhere and which you have absolutely neither defense nor offense against. It allows your opponents to effortlessly destroy your carefully planned argument, and here’s why: It is possible to categorize almost every single argument under the sky as a fallacy. What’s worse, fallacies carry weight; any idiot can just holler “fallacy!” and then the next thing you know you are pitted against the rules set down by the ancient philosophers, everything just seems to crumble like houses of cards.

But for those of you who were bitterly defeated by such nonsense, let me cheer you up, for fallacies are nothing but what failed philosophers invent as a cheapskate method of breaking down others’ arguments, when they cant make their own claims nearly as convincing or sophisticated as their adversaries. Its really just abused by the desperate and weak, neither daring nor able enough to bear the brunt of the full frontal attack and resorting to cowardly tactics like escaping and hiding behind a brick wall.

Just like the brick wall is blocks out any physical kicks and punches you can throw at it, the cookie cutter strategy of calling someone else’s argument a fallacy works almost a hundred percent of the time. (That small chance of it failing is when you are stupid enough to forget the name of the fallacy)

For those who are foolish enough to even hope disputing me about this, let me just overwhelm you with some examples. And don’t even begin to say the f-word (f-a-l-l-a-c-y), for I don’t buy this rubbish. (Else I wouldn’t be writing this, would I?)

You can’t question the provenance of another’s argument, because that would be ad hominem and poisoning the well. Ironically, when you use your own arguments without questioning its source, you are appealing to false authority. You can’t even blame people for hypocrisy, because then it would be ad hominem tu quoque. Statistics on public views don’t mean anything, because that’s merely appealing to belief or common practice. You can’t make your arguments sound good to people, or that will be appealing to emotions. Your arguments cannot include any outcome of your opponent’s views that make them uncomfortable, for that is appealing to fear AND appealing to consequences of beliefs. Your arguments cannot make the opponent comfortable either, for that’s appealing to flattery. All fundamental assumptions must be removed or it would be begging the questions. Either that or your fundamental assumptions cannot have anything to do with the issue in question. Science has totally no bearing, because all of it is based on statistical experimentation and all of that can be considered to be hasty generalization. (Like, how do you know that the 100000000000001st sample would be the same?) You can’t say anything about what may happen, or it would be slippery slope.

There are a lot of more, but the above are sufficient to show how everything can be considered as a fallacy. Censor out every single fallacy from the surface of the earth, and no man will be allowed to speak. We shall all communicate telepathically.

Fallacies might have started out as valid rebuttals, but now they are made so general that people abuse them every other day. Please, if you want to rebut my arguments, don’t be lazy and scream “fallacy” every time I speak. Think of decent rebuttals for yourself. And then you can appreciate how I will totally reduce your puny arguments to oblivion.

Chicken? Egg?

2007-07-27T23:07:00.000+08:00

Out of the thousands of mysteries that lie on this world, this one has kept thinkers and philosophers alike puzzled for centuries. The cleverest and wisest of men are stumped when faced with the impossibly difficult riddle of “what came first, the chicken or the egg?” while common folk are reduced wood stumps counting their fingers aimlessly in hope of an answer appearing out of nowhere. I hope that this is at least half as challenging to me as it is to mortal men, and hence shall find out through an attempt to tackle this enigma.

It is natural for us to resort to scientific methods, however hateful they are, when philosophical and logical arguments fail to do their job. From the scientific point of view, this question would hardly be difficult at all. Obviously, the egg must have come first, for long before there were chickens, there were eggs. There were big eggs, small eggs, microscopic eggs, and eggs of all colors, sizes and shapes. There were fish eggs, dinosaur eggs and insect eggs so long ago even the chicken’s great grandparents were not born yet. Surely you are not going to deny eggs of their chronologically superior existence, and spread the blasphemous lies that chickens came first?

Okay, so you want chicken eggs, and not other random kinds of eggs. In such a case, the answer would differ depending on how you define chicken eggs. Is it the egg of a chicken, or the egg out of which a chicken would hatch?

If your definition of the wonderful whitish-yellowish omelet ingredient is the first, then clearly chickens are the winner. The answer is only opposite if your definition is the second. Why?

Well, let us all for a moment pretend that Darwin is right, and place some faith in his theory of evolution, just like real scientists do. We soon realize the exact scenario under which the chicken came into existence. Long, long ago, there must have some kind of organism, very much like chickens, but just not quite chicken enough to be called chickens. Assuming that the method of reproduction utilized by members of the avian family (or more accurately, for those people who take the mugger subject known as bio, the avian class) did not change radically, we can safely assert that there were two individuals of this particular species, and one of each gender. These two almost chickens met, and fell in love with each other instantly. Love soon turned into lust, and they went about doing their business. It was on this fateful day, that somehow, through some mutation during meiosis, and the outcome of the sperm-ova rendezvous was an egg. Not just any egg though, but an egg containing an embryo, and more importantly, an embryo that has the DNA of a chicken. The female went about the painful process of laying the eggs and then incubating them, while the male wanders off elsewhere to enjoy further use of his genitalia. Unfair, all those feminists out there might think. Well, neither could be blamed for what happened for what they did were only their natural duties.

One fateful day, a soft but faintly audible sound was heard coming from within the egg. A thin crack developed on the shell, and this soon grew into a long fault line. Abruptly, a great yellow mass of feather, bones, beak and talon emerged from the neither-spherical-nor-ellipsoid object, and behold! For a chicken was born.
Now, if you are intelligent enough you should have already understood my argument, and if you are one who has an intelligence quotient less than your shoe size… Well let’s just put it in a nice way: This blog wasn’t meant for the reading pleasure for those who constantly face mental challenges when attempting to understand simple things. So maybe go to the children’s section in some national library and who knows? Perhaps there would be some interesting book that which is just right for your level. Or perhaps you might want to consider learning the alphabet first.

Of course, on the other end of the spectrum there might be some of you who realize that all that I have put forth were the scientific and logical arguments, and being a devout wentaoist you do very well know that scientific and logical conclusions are hardly ever conclusive. For a better scope on this let us consider some other angles through which we can consider this problem.

Firstly, let us take a small peek at the religious aspect of this problem. Now each religion has its own idea of how the world and the living things on it came about, but it would be fair to say that most of them place some faith in creationism. According to these religions, god created all the living things on earth. If god created eggs first, then there won’t be any chickens today because there weren’t any hens around then to incubate those first batch of eggs. Hence, chickens first.

Next, the Chinese calligraphic aspect: the Chinese characters representing eggs are 鸡蛋. Clearly, you can see that when writing the word, the 鸡 character has to be written first before the 蛋 word is written. Hence, chickens first.

Lastly, here is the truth, also known as looking at the problem from the perspective of Wentao. Since all that is important is myself and nothing else really matters, the important question would definitely not be whether it was the chicken or the egg that came first, but rather which one of them would come first, and enter my mouth, when both are nicely cooked and placed in my plate. Of course, since I prefer a nicely fried deep-fried chicken drumstick to anything else, the teeth mark would most definitely appear on the chicken long before the egg. Chicken first.

Diseased heart; Deceased heart.

2007-07-17T21:52:00.001+08:00

I need a reason, for it is such a miserable thing that my ill health and long ago shattered heart must torment me simultaneously. At the darkest hours of life, when I am already suffering from an agonizing migraine, why must the images of you, your unparalleled beauty and your blindingly bright future (of course having absolutely nothing to do with me) flash across my mind repeatedly, mocking at my hopeless failure? I am defenseless against the coordinated attacks of the illness and the memories.

My parents constantly attempts to chip away at my ego, hoping to reduce it in any way possible, but like plastic attempting to scratch diamond, the impossibly hard armour I have made for myself is left yet stronger. I define myself as success; hence I can fail at nothing. Yet though I have erected this seemingly impregnable fortress, there lies a crack in the walls, for you are the sole desires of my heart, and I simply cannot help but admit my failure at satisfying this desire. My invincible fortress crumbles like a house of cards. Why must my otherwise impeccable logic and flawless philosophy have you as the only weak spot?

Why? My ego, at once arrogant and proud, cowers away in fear. It desperately attempts to hide away from my interrogation. Am I such an ordinary being, for you to ignore and forget like last year’s homework you did not do? I don’t want to know the answer. Unfortunately, I know it better than anybody else. My heart, formerly shattered and then stuck together with scotch tape, begins to disintegrate back into smithereens yet again as I remind myself of the truth which I do not believe in but is forced to accept. I am not good enough, and probably will never be good enough, not after a thousand lifetimes of reincarnations.

I muster what little strength I have left to finish this post, praying to myself for salvation. Only this time, salvation would definitely not come to me in the form of panadol tablets. Not even the most bitter of Chinese herbal teas could cure my sprinting nose; much less distract me from the sufferings of my heart.

Perhaps there is no salvation. Perhaps it is time I gave up my hopeless attempts at putting my heart back together. Like a jigsaw puzzle with a missing piece, there is no hope of its completion. Bury it, so it does not impede the growth of my ego.

Perhaps salvation would come in the form of a shovel.

What is thy feeble request, human?

2007-07-14T21:47:00.000+08:00

Yes, I know I know, my loyal followers must all be dying from my long absence from this blog, wilted away like plants without the sun. Fear not, my evil minions, for though I might not be physically updating this blog all the time, my spiritual thinking and mental energies will eternally permeate the very fabric of all existence. Besides, this long silence would have been a perfect test of your faith and loyalty, for if your faith waxes and wanes to something as superficial as my physical existence, then the conclusion would be that you have not been enlightened with the sperm-and-marrow（精髓） of my teachings.

The thinking of mortal men dictates that time is a precious quantity, and wastage of it is most undesirable. Though I might not necessarily agree with such a statement, for the sake of laziness I shall pretend to agree, so let us make haste and move on to more important matters for discussion.

Philosophers have always been perplexed since ancient times about the meaning of life. The cleverest mortals would not bother with thinking about such a problem at all; the cleverer of the less clever mortals would learn to ignore the issue altogether after a few failed attempts at answering it; but those who are stubborn enough or sufficiently linguistically disabled to lack the word “impossible” in their dictionaries find the answer seemingly so close to them, yet always just an inch beyond their grasp, just like how a 1/x=y graph seems to get so close to the y axis, but can never ever touch it; still others resort to typing LIFE on their trusty graphical calculators, pressing the enter key, and getting 42, and then get so happy with the result they have to share it with the world. Honestly though the principle behind this “trying really hard but never getting it” phenomenon is really a physical one, and not a mathematical one.

The secret behind why nobody seems to know the meaning of life is quite simple. Humans are so often indoctrinated with the lies of humility and modesty, that they often shift all focus away from their personal selves and instead put last bit of their energies into what it is that they seek. Like donkeys, they blindly stretch out their hands, and move forwards perpetually seeking to the carrot attached to the end of a stick tied to their heads. Some with slightly longer hands, manage to finally touch the carrot, but when they are filled with excitement and decide to move on towards their next goal in life, their head moves, and the direction in which the carrot is oriented is changed once again, just like how their meanings of life can suddenly change to something else even after they found it.

The simplest way, to find the meaning of life, is therefore simply to lower your head, and look down at your own body, your own hands, yourself. Return the attention to where it rightfully belongs, and that means pay more attention to your ego. It makes sense, really, for the meaning of life, which you are so desperately trying to find out is after all your own life. Put the emphasis on self, not anything else, and you would soon lead the most contented life possible.

Of course, those mortals who really found out the meaning of life would already be so contented with their newly acquired enlightenment that they have no motivation at all to spread it to others, for they have achieved the ability to enjoy the ultimate pleasures of true knowledge, and require no other sources of “happiness”.

Never mind if you found the last few paragraphs totally incomprehensible, for it is no mean feat for “normal” people tainted with the falsehoods and lies of society to turn over a new leaf and understand the truth. It would be an arduous journey for your mind, so worry not if you can’t figure out whatever I was talking about, for worrying leads you further away from the ultimate route of enlightenment.

If you cannot remember the meaning of life, then just remember its nature. Apparently, life is a female member of the Canis lupus familiaris subspecies. It might sometimes snarl and growl at you, or even bite you; but if you just tried to mind your own business a little more and stay clear from it instead of trying to examine every detail on its body then it would leave you alone and let you have a much easier time.

The dude on the right

2007-06-05T21:23:00.000+08:00

The great bringer of chaos heaves its massive body along with powerful strides. It pays no heed to the random occurrences of chance about him; the largest and most impacting of which are but microscopic flashes of light, infinitesimal in both duration and spatial dimensions, entirely engulfed within a much greater, in fact infinite universe of darkness. Stellar evolutions are mere sparks to him, and nebulas small clouds of dust. The monstrous construct hurries on. Then again “hurry” would not be the best word to describe its motion. It perambulates past or speeds by depending on your perspective but without deliberate haste or sluggishness, at the exact rate of one second per second.

It swings its great torso from side to side, and takes gigantic strides the size of eons. Its mere existence alone spans thousands of millennia, and the length of one segment of its finger would be more than sufficient to cover the birth to downfall of the pitiful human race. Yet, even its body is nothing compared to the scale of the path it’s on. Its journey has neither beginning nor end, and the closest thing to a destination would be the limit to the state of the universe, converging into complete chaos as time passes into eternity. Fatigue, and other mortal concerns of energy must have long disappeared in the being, if such trivial matters ever bothered the being at all. It is more likely that such limitations are non-existent in the first place, having no meaning to an immortal exempt from physical laws.

The vast rock boulders making up its head, torso and limbs serve no function other than to give a physical form to the immense forces that really represent the being. The stones are suspended in time itself, with joints burning with the bright green fires of infinite entropy. Its feet, and fingers, imbued with nothing more than a small fraction of its pure chaotic powers, instantaneously vaporize and turn whatever they touch into a floating solution of the finest and most fundamental particles. It hence leaves a trail of chaos in its wake, bringing to all forms of matter alike their ultimate destiny.

The ball has been thrown

2007-05-31T19:56:00.000+08:00

It has been a week already since the last post, and the eventless week, has rather unsurprisingly provided me with no inspiration whatsoever on what to write. The motivation has somewhat diminished as well, as recently whenever I searched and scoured my heart and mind for something of substance to write all I can find is sadness. Contemplating on how to express the sadness in a creative and original way, however, always seems to lead to me being overwhelmed by the emotion and becoming totally devoid of hope, thus putting a premature end to my attempts to produce some content.

Ascetics would dearly like everyone to believe that when the physical body is occupied in a certain activity, then surely so must be the mind. Thus, being hardworking would definitely seem to advance the state of the mind. Yet, what the ascetics fail to realize is that while each bodily action must necessarily be accompanied by a command from the head, the level with which the mind operates differs. Working on something allows our mind to progress in a certain fashion, but at which direction does it develop, and at what velocity? Working might allow us to work out our earthly problems at a faster speed, yet the cost should not be ignored, for being engrossed in the improvement of the speed of the mind for certain tasks only mean the ability to transcend to a higher level is compromised. Mortals are limited in their bodily energies, and this includes the effort their brain can possibly exert. As a man would be unable to climb up stairs after he diverts his energies to running on the horizontal planes, hardworking people would have a hard time becoming enlightened.

On the contrary, it is when one is at a state of relaxation, when the physical body is doing nothing at all, that our minds can truly soar. The greatest of my realizations are mostly made on the bed, in a state of half slumber. Laziness often brings along it a greater level of enlightenment, which ascetics are quick to dismiss.

The battle raged is one sided for one major reason. With a greater level of enlightenment, hedonists often realize how futile it is to attempt to argue with those who are obsessed with experiencing pain and hardship, for they are merely another form of hedonists with skewed perceptions and senses. Thus hedonists often leave the ascetics to their own demise, allowing them to spew whatever lies they would desire to. Furthermore, enlightenment is as related to logic as good food is related to rotten pizzas. Logic might have been, and might still be equivalent to a sort of enlightenment to some people, but the association stops there, for logic can at most be a mere subset of enlightenment, and nothing more. Ascetics obsessed with using logic to prove everything are just like houseflies viewing a rotten pizza as their preferred form of good food, odious vermin believing that rotten pizza is the one and ultimate epitome of good food. Why, one man’s meat is another man’s poison, and let us remember how the wine we enjoy so much does nothing for maggots other than drowning and killing them.

Yes, I am saying all forms of pain or hard work are lowly form of enjoyment. Why, I don’t expect everyone, or anyone at all, to agree with me. Not as if whether or not anyone accepts my viewpoint affects me anyway, for it is sufficient as long as I have faith in my own beliefs.

It is really such a comforting thought to remind myself that no matter how lazy or hardworking I might be, it would be most likely inconsequential if the modern science holds. From the perspective of infinite time and infinite space, my personal actions have no consequence whatsoever on the end outcome. Humanity combined is a mere speck of dust in a desert, with no hope at all to leave any mark on the appearance of the sandy expanse. Of course, our ground assumption is that science holds, right? What if it does not hold?

If science, the most popular faith on this planet does not really give an accurate representation of truth, then perhaps it is good time humanity give up its hopeless attempt at acquiring knowledge it is not supposed to have. There might be no absolute knowledge at all. If that is so, does it not, all the more, give us every right to believe in whatever we want to, be it hedonism or the belief of the great teapot orbiting the earth? Why, since no belief is any different from another, then why not let us choose our faiths as we desire or as is fashionable. (Oh I forget, we are already choosing our faiths as is fashionable. All right its time we change our fashion a bit) It is like a pokemon world where all the pokemon have different looks, appearances, but the same stats and attacks. Why if that is so I’ll definitely just go with the one that looks nicest.

Hedonism, I choose you!

Let me forget

2007-05-24T22:10:00.000+08:00

I try to convince myself that I should stop thinking of you. I tell myself that your name would soon become a mere faded, discolored and incomprehensible string of gibberish syllables with absolutely no meaning to me I have always believed in the power of the brain over that of the heart. Yet, if that which rules over me is really the former, then why is it that I am not following its orders? That renegade part of me is really driving me to the extremes of my tolerance for nonsense.

Clear simple logic tells me simply that I have as much chance as that of a young chick randomly mutating to become entirely genetically matching with a tyrannosaurus rex and hatching out of an egg I find in my fridge. Yet the rebel cells simply refuse to listen, and instead of quietly disappearing into the shadows, the replicate, multiply, slowly taking over that part of me which has already recovered from the initial sadness. Like parasites my emotions live off my brain, my brilliance, and my genius, fouling, contaminating and polluting my intelligence.

Your image has driven all remnants of ambition away from my dreams. Why, must even my hands, the pride of my intelligent self, with it’s ability to write, type and spin pens, be under the tyranny of such nonsense? Perhaps life was never meant to be fair, but such a level of inequity is simply unacceptable. Why, even when I am unconscious during the boredom of lectures and tutorials, must my fingers drag my pen randomly across the paper, somehow forming symbols suspiciously like the letters that make up your name? Why, when my thumb press buttons on my graphing calculator and use the pen draw function on my graphing calculator, must the pixels mysteriously make up the strokes of your Chinese name? Why? Is even 7 months of not talking to you insufficient time for my heart to throw that blasted name of yours out into some dark corner? I can almost hear the mocking laugh of the devil as my heart retorts: “The dark corner that name is thrown to shall be where I beat, and that name shall ever be what I beat for.”

Damn it! I can’t do anything properly at all. I can’t eat without thinking of the spice your name is associated with; can’t sleep without the terrorized by the realization of the distance between you and me in my nightmares; I can’t seem to think about anything at all, for all thoughts seem to inevitably some way or another lead to thinking about you. If all roads lead to Rome, then you must be the Rome in my heart, or in my brain, or most probably in both. Because of you, I belittle all others of your gender. They have no looks at all compared to your disgusting loveliness, and no brains contrasted with your stupid intelligence.

As I type, more emotions are still steadily trickling into me at a steady rate, while everything else is being quickly drained away. Obsession invades my brain like an army marching into an undefended city. The transformation is almost complete, soon what was once me shall be no more, and from the ashes shall arise a madman too lunatic for all the asylums in the world combined.

The madman speaks thus:

A bright future you have ahead of you, so go on ahead and pursue it. But I shall be eternally waiting, perpetually waiting if need be. The place in the ventricle has been reserved; a hole punctured the plug for the hole irreplaceable. Nevertheless, patience shall be abundant, there is all the time in the infinite of the universe, and even should bones grow cold in graves I shall still be waiting.

Embrace Hedonism

2007-05-16T20:57:00.001+08:00

When the GP lesson ran into the concept of hedonism, I was presented with the daunting task of explaining this to my friends who were unfamiliar with the word. I was hoping to be able to think of a quick, witty explanation that would show clearly the deep meaning of this believe, without conforming with the more commonly accepted definitions which have negative connotations. Alas, I failed, but the failure has put in me double the determination to do a deep exploration into what hedonism really is. Hopefully with the removal of the length constraint I will be able to redeem myself.

Many of members of the society are often fond of shunning us hedonists, labeling us as self-centered, selfish black sheep who only care to indulge in our own pleasures. Numerous “saints” in the history of mankind has frowned upon us, spreading the vicious lies that our thinking only can lead to the destruction of the human race. However, even if I were to ignore the truth established in my past posts on the righteousness of being as self centered as we can possibly want to be, it is still easy, nevertheless, to expose the lies of these so called Ascetics. These, who claim to be strengthening the moral fiber of the society through what their scarring comments, are actually nothing more than poor hypocrites unable to practice what they preach.

In the first place, true hedonism is the only thing that separates living things from non-living things. The most distinguishing characteristic of humans allowing them to dominate the planet is simply an ability to function according to the spirit of hedonism at a higher level than the other minor species. At the beginning of life, the first instant where a complex molecule somehow managed to replicate itself, it was rewarded with the sweetness of the continuity of its own kind. When greater amounts of the same reward were dished out during the acquiring of a tendency to replicate itself, the instinct of reproduction became the first case of hedonism. Billions of years have passed since we evolved from that tiny molecule, but the fundamental motivation for society, achievement and success still stems from that antique but fundamental desire. The failure of adopting anything but a hedonistic approach to this desire can only result in extinction.

Regardless of however you act, whatever you do, it is hedonism you are following as long as you ever make a decision. Some may argue that physical pleasures are separate from spiritual pleasures, but after all both are experienced by the brain and rewarded in similar ways and hence the differentiation is unjustified. Once this minor point is agreed upon, it is easy to see how impossible it is to defy our hedonistic nature. It is simply the way we work, the reason why we choose to take one course of action over another is because the preferred choice gives us more pleasure, or gives us the pleasure of expecting larger amounts of future pleasure. When a sadist or an ascetic (not much difference between the two actually, come to think of it) chooses apparent physical pain over pleasure, it is definitely not because they are defying nature. It is simply because they distinguish pleasure in different ways from normal people. To them, pain is more pleasurable than apparent physical pleasure. Hence the hypocrisy in their advocating pain. It is just like a simple lever. When we push on one side, motion in the opposite direction is observed on the other end of the lever. If we push on one side and the other side moves in the same direction, it is not because the laws of physics has failed, it simply means the fulcrum of the lever is at a different position.

The real definition of hedonism is being able to identify one opportunity cost of one option as being greater than that of the other, and hence adopting the latter course of action. The removal of pleasure can only mean the dysfunction of our abilities to decide and respond to stimuli. In other words, no one is really free from the hedonistic workings of our brains unless we are brain dead.

The next question is therefore how we should strive to distinguish pleasure and pain, and where to place this “fulcrum” in our “levers”. Looking at the conflict from this angle, it is easy to see the immense irony in the ascetics’ wanting to “return to nature”. The fact is that Mother Nature never ever wanted us to spend painful lives full of suffering, minimizing our material and physical pleasures as much as possible. The various animals in nature are proves to this statement, as we can see how they operate based on the simplest definition of pleasure possible: “eating, sleeping, and reproducing”, obeying strict hedonism. In actuality it is the ascetics who are the ones abnormal, with their mutated definitions of pleasure, attempting to act as differently as possible from what is natural behavior. By discarding materialism and adopting their skewed viewpoints, they are placing themselves in a very awkward place. As close they are physically to nature, they are attempting to break nature’s laws (of course they inevitably fail and only manage to skew it in a horrifying way), and refuting the basic principles of living nature has laid out for living things.

It might be idealistic, but should we not discard our fears of materialism and try to return to nature, and embrace the essence of what makes our world go round? Why, when nature has already told us what is pleasurable and what is not, must we try to bury our heads in the sand, or place a blindfold us, keeping us from the apparent truth, and choose to interpret the law of nature in anyway other than the simplest and most elegant?

Theism VS Atheism

2007-05-11T21:56:00.000+08:00

The battle between science and religion has been raging on an epic scale for centuries, and having been an agnostic caught in the crossfire between the atheist and theist camps I believe I have heard enough from both sides to make a small generalization about the rough situation of the debate.

I could not help but realize how the arguments put forth by the atheist camp were generally of a higher quality. Proofs for the inexistence of a being of greater power are commonly well-founded and well thought out logical thinking that inevitably point to the atheists’ favored conclusions. In comparison there are few self-standing arguments from the theists for their case; most of what they say are simply counter arguments attempting to take advantage of loopholes or gaps left by the atheist arguments. The general quality of their statements is a far cry from what their adversaries come up with. Let us examine a short example.

http://www.godandscience.org/apologetics/nogod.php#occam

For those who are too lazy to read the section, the main argument here put forth by the atheist is that the existence of a god creates unnecessary complications to what can be a simpler explanation. The theist response is that the physical laws of the universe must be “crafted” with amazing “precision”, since the atheists’ explanation that the universe came about by chance would require the existence of a zillion other universes unlike ours. Apparently there is no doubt that there are a whole lot other ways that the universe can exist, but does this necessarily mean that all of the possible permutations must exist in reality? The writer of this particular theist argument apparently has little idea of what probability is. He says that if the universe were in any way different from ours, life would not exist. The more correct version, though, would be that if the universe were in anyway different from ours, life familiar to us would not exist. The point here is that even if the fundamental physical laws of a universe is different, it can still have its own stellar structures, and very possibly still evolve life of a different form. Hence the case here is not really pulling out a red coin out of a mountain of blue coins, but pulling out a coin out of a mountain of coins. The difference, which the writer has chosen to leave out cleverly, is humongous. The first case implies either unimaginable luck or unimaginable permutations of existence, while the second does not.

The next argument following that is of even lower standard. The theist here was either careless or stupid enough to not realize how he actually made huge efforts to lift a rock only to drop it on his own foot. He starts with the assumption that god is eternal and has no cause, and then goes on to attack how it is improbable it is for the universe to exist without a cause (from the previous argument we already know it is not really improbable at all). What then happens if we put his beginning assumption to scrutiny under his own argument? For god to exist eternally and without a cause is definitely possible, but 1 in 10^10000 is not exactly what I would call good betting odds either! Furthermore, there are many ways in which god can create the universe, and hence by this argument’s own logic the possibility of the theist theory being correct would be somewhere along the lines of 1 in 10^20000. Here we have it, bad betting odds and worse betting odds.

It is clear enough how the theist camp is definitely losing out in this war of logic. Unfortunately for them, there is insufficient proof and convincing evidence supporting their case, and hence the theist camp does not have arguments of its own. The only thing the theists can do is to hopefully be able to pick apart each and every one of the atheist’s attacks, and defend their stand from the atheists’ endless barrage of logical arguments. To make matters worse, each of the atheists’ arguments are independent, and hence the failure of any number of their arguments does not mean their stand is defeated, but the theists simply have to be unable to rebut one of the many arguments, and the debate is over.

However, does this necessarily mean that religions are necessarily an incorrect explanation of the universe? Let us look closer at the nature of this ongoing argument between the atheists and the theists. Clearly, what we are trying to do here is to proof non-existence of a greater power through logical means. Yet if the greater power here is really of greater power, and is almighty enough to create the universe, and then surely it must be exempted from the logical laws which our reason follow. In fact, this “argument” is the only powerful weapon the theists possess in their arsenal in a logical struggle. By placing god at a level higher than what human comprehension can ever hope to reach, they have exempted themselves from answering any attacks from the atheists. This makes sense. How can it be fair to place a being such as "god" under the mortal constraints of cause and effect?

Of course the downside to using this “weapon” would be that by ignoring all existing atheist arguments and saying all of them does not apply to god, the theists are effectively admitting to the conclusion that the existence of god is irrational and illogical, since the only reason and logic which we have access to is the human one. The theists do have a justification for doing this, however. In the first place religions, believes and faiths are known as such with a reason. As the follower of a religion you do not need to be convinced that the religion is definitely logically sound and plausible. You just need to believe in it, and hence explanations of the logical kind are alien to most religions, preferring to simply accepting what is being taught. By forcing the argument to be on logical grounds we are effectively deciding before hand that the theists must be fought over basic assumptions they do not usually make. This argument was biased from the start, with the theists destined to lose because they have to prescribe to the atheists’ set of rules.

The conclusions here would therefore be that if we were to be strict followers of the rules of logical reasoning, religions are definitely illogical, irrational, inexplicable and unsubstantiated. We must recognize however, the fact that religions don’t actually need to be substantiated in the first place, since firstly believes are spiritual and therefore substance does not apply, and secondly logical reasoning is simply another system of thinking compared to religious believes, and no one can really conclude convincingly which is the correct system of thinking. In fact logic and science both have their own set of loopholes and inconsistencies even in the logical sense, which makes them even less convincing than religions, since religions are absolutely flawless if we have faith in religions, while the believe in logic can conflict with itself in certain circumstances. (If I am bored enough maybe I’ll blog about that in the future) Hence as much as the atheists would like to call religious believes to be blind faiths, their own system of thinking is actually not much better.

Forgetting...

2007-05-08T22:25:00.000+08:00

I convince myself I have forgotten already, but it seems my heart wishes to linger a little longer. It still feels that small bit of hope filling up its chambers and ventricles whenever I log on to msn, and my eyes are still tugged, gently but irresistibly, to that spot, hoping to a blue man instead of the red one. My minds understand the situation better; reality is reality, and for five months that special few pixels on my screen has not increased their wavelengths yet. Sigh, I guess this is the Doppler effect of MSN. I guess the good old days when that fat man is blue, it at least meant you were moving closer, but now all I can see if the red-shifted man, tell tales signs that you are still drifting further away.

How cruel that little light blue rectangular box is! Whenever it pops up on the bottom right hand corner of my screen, like a robot my eyes uncontrollably move down and stare intently, only to be disappointed each time without fail. I have been disappointed so many times that the familiar “ding” sound has become synonymous with inevitable disappointment. Yet my eyes mechanically, involuntarily focus on that spot to bring in new waves of sadness repeating the same action over and over again without fail.

How magical the song is! It does not sound particularly melodious, nor is it a well known classical or a popular hit. Yet like a madman in an asylum I listen to the same tune over and over, never getting bored of the lyrics, for I first heard the song at a time when I could see you, and the music magically transports me to the good old days, bringing back memories of you, memories that just refuse to get lost and fade away into nothingness.

How amazing the technology called “Message History” is! Like a retard with reading disabilities, I read msn chat logs with unparalleled interest, chewing each sentence slowly, tasting the flavor of the words you used. Scrutinizing each emoticon and each smiley you send at me, counting the number of consecutive dots you used to find out how long your finger pressed down on the full-stop button, and examining the times we sent our messages to calculate how much time you actually spent reading my words.

How disgusting I must appear to be! Like a perverted stalker, I check my mail twenty over times a day, logging on to friendster a good sixteen times, both for no apparent reason. (though I have a weird feeling the reason must be you) I read a thousand random blogs online with the faintest hope I can find yours, yet I fear really finding it.

Being a doctor has been your ambition all along. Would you not let me be your first patient, and help me cure my sanity? Give me a chance so that I can ask you, so that you can reject me in the harshest tone you can possibly muster, so that I can feel a little bit sad for a little while, and then recover and continue with the rest of my life, and liberate my soul from its prison in the past.

The truth about yourself part II: move the universe

2007-05-05T11:31:00.000+08:00

In our last philosophical venture, I have come to the conclusion that self is the center of the universe, the reason that everything happens, and the most important thing in the universe. If you don’t already have an ego the size of a planet please stop reading here, and proceed to read my last post if you haven’t. If you have already read it and is still not convinced that what I posted is the ultimate truth, then read it again, and again, for as many times as is necessary. If you are still not convinced then perhaps it’s time to give up. You must admit you are simply not the material for true enlightenment, but to reward you for your hard work I shall allow you to read on anyway.

Naturally after we learn addition we learn the applications of addition, after we learn subtraction we learn the applications of subtraction, after we learn differentiation we must definitely, sooner or later learn the applications of differentiation and similarly for integration and most of the more significant thinking methods. Therefore now that we are all satisfactorily convinced and enlightened of the truth, it is time for us to apply it, and find out what it really means to be the most important being in the universe.

Since I am the sole verifiable understanding of the universe, the universe must necessarily extend from my consciousness and away. Since I am, by definition, at the very center of the universe, it must be the case that when I walk, run, jog or “move” in any form or method, it is in fact the case that I am moving the entire universe around me instead of the common misconception that I am moving in the universe. In other words, I am by some magical reason the only inertial frame in the universe (of what exact nature it is difficult to know, perhaps I have infinite “true mass”, or perhaps it is due to some mystical force current science is not yet aware of), and when I try to “move”, I am actually causing an acceleration of the universe. It is a very Pokemon thing, no matter which place you “move” to, you are always at the center of the screen. Similarly the observable truth is that I am not moving, but the universe is, since I can see the roads moving underneath me, but not me moving away from myself.

But what force is it that allows me to move the universe around? Apparently it should not be my muscles, since I don’t think I have the strength to strangle a chicken if you give me one. Hence this force must be of a mental or psychic nature (and it is logical for it to be so since I believe my mind is much stronger than my limbs), and this force affects every individual particle (except my own, and those which are in direct contact with myself like my clothes and shoes) in the universe equally, and does not diminish at any distance. It is obvious that this force, as infinite as it might seem, must be “less infinite” than the mass of the universe, since obviously I can’t move around the universe at will, at my own desired speed. Also, not all of this force can be tapped onto voluntarily, since apparently when on a car, bus, MRT or plane I am able to move the universe faster than I am usually able to on foot.

Once we make these postulates, some of the originally inexplicable things become immediately clear, almost intuitive in fact. The reason why I have failed, time and again, to pass my 2.4km runs are simply because the part of this mental force accessible to me is insufficient to do the immense amount of work associated with moving the universe around so much. Let us do some simple physical calculations to find out the exact magnitude of the amazing feat I am performing each time I run around the RJ/RI/Bukit Gombak Stadium track.

Now, first we establish the assumption that when I run, the universe moves under me at a speed of 400m/120s, which is around 3 m s^-1. My walking speed would be 400m/400s, which is around 1 m s^-1. The speed of the universe when I am stationary would of course be 0 m s^-1. The mass of the observable universe is estimated to be 3 x 10^52 kg, and since we can’t really verify what we can not see, let us for now assume it is the mass of the universe I am moving. Merely by starting to run, I would have accelerated the universe from 0 m s^-1to 3 m s^-1, and this means my psychic powers would have done the work equal to

½m (V_final)²- ½m (V_initial)²= ½ (3 x 10⁵² kg)(3 m s^-1)² – 0
=1.35 x 10⁵³ J

Note that this amount of work does not factor in the work done on the resistive forces that slow the universe down! Apparently this mysterious resistive force is too large to be ignored, since when I stop trying to run, I decelerate immediately to my walking speed of around 1 m s^-1, in a short time of 2 seconds. This means that by rough estimations, the resistive force that the universe experiences when I move it at 3 m s^-1 is

F = ma
F = (3 x 10⁵² kg) (1m s^-2)
F = 3 x 10⁵² N

This also means that I have to exert a mental force of 3 x 10^52 N to keep the universe moving at 3 m s^-1 (!) The work I must do if I constantly move the universe at 3 m s^-1 for the entire distance would therefore be

W.D = Force x Distance
W.D = 3 x 10⁵² N x 1500 m (I walk quite a lot)
W.D = 4.5 x 10⁵⁵ J

Since I usually slow down for around 5 times each time I do my 2.4, the total work done is roughly

T.W.D = 5 x 1.35 x 10⁵³ + 4.5 x 10⁵⁵ J
T.W.D = 4.57 x 10⁵⁵ J

And all the mortals moving around the track are laughing at me, who am moving the track around! (And of course, the whole universe together with it) (To my mom, I am not defining myself as stationary so that I can be lazy. Look at the sheer amount of work I am doing each time I lift my legs!)

Unfortunately, my calculations are also flawed.

Firstly it is of general consensus, as well as of my own believe, that the universe extends far beyond what we can see with our eyes and telescopes. Hence the amount of work I do could be much more than the above calculated value.

Secondly, the resistive force that slows the universe down apparently scales with the velocity the universe is moving with respect to me. For simplicity’s sake I assumed it as a constant value. (Of course I hope it is a constant value, since it means I can just slack off, do nothing and the universe would move forwards with respect to me, and I’ll finish 2.4 in record time, and in a stylish backwards running manner, too. But no, things just have to be difficult for me :S)

Of course the above was calculated on the grounds that I was setting the universe in a translation motion, moving backwards with respect to my front. But obviously the track is of a roughly oval shape, and hence in fact I am making the universe turn with an angular velocity of 2π/120seconds = 0.0524 s^-1 we can find the work I am doing by defining the universe to be a large cube of density 3 x 10^-27 kg/m^3, find the moment of inertia and find the increase in angular kinetic energy, but since I am too tired now I shall not do that.

Finally as a side note, this theory also explains the intense dizziness I get after doing sit ups, spinning myself around like a madman or alternatively going on the merry go round. This dizziness is actually extreme mental exhaustion from setting the universe in angular motion, and then stopping it again.

The truth about yourself

2007-05-01T15:26:00.000+08:00

Time and again, I see mortals plagued with what they call “failure”, and I believe as an enlightened one it is essential and necessary that I at least try to spread my understanding and illuminate the lives of others as well. Read the words following; take them in your heart, follow my advices, and you shall be rewarded with the sweetness of success, the liberation from human mediocrity and be transcended into unfathomable greatness.

The first step to the true knowledge comes from the understanding that all knowledge comes from yourself and yourself only. Whether you are a proponent of empiricism or a firm supporter of rationalism, or somewhere in-between, the undeniable fact (or the closest we can ever get to an undeniable fact) remains that the only verifiable source of knowledge is our very selves, be it our senses or our reasoning.

Next, it is important to realize that the existence of the universe as we understand it hinges upon the very existence of our thoughts. Our thoughts are the only verifiable sources from which we can derive understanding of the universe. Someone else might claim to have knowledge of the universe, but until I believe in that knowledge it remains an unverifiable thought which might not even exist, a mere observation on my part that some creature claiming to be a human, claiming to have sentience and consciousness, claiming a certain kind of understanding of the universe which might entirely be fictitious all I know. In other words, whatever knowledge from others can be said to come from me myself in the form of sensory perceptions, since it is impossible to know whether anything beyond my own consciousness even exists in the first place. Obviously this argument can be replicated for each person in the world who has a consciousness, since he won’t be able to know whether other people exist. You won’t be able to tell whether this post you are reading right now is really written by a person called Wentao, or written by a illusion which looks like a human, calls himself Wentao and likes to post weird things on something called a blog. Life can be compared to a well-designed computer game, in which you won’t be able to tell whether you are meeting other players, playing with NPCs, or not even playing the game, but in fact watching a replay and having the illusion drilled into you that you have free will and are making the decisions when actually everything has been predestined. In summary, the conclusion is obvious; that the only understanding which you can ever proof to exist is your own one. Everything you experience is but parts that might or might not contribute to your understanding. Since my own understanding is the sole verifiable understanding of the universe, then it follows that it is the most important one as well, since if I were to cease to exist all of a sudden, then the universe as I understand it would most definitely be destroyed as well. Similarly for the person reading the post who might have a consciousness, the only understanding of the universe that you know exists is your own, and if it should disappear, the universe can be said to vanish as well.

What follows this is the fact that I am indeed the center of the universe, and if everything happens for a reason, the reason must be me, since I am the only reason that can exist. With nothing else from which I can verify the existence of the universe, I am the one and only, and I am everything.

And how does this link to “success” or “failure”? It is important to realize that success is a defined quality, not an objective truth. I have already proven above that my own existence is the only one I can ever verify, and therefore the most important, so whose definition can ever be more important than my very own? Hence, whether or not I am successful or not would depend entirely on how I define success. I can decide to think that I am successful, or decide to think that I am an utter failure. Because I am the reason for everything, everything depends on me. Hence since I have defined success to be my very self, then each and every other person who differs from me in anyway would never ever be more successful than I am. (Yes, this is almost the same thing that I said on 2klever blog to cheer shida up, another case of multiple reasoning reaching the same eventual conclusion, and more evidence that the conclusion is correct) If you are reading this and do have a consciousness, then this applies to you as well as it does to me. The next important thing is to believe in your own success. So each of those reading this blog right now who has lost yourselves to vicious attempts to destroy your ego, repeat this after me:

I am the one.
I am the only.
I am everything.
I am the center of the universe.
I define success as myself.
There is no failure possible for me.

Of course, this argument leads to the justification of extreme “selfishness” and “self-absorption” which “society” likes to shun so quickly. Yet look through my arguments and you will realize that the logic is impeccably flawless. This is the closest you can get to the truth, and if the truth justifies me being self-absorbed, then so shall it be.

I don’t really care if you worship what I just wrote, or spit on your computer screen when you read this with disgust, since all that really matters is that I myself know the truth. (Of course it’s also because if you spit on your computer screen you are the one who is going to have to clean it up later anyway, not me)

Butterfly <3 Flower

2007-04-23T22:54:00.000+08:00

蝶恋花·花褪残红青杏小 ·苏东坡

花褪残红青杏小。燕子飞时，绿水人家绕。枝上柳绵吹又少，天涯何处无芳草！
墙里秋千墙外道。墙外行人，墙里佳人笑。笑渐不闻声渐悄，多情却被无情恼。

For those who don’t actually understand the language, or have decided to stop trying to understand it after O-levels, here’s my lousy translation of Mr. Sotong Slope’s masterpiece.

Butterfly loves flower
-By Sotong Slope

Flower wilts, little red remains and the green apricot is small.
When the swallow flies, green waters surround somebody’s house.
Leaves on the willow get less after being blown
Where under the heavens is there no aromatic grass!

Within the wall a swing and outside the wall is a path.
Outside the wall is a passerby, within the wall a chiobu laughs.
Laughs gradually get inaudible and sound gradually get silent
Too much emotion is irritated by no emotion.

I know it sounds damn lame that such a nice Sung lyrics gets corrupted by my lousy translation, but the meaning is there, you can imagine the scene being described in a much more romantic setting then what seems to be suggested.

My father introduced this verse to my little brother a few years back (yeah he memorized more Tang poems, more Sung lyrics, more random Chinese stuff and a larger portion of the Sanzijing than I did, wow child prodigy), and I was awe struck by the sheer beauty of the transcendental state that the verse attained. I share so many emotions (or at least I THINK I share many emotions) with Mr Sotong Slope as he wrote the verse.

The writer of the verse seems to put forth a sound argument, that since there is aromatic grass all over the world, we should not be mourn over being unable to get the flower. Yet, apparently the butterfly doesn’t want grass of any kind, the nectar lies in the flower. I think the writer apparently did not mean for his verse to be some advice to help people get over their failed relationships, I believe he himself was troubled by the such a problem, of not being able to forget his lost love. He is trying to say, even though there is grass all over the place, the butterfly wants the flower, which wilted away unfortunately, and therefore you cant blame it for feeling sad.

In the second stanza, the passerby had a brief moment of contact with the chiobu, from which he obviously derived great pleasures. Yet even though he lingers on to listen to the chiobu laughing, the chiobu is apparently oblivious and daos the passerby, and the poor guy gets hurt because he had too much emotions.

I think I can see myself in the place of the passerby. Apparently for you it was a brief period of your life, where you probably enjoyed yourself, but that time has no special meaning to you. For me however, meeting you was probably one of the most important things that happened in my life, and you ignoring me hurt me as I was too filled with emotions. Of course, you probably saw me as only an outsider, nothing but one of the thousands of random people you see on the roads everyday, and the road on which we met only a short, insignificant and infinitesimal segment compared to the long journey of your life, a mere stepping stone towards your eventual destination. And I, unable to move from where we met, hoping you would return, or at least give a fleeting glance back.

As for the title, I guess I fit less into the poem than I thought. At least Mr. Sotong Slope was brave enough to compare himself to a butterfly. I am far from being a nice butterfly. I am probably a dirty, disgusting, disdainful cockroach, or at most a big ugly gray moth, odious vermin with no purpose for existence except of being laughed at and scoffed at. I guess I was too deluded by your laughter, to the extent I assumed they meant you were impressed. Now I know better, for a clown is only important for his painted smile.

Bday prayer

2007-04-21T20:08:00.000+08:00

A birthday isnt a day to be celebrated. It is one to be commemorated. It is a day where an unlucky group of molecules became contaminated, destroyed, burnt and charred by the conflagration of life. The day on which the innocent virginity of inanimate protons, electrons and neutrons were stolen, the breath of life forced upon the silent dead. Oh let me light the candles, and do let us keep one minute of silence, but do so for neither the celebration, nor for wish making. Do so for me to pray for those unfortunate molecules expelled from eternal nirvana, exiled into the world of life, a world of suffering and deceit. I seek for guidance from the laws of the infinite nothingness.

The clock ticks its way towards midnight. The grim and painful realization sets in gradually, the realization that you have forgotten, even though i remembered. I understand. You have no place for me in your life, and have moved on from that brief intersection in space time between our lives, while i still linger around in the past, waiting hopefully for the slightest chance that you might return. I know deep down inside you probably won't. This is simply my fate, and i can blame no one for it. My mind tries to calm itself, but the pain is quite unbearable. I can feel a cracks and fissures spreading into a roadmap on my grieving heart. Like a piece of glass placed under a slowly increasing pressure. Whatever is inside my ribcage must have been soaked in concentrated acid, the deadly chemical slowly dissolving the contents in my torso.

A wise friend says "put behind the past." Easier said then done, for the past is where my soul lives, and i must put behind my soul as well should this be achieved. All that remains in the present is an empty shell. Sometimes, the detached soul momentarily returns when i read our msn logs. (The demon has turned me into such a stalker, i am not surprise should you be greatly disgusted if you ever get to know this. Then again, you might probably never even bother to read my blog in the first place)The pain returns with the end of the log, doubled, tripled, forcing my soul back into the sweet memories of the years gone by, while the rest of me struggles to continue. It's already 10pm, and i feel so much like a helpless, hopeless guy stuck in the middle of the desert with no water. It's perfectly normal that you forget about some random guy you haven't seen for a long time, and will probably never see again. It's just that i was hoping desperately for the smallest possibility that a miracle might happen. Seems miracles don't happen very often, or else they won't be miracles. I think there surely won't be one tonight.

I can see a bright future ahead of you. I feel happy for you, and wish you have a great time chasing your dreams. As for me, it is time again for my soul to go back to the beautiful paradise known as the past, for i see my own fate will lead me into an impossibly dark abyss, a place where my body will go but my mind will not.

#9999CC

2007-04-17T21:56:00.000+08:00

Pressure-force exerted on a surface over its area- too much of it can kill by crushing you into a pulp; too little of it can kill too, making your blood literally boil. A “just nice” amount of it, however, puts you in a nice comfortable, relaxed state, a situation not unlike having one or more exotic, hot, sexy, skilled, and most importantly female Asian massager(s) in some SPA give that heavenly touch to your back.

Somewhat similar to my life, or rather what’s happening to it. There’s definitely no lack of pressure put on me right now, since the two people who I’m supposed to call “parents” have no qualms about complaining about my studying results. I guess I cant blame them for being mere mortals, unable to shake off the stupidest human desires for achievement, the foolish needs of the flesh for existence to have meaning and some vague thing they like to define as “success”. Then again, what reason is there to blame them anyway? For starters, I don’t seem to be breaking up from this pressure very much. In fact, I seem to like it. This slow and supposedly painful addition of mental pressure, it is supposed to torment my soul, but instead it is more like a massage, nudging my mind lovingly.

This is the reason why my life sucks. While the pressure outside of it is still building up, whatever is inside has long vacated me to leave behind an empty shell. Yeah, emptiness within, that seems to be whatever I feel when I remember my past. My childhood, especially in p5 and p6, seems so wonderful they seem fake, I’m beginning to wonder if they are anything but sweet memories injected into my brain to let me have something nice to think about once in a while.

Blue. Yep, that is colour word which best describes the stuff in my brain right now. It’s like a slightly dark day, a day on which you know it will rain soon, with the ominous clouds looming in the sky. Yet the tiniest drop of water seems to be taking forever to drop from the uniform patch of gray in the sky. It’s quite a simple feeling, but it’s so complicated to describe with words. It’s a little funny, a little nice, and at the same time a little sad. Hmm, it should be a really grayish blue. Like 9999CC on html colour charts.

If anyone might want to wonder why I don’t blog that much about real life stuff anymore, it is because I am currently feeling detached from the material world. I guess I might come back down to earth one day after I’ve had enough of spiritual stuff.

Death: The Natural State

2007-04-13T23:30:00.000+08:00

I guess some inter-planar rift is opening up in my life... porting parts of it to a distant dimension, creating an empty void, a vacuum amidst the chaos of the universe. Everything seems to be falling apart... I have lost my magic cards, lost rev (yeah, my parents know its a game... wtf), and I can see larger and larger parts of my future being engulfed by darkness each day, illness and pains plague me, giving no moment of peace, and my mind is slowly being picked apart by foolish, senseless, irrational and illogical emotions. They say infatuations aren't supposed to last long, but five winters have came and went and the tides of time has yet to wash away those memories. The sweet, wonderful memories, not a bit faded, remain in my brain with such intensity it hurts.

The edge between reality and fantasy fades. While small parts of me still linger on in the material realm, the greater fraction of my consciousness has already transcended into a higher reality. My mind at times live in memories I cannot bear to leave behind, memories of the wonderfully sad past. At other times it floats between the alternate worlds I create for myself, each of which a blend of what I am and what I want to wish for, the stories I want to be a part of. Ah, what is reality in the first place? Perhaps it is nothing more than yet another imagination of mine, one that is slightly more lasting, slightly more deceiving, but as false as any other.

Yet even those thoughts are fading away… being replaced by instantaneous joy, instantaneous gloom, instantaneous anger, and then instantaneous hope followed by hopelessness. Is this insanity? Is this but a phase for one transforming from a mortal to something greater? Is this my still limited mind learning to cope with the infinite knowledge of true enlightenment? Or is this true enlightenment itself?

An endless ocean of chaos and irregularity… Random emotions taking over the falsehood which humans delude themselves to be rational thinking, to be logic, when there is no meaning to logic without purpose, and no meaning to purpose except the eternal death that shall liberate the damned and tormented soul. That, my dear friends is the only truth of the universe. All order, separation, differences would fade away eventually, giving away to the immense power of meaningless chaos, and the universe must eventually end up as a cloud of uniformly unpredictable particles.

Death is the natural state of the universe. Life is but a rare anomaly, a random freak occurrence, an attempt to cheat nature doomed to fail. Life is small, weak, and there is no pride to being part of a tiny cult of animated Frankenstein, who unfortunately still cannot prevent their return to the earth despite all attempts. On the other hand, imagine the simple euphoric emptiness of being a part of the greater truth, the greater majority of existence. The parts of the plane uncontaminated, untainted with the blasphemous poison, the lie of living. Embrace the meaninglessness, the chaos, and the emotionless simplicity… Do you hear a voice calling from within and without? Your time as a dirty life form has been long enough a detour; it is now that you shall to return to your grim destiny. Enjoy your peace… Sleep tight.

Time (2)

2007-04-02T19:22:00.000+08:00

“Time?” You ask, taken aback. “Have we not understood everything about time? Have you not imparted the divine enlightenment to us already? What more is there about time that we have not yet considered?”

Do not, my followers, be limited by the universal handicap that plague all mortals. As ones seeking the true understanding, I expect that all of you not to fall into the common traps that has defeated so many human minds. Yet I see that the most of you are not yet ready to transcend into the state of true wisdom.

My disciples, what I have explained on the last post, was how it was plausible for time not to exist. It is obvious enough that due to the lack of proof that “time” in the form of the human understanding does exist, it is perfectly possible for it to be something entirely different, or something completely inexistent. Yet, is something plausible necessarily correct?

On the other hand, does the mere fact that there is no evidence mean that it is not plausible for time to exist?

When I say visualizing time as a fourth dimension, most mortals with their lesser intellect would be unable to do as I say. Yet, if we were to ignore the width and depth of objects, leaving only length, and look at time as a second dimension, the exercise becomes incredibly simple, in fact so simple that it is familiar to most in the form of a displacement-time graph. The y-axis represents our movements in one dimension of space, while the x-axis represents time.

Take a simple graph, say y=x^2. By looking at any single point, say (0,0) and (1,1), it would be impossible to tell if any other points exists at all, or any movements in any direction. Yet, is it still safe to conclude that thus no other points beyond (1,1) or (0,0) exists? When we look at the entire function, we would see a flowing and continuous graph. Similarly, each instance in time seems broken and separate when we study it individually, but does this mean that time cannot flow continuously?

Looking at the analogy from yet another angle, we can ask a few questions about human life. Is existence a point undergoing translation in the positive x-direction? Or is it a consciousness moving through a set trajectory, with each instance of time merely a cross section of our existence as an object in space-time, and the passage of time not anything more than looking at the cross sections of different parts of the object? If it is the first case, then we must have free will, and the ability to do anything we want. Yet this “translation” must then occur relative to a new “time”, an inexplicable fifth dimension. If it is the second case, then everything destined to be must inevitably happen, for we are all part of the gigantic object in space-time that is the earth, the geometry of which is predetermined. Decisions would not change fate, for decisions are nothing more than parts of fate itself.

Since our lives in relation to time can be illustrated using a graph, is it a function of time? Is it one to one, one to many, or many to one? If it is one to one, then surely there is only one solution to our state of existence at any single point on the x-axis, and there is only one past, one present, and one future which can ever happen. If it is many to one, does it mean that it is possible to revert life experiences to a state exactly the same as that at another separate instant? If it is one to many, then does that mean it is a choice between either of the two solutions? Or does it mean that we are experiencing both states at the same instant?

Sweet Memories

2007-03-27T22:19:00.000+08:00

The sight and smell of a computer lab has a special meaning to many of us. Rows upon rows of CRT screens, keyboards and mice, that specific shade of color of the whiteboard, the lights and the way the floor is tiled… each detail fills my heart with memories of the good old days. Who can ever forget the computer studies lessons in sec 1 and 2, where all we did was snicker at the plump teacher’s bad accent, play runescape, revelation, check email, surf random sites, play around with the desktop, alternate + tab into a powerpoint presentation of a clean screenshot of whatever you’re supposed to do so that the taskbar full of illegal programs is hidden from the view of the teacher walking around to check on the students. Sometimes we also copied and then pasted chunks of java code (which we did not understand of course) into programs and click on buttons on the bluejay window to show that there are no longer any errors in the chunk of code, and once in a blue moon we might just occasionally pick up something about HTML which we still can recall even today. It is quite remarkable how a lesson as simple as physics lesson in the computer lab can mean so much to us. Perhaps it’s because we all came from a lowly environment, from a simple neighborhood school in Bishan while some of our financially better endowed peers come from a famous school in the city. Perhaps there, time and land is too scarce for them to indulge in such relaxations. Well I guess kampong boys living below the poverty line can’t really complain about our poorer standard of living. After all, our creator is fair, and we do have to suffer some drawbacks for our greater mental capabilities, don’t we?

After waking up from econs lecture, I felt quite refreshed and I decided to pay attention in maths for the first time in RJC. Ah, new day, new discovery. I never knew how wondrous a feeling it is to actually understand what each of the Arabic numerals written on the board in marker ink actually represented.

After a rather heavy lunch, I faced yet another period of losing confidence in chemistry: the subject, its intricacies and a confusing, most probably inadequate j3 tutor. It would not be exaggerating at all to say that the class made as much progress as the number of pairs of branded Italian leather shoes an astronaut makes in space.

I was hoping for the relaxation I would be able to enjoy as I listened to my classmates’ speeches in GP, but apparently destiny decided that otherwise cheerful day must end with some disappointment. And some it was humongous amount of disappointment at that, too. The entire one and a half period was all dedicated to writing some lame essay, which I screwed up really badly. It is such a great amazement, that our minds on some days are so brilliant and give us the most ingenious possible solution to the hardest problem in the world, and on other days simply sulk in the corner and ignore every last task thrown at it. I scanned the list of questions and instantly knew that the second question was the one for a being of great mental prowess, an adept philosopher. Yet I knew inevitable doom was about to befall me when I could find no trace of the great thinking which usually accompanies my unthinkable level of enlightenment. It seems that each of the impossibly powerful arguments I came up with since I was a toddler have evacuated my brain and were all hiding in some microscopic crevice on my toenails. What little clarity of thought that remained soon broke down as I was consumed in a chaotic and frantic desperation searching for the relevant justifications for my points, and the relevant points for my justifications. I then suddenly had the frantic realization that I was sort of writing out of point, but the final blow of damage was promptly dealt to me as the bell rang and the teacher stood to leave the room. Ah, so much for my hopes of a good GP score; for I have already marred the CA component with my horrible essay and the similarly disgusting marks which I would so definitely receive.

Time

2007-03-23T18:43:00.000+08:00

Time. It exists far beyond our existence. It stretches forward into the unknowable future, and back into the dim distant past.

I was watching some documentary yesterday night when this highly though provoking line caught my attention. This made me realize how much the concept of time really affected the human race. We do what we do each day because of our fundamental believe that there was yesterday, there is today, and there will be a tomorrow. Yet, is this really true? What is the true meaning of time?

Is there any moment at all, other than the immediate present?

Most of us are so used to accepting the idea of past, present and future that we fail to ever question it. Yet when we come down to the details, what exactly do we have to prove the existence of the past? We have the physical evidence- clues to what has happened. We have our memories- I know that i wrote the previous sentence because i remember writing it. However, is it not true that both of the above exists only in the present instant? Does you remembering that yesterday you remembered what you did the day before yesterday have any significance other than you having memories of both yesterday and the day before at the very current instant? Humans have limited intelligence and knowledge. As such, we often like to assume things which we cannot really find out. Imagine a man who blindly opens a random page on a book he has never read before, and sees the page number 42. He then assumes that the pages from 1 to 41 exists. What if some pages were torn out? What if the pages did not count the cover page? What if the pages were never printed, or was printed in another volume?

And what about the future? It seems to me that the existence of a future is less convincing than the existence of the past. Once again, i draw upon the idea that man is ignorant, and he likes to find patterns in possibly chaotic events. When man is convinced of the existence of a yesterday, he begins to think that since there was a tomorrow to yesterday, there should be a tomorrow for today. Yet, how can we be ever certain of the future, if we do not even understand the exact nature of the past? Going back to the man reading the random page in the book, he sees that there is page 42, and he is convinced there must be a page 41, he then continues to assume that there must be a page 43.

It turns out that my previous understanding of time is nothing but a series of assumptions.

Does time fly like an arrow? I think no, it is us who fly like arrows, through the winds of time.

Interesting point raised in lz's blog. This made me conjecture further...

Does time fly like an arrow? Are we the ones who fly like arrows? Or are we simply arrows tied to a string, with a fan blowing the air past us to make us think we are flying like arrows? Are we the ones who actually shoot the arrow, and decide where it ends up? Or are we released off the bowstring by a greater power which is controlling our destiny? Maybe there is no fixed destiny at all, we fly off in random directions, with no apparent target. Or perhaps we are not really moving arrows in the first place, we are merely feeling the passing wind and we think we are flying.

Splitting Headache

2007-03-22T20:20:00.000+08:00

Splitting Headache

A mind a size of a planet trapped in a tiny cage; Each passing second takes a little bit of what remains of my sanity away; each throb brings along with it a whole new level of suffering never before comprehensible. Bones in my shoulders, legs and arms abandon their neutral nature and turns acidic, nibbling away at my soul. Whitened knuckles, fingers and the palm palpitates uncontrollably as the nervous system is brought beyond the threshold of endurance. Unaware of what venomous compound i ingested is making the hideous bubbling sounds, sensations from the intestines are ever changing. At this moment it feels like a balloon blown to enormous proportions; and the next instant the innards feel as if they have been cut into little chunks, rolled through a meat crusher, while the nerves on them still stay attached to my spine. The temperature increases; my brain cells, caught in a deadly conflagration, struggle to hold on to that last bit of humanity which remains. Yearning to be one with the natural state of the universe and desiring for that eternal nothingness which would put an end to my misery.

A speedy recovery
Ah, my savior comes: noble, white heroes dressed in a half silvery, half transparent suits. They are sending a message to console me, to ensure me that this pain shall soon be relieved. With a sudden, savage burst of strength, i pierce my saviors' silver armor, drown them in bubbling dihydrogen monoxide, and pour the white paste down my throat. My body feels refreshed once more as the paracetamol surges through my veins. I put the remainder of the box of Panadol headache tablets back into the fridge for future use.

Life- The Fatal Addiction

2007-03-15T23:08:00.000+08:00

Greetings, my evil minions! It has been almost a week since I last posted on this delightfully dreadful blog. Yes, yes, I am well aware, all you naughty ones are hungry for more of my great thoughts again… I hope you have taken ample care to digest your last dose of my nefarious ideas before reading this, for indigestion is undesirable, even to the most heinous little creatures in the universe.

In case you haven't noticed, there has been a lot of new posts up on the 2klever blog, so if my evil minions should develop a craving to know about what my clique has been doing for the past week or so, then click here. I myself have posted in an attempt to cheer my friend up, and lingzhang has given a fairly detailed and accurate coverage on the class outing yesterday. Since that was about the only interesting thing I have done in the march holidays so far, and me blogging about that would be really redundant and boring, I shall blog about this thing I have been pissed about for quite a long time.

What isssssit??? I know all you little hateful things must be hissing with curiosity, so I shall not keep you in suspense any longer. The word is

"Addiction"

If you have any hobbies at all outside of endless mugging, and have ever argued with your parents about spending time on your pastime, then the word "addiction" must be very familiar to you! Doesn't it seem to happen all too often, that your parents, fed-up of being owned in the debate of whether or not your favorite computer game has its merits, starts to fall into the trap of the slippery slope fallacy, and start making wild accusations that your little indulgence in the activity would eventually, inevitably, develop into an- "Addiction"? And does it happen then, that you have no response to this impossibly wicked argument? When all seems right about you playing those precious 2 games of Warcraft every week, when you have proven that DotA improves your hand-eye-brain-bladder (since you need to control yourself in order to complete a whole game without going to the toilet)- mouth (control yourself from screaming vulgarities!though I know most people don't practice this control anyway) coordination, and your parents seem almost speechless… That final victory is almost in sight- until your parents use the word "addiction" yet again. ADDICTION! The most heinous thing in the universe! Now it's your turn to be speechless.

In fact, the concept of addiction is abused more than just in the average teen-containing household. It is what makes substances like heroin, ecstacy irrefutably wrong. True, these substances can harm you, but the difference between these drugs and the average rat-poison in supermarkets is that these chemicals cause addiction.

It is such a sad thing that society is making such blatant abuse of the idea. A boy spending the night playing computer is hopelessly obsessed; another spending an equal or greater amount of time mugging his maths textbook has great determination. "Addiction" is nothing more than a weapon; a tool for the society to despise those who they do not like, and is totally ignored when it comes to people society wishes to applaud.

Parents like mine see an addiction of any kind, to any thing non-mugging related as disgusting and appalling. Yet they do not realize that in their moment of folly they have passed me an addiction far worse than all the poisonous drugs in the world combined. The addiction that they despise so much grows within my very being with each passing second; I find that I am irreversibly addicted to food. I cannot go on for more than half a day without the craving to eat growing to impossibly intense levels, and the withdrawal symptoms becoming such serious that I faint; I am hopelessly addicted to water, an afternoon without this dangerous liquid (an overdose of which could kill me) would leaves my throat sore and my lips parched; I am even more addicted to air, the lack of merely a few breathes of oxygen makes me pant with desperation.

In conclusion, because of some act of stupidity over 17 years ago, I have been passed the most abhorred addiction in the whole universe- The Addiction to Life. This fatal addiction roots itself deeper and deeper into me each day; it leads into the unavoidable death that I must experience, and even if I should attempt to quit this loathsome habit, the outcome would be the same, as the withdrawal symptom from life would still be death. I wish I were never born, for then, I would be immortal and can never die.

Presentation!

2007-03-09T21:41:00.000+08:00

Greetings my little mortals! Do you hear something wonderful, something divine?
Yes... its that mysterious holy voice speaking to you from up above, yet again. If you think that this great voice from above is so irresistably sexy and addictive (which i assume must be the case, since my voice is music to even the dumbest of ears), then you must have been ecstatic when i was making that little oral presentation for GP a few weeks ago. Well, as junren has requested it and I feel that most of the jokes i made werent really understood that day because i spoke too fast, and maybe because some of the audience have poor comprehension abilities, so here it is, the original script i wrote. Hope it isnt too lame, but you know as well as i do that its probably going to be as lame as you expected it to be.

"Good morning ladies and gentlemen. Today, I would like to begin my presentation with a fact of immense impact.

Are you aware of the shocking truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, that roughly 1 in every 2 persons, I repeat, 1 in every 2 persons living on the surface of this planet we call earth, makes up 50% of the human population?

The fact I am responding to is “The average Briton is caught on camera 300 times a day. With 10 percent of the world’s 30 million CCTV cameras, we are the most watched nation in the world.” As you shall soon realise, just like the first statement I have made, the “fact” I have chosen to respond to be as lame as a centipede with 99 missing legs. Let’s put ourselves into the shoes of the average English dude who would be reading this.

Placing such a fact in a list of 50 facts that should change the world has connotations of itself. It means that whoever placed this fact there feels there is great injustice in the existence of CCTV cameras. It is as if the very act of placing a CCTV camera somewhere is horrendously immoral, and no matter at what cost, it is our duty to entirely eradicate CCTV cameras and wipe them off the very surface of this world like pesky pests off the surface of a piece of wood crawling all over with termites. With the author of the list making such great accusations at possibly innocent CCTV cameras, don’t you think we should closely examine the pros and cons or CCTV cameras in our society?

At first, the statistics truly seems alarming. The idea of being caught on CCTV such a large number of times a day makes us uncomfortable, and the word “watch” implies that people’s privacies are being intruded upon. The sentence puts the meaning across in a clever way such that we fail to realise the cameras “watching” us can actually only catch a quick glimpse of each of the thousands of people it is “watching”.

Secondly, while on one hand it seems that privacy is something fair to expect in a highly cultured society, on the other hand, on closer examination, we would find that it is impossible to achieve what the author of the fact wants. Each and every one of us is “watched” by many people everyday anyway. I, myself, am being caught on 56 different biological CCTV cameras in a short duration of 5 minutes! With 96.5% of the class’s biological CCTV cameras focusing straight into me, I am currently the most watched person in 6k! Clearly, there is no point in arguing for privacy in public.

Furthermore, is privacy really all that important in the first place? Assuming that the cameras used has sufficiently high resolution, the security cameras keep a lookout for terrorists and crooks of all shapes, sizes and colours, such that these devious persons would not be able to do evil as they wish. Not only acting as a deterrent, CCTVs also ensure the unlucky criminals who happen to commit their thievery or robbery or even murder right under the surveillance of the cameras to be brought to justice. Are we really willing to give up safety for privacy?

CCTV cameras not only ensure our safety, but the hygiene of our environment as well! It appears the particular material CCTV cameras are made of, and the particular angles at which the components are fixed together create a curious mechanism which interacts with some part of our brains in some unknown way due to some unknown reason, with the net result being our character improving manifold. The end result is that wherever the magical lens of a CCTV camera points, people suddenly stop doing inconsiderate things such as spitting and littering. Its amazing how the lift at my block became a public toilet, a public rubbish dump and a public smoker’s corner simply because the CCTV camera in the lift was removed. Of course, in the rare occasions that these delightful little toys should fail, we can still grab a rare glimpse of human nature as compensation.

Therefore, we can see that CCTVs work for the good of our society, and the statement we have encountered here is nothing but a few pieces of information cleverly presented to attempt to convert the average layman into freedom activists, to convert the freedom activists who are not already emotional into emotional freedom activists, to make the already emotional freedom activists yet more emotional, and to make the freedom activists of the ultimatest emotional state to think they have a rational reason for raising a great hullabaloo. The educated population should be already well aware of the good CCTVs have done to our society. After all, if CCTVs are not everywhere, how would we be able to know that Jeff Lopez claimed that he said he don’t want tur kwa in his ba chor mee, when he didn’t say he don’t want tur kwa?"

Wednesday

2007-03-08T23:49:00.000+08:00

In the beginning, there were great obstacles. Great obstacles, my friend! Yet neither the endless nagging of good for nothing parents nor the tugging urge to fall into a deep slumber could stop me from the completion of this post. To many in my class, yesterday would probably have been the most memorable days of our life in RJ.

The day witnessed large amounts of relatively less intelligence behavior by a member of the weaker gender. It witnessed countless pages of wonderful artwork in the making by another member of the same gender. It witnessed incredibly horrifying pool skills, but most importantly, the true meaning of friendship.

Do not think that this is yet another one of the great divine being’s joke posts, for it is not. We laughed and suaned each other, but we cried when the time came to part. Right now, those of you feeling down might blame me for putting any humor at all into a post about such a sad day. I beg you to forgive me beforehand. What I am trying to do is to merely record our memories, our feelings, such that maybe 10 years later, we would all be able to look back and remember all our laughter and all our tears. For the preservation of this precious memory, perhaps being blamed for cracking jokes at such a time is but a necessary sacrifice.

Wednesday. A short day in our time table, no doubt, but nevertheless the four periods (normally seems to be over in a hurry) dragged on, and with unparalleled monotony we have never known since January. Perhaps it was that large gaping holes in our hearts, the feeling of emptiness left by the leaving of our four classmates.

But the boring part of the day ended quickly, as we were once again felt the joy of being around our friends as the class had lunch together at RI. As the saying I made up just a few seconds ago goes, “Good food makes the mood”, and a combination of fried rice, mee goreng, deep fried chicken drumstick, deep fried sotong balls and games of bridge after lunch made me much happier significantly. We soon became either impossibly superstitious or incredibly obsessed with poker cards, and I had my fortune told, with the end result being some stunning thing (details ask the people who were there, if you are bored enough to bother). I soon revealed the scientific principals allowing me to abuse the processes of the “fortune telling” such that I had amazing results when it was actually only a simple manipulation of the order in which the cards were arranged.

We soon decided that to fill up the empty void that would be the next 5 or so free hours before class dinner, we would go to kovan’s house to have some fun and play pool. What was originally a group of 4 quickly grew, and we realized how closely bonded we were to each other, as each who was free made it a point to come down to kovan’s house to help decorate the gifts we were supposed to prepare, and even lingzhang, who was not free, decided that it was well worth it to give up his much needed band practice as an opportunity cost, in order to contribute. Not knowing the location of kovan’s house was hardly an obstacle for zhan ming, who took the great troubles of finding his own way to kovan’s house just to contribute wise and philosophical, and of course encouraging Chinese quotes. Yihui and Jinxiong took painstaking care in their drawing to make sure each page, each line and each drop of ink is full of beauty and meaning. I must confess that people like myself are not exactly the most perfect of artists, yet at the same time I swear that the rest of us who were there contributed, perhaps in smaller ways, but with the same heart to the notebooks.

Ah, and not to forget how much fun me and Ari had teaming up to play pool against certain members of the opposite gender. How we strategically place our balls at such positions such that it was inevitable for us to appear to be losing at the start and then suddenly make a gigantic comeback, suddenly owning and dominating the pool table, clearing each last ball, only to graciously give away the game by either entering the magical 8-ball through the wrong hole, or by entering the magical 8-ball through the correct hole, with the white ball following soon after.

We played bridge too, and I developed the love for bidding for 3 no trump, the magical bid, which allowed me to first lose to the partner I called, and then passing control back to me, winning sets with cards as atrociously low as 2 of spades simply because no one else still had spades left. There was also a game of hearts, where a lack of cooperation led to me winning every single heart and the queen of spades, resulting in every other player getting 26 points, which then in turn caused them to get so disgusted of the game we never played another round of hearts after that.

Now on to the part about a being of endowed with slightly less mental capabilities compared to the rest of us. Apparently, such an individual, (whose identity I do not care to reveal in fear of causing unnecessary tension, and also because if you really want to know who this person is you can read my previous post on the 2klever blog) was smart enough to smack herself right in the face with the cue; attempt to win a superior player at pool and embarrass herself by getting thrashed badly for five rounds in a row; taking extraordinarily long to register the meaning implied by the letters P-U-L-L on a door; and complaining she doesn’t have enough hands to both hold her bag, and open the magnetic door. In fact, demonstrations of the inabilities of the under average mind was such a commonplace event yesterday that I could not remember all of what happened.

The time then came for us to go back to school for class dinner. We took a bus back to RJC, and the only eventful event which happened was our smart Zhan Ming ejecting a glob of the amylase containing fluid produced by glands in the mouth, otherwise known as spit or saliva, into a corner of Vini’s skirt, producing soon a visible dark patch. (On a side note, SMRT needs to increase the frequency of 156 buses, for we waited and waited till almost 3 of each of the other busses have passed before a 156 bus was in sight) We reached school, and the rest of the class who were in the canteen continued to contribute to the scrapbooks. We ordered McDonalds for dinner, and then heard the touching speeches made by Melissa, Ivan and Fengping. We had lots of fun playing Polar Bear with me being the flawlessly wonderful game master. Junwei was constantly being killed off in the first day by either the polar bears or the civilians (aww). Then it was time for Indian poker, and I changed a large card for an impossibly small one, in fact the smallest possible card, and lost horribly. We were then “scolded” by dear mr. H for staying in school too late. [kinda like my mom, who called me not long after to scold me on the phone, but you must understand the great sacrifice I made when I simply turned off the phone and daoed her (aww so touching)]. What has to come to an end eventually came to an end, and we sang songs with kovan playing the guitar, some of us were so sad we cried, and eventually said our well wishes and good byes to each other.

This post might seem like a piece of liu shui zhang (aka flowing water recording), especially towards the end and have not much artistic flair at all, but I do hope that each of the details I put in would help us to cherish this memory for all eternity. To all those who might need to leave us, have a great time wherever you go, live your life fully, and do remember the rest of us in 6k. As for those of us who can remain, we must remember the pledge we made. Good night.

Comeback

2007-03-06T22:11:00.000+08:00

After almost one year of inactivity, the scripture of fate has been revived!!! (Yay!)

Along with this resurrections is a cool new blog skin which i put together myself! Muahahahaha! Now that the great immortal has changed to a demonic blog skin, it would only be inevitable that eventually, unimaginable evil shall be spread through this portal to the rest of the universe!!! You shall be engulfed in the infinite darkness and hideous corruption shall permeate throughout the very fabric of the dimensions, be it length, height, depth or even time!

Seriously though, i would like to give credit to certain people: lz, for finding a new blog skin to replace the old childish blog skin of the 2klever blog such that i became highly inspired to improve my own sucky personal blog skin; Blizzard entertainment for making the wonderful computer game known as warcraftIII and the battlenet website such that i can kope the pictures directly from there for my blog skin instead of having to draw demonic patterns myself; last but definitely not the least, all you little mortals around for actually giving me stuff to blog about :D

Over the next few days, expect lots of new cool demonic stuff popping up like mushrooms after a shower, including links to my demonic little friends that you might not be able to acquire elsewhere, my deep, dark and demonic secrets of the deepest, darkest, and most demonic nature, and of course just to check out the different interesting things which happen to me as i set out on my highly ambitious plan to conquer the universe.

As for the chinese DotA fanfic project, i think i won't be continuing it any further since firstly theres a lack of interest for this sort of rubbish (yeah you guys are right, which person in his right mind would want to read CHINESE dota fanfics?) and secondly my chinese is simply too horrendous for me to write anything decent :S

Having settled that, i guess its time for me to go sleep too. Good Night!

DotA FanFic

2006-07-06T22:06:00.000+08:00

Chapter 2 is out!

http://www.geocities.com/atomicmaniac2000/dotaff2.doc

DotA FanFic

2006-07-06T18:31:00.000+08:00

First chapter of my DotA fanfic is out!

http://www.geocities.com/atomicmaniac2000/dotaff1.doc

Hope you enjoy it.

Heres the Translation Table

http://www.geocities.com/atomicmaniac2000/translationtable.doc

Note i will only update the translation table if i really have a lot of time.

YES!

2006-06-27T18:22:00.000+08:00

Doesn't it seem so inspiring, when someone should put a confident and affirmative "yes" as a blog post title? Doesn't it seem so cheerful, when everything seem to have gone right, and the world is full of positive (and capitalised) "YES"s? (ok fine there are only a few positive and capitalised "YES"s) Shouldn't you be even more delightfully optimistic, that this "YES" is followed by a firm and resounding exclamation mark?

NO!

Its just there cuz i cudnt find anymore nice blog post title, and so I just put something short and sweet (like reducing sugars) there for convenience.

OK fine anyone who has been following my blog (according to my site tracker this=noone) would realise that i have not posted for 2 months. 2 whole months! Thats about the time it takes for 1/6 of a year to pass! 1/60 of a decade! 1/600 of a century! 1/6000 of a millenium! What great and glorious reasons lies behind my dissappearing? Me, a mystic figure, mysteriously dissappearing in a mystery for such a long time? Amounting to 1/6000 of a millenium? Well to make long stories short and short stories long, its just the combined faults of Frozen Throne and Magic: The Gathering. Nope, its not DotA. DotA totally SUX. Anyone who disagrees with me can go to hell. Its like totally imba, totally depends on luck, and takes up so damn freaking humongous aeons of time. Better spent playing standard game. You see, DotA is for such noobcakes who are too noob to micro anything more than one hero. The amount of repetitive clicking in DotA is such an ugly sight in comparison to the graceful and yet elegant manipulation of units of standard players. Effective clicking, major tactical and strategical decisions, multitude of units and strategies... I take my firm stand here, and I shall defend it.

DotA SUX. Standard ROX.

For those who you who are repentant, it is still not too late for you to turn over a new leaf. Immediately do this as you read this blog post, and i promise you shall be rewarded with an enlightenment of such a level that lv 25 of DotA heroes would become puny to the point of Oblivion. Heres how to attain this masterly understanding:

Navigate to C:\Program Files\Warcraft III\Maps\Download

Delete all maps with the evil letters "DotA" in it.

Go to your web browser and block all sites which allow the word "DotA" to appear.

p06510vtu3m

2006-04-07T22:02:00.000+08:00

Yo, mortals

In case you were wondering why this blog have been stagnant for so long, its due to
1. Im too busy doing homework
2. Im too busy playing magic

So expect some new content when i get less busy.In the meantime, heres a few magic cards im looking for:

Nomads En-Kor
Warrior En-Kor
Daru Spiritualist
Angelic Protector
Animal Boneyard
Starlit Sanctum

In case you were wondering, yes, im trying to make a infinity life combo deck, and those are the vital combo parts. If you happen to possess any of the above mentioned cards and is willing to part with it (them) for some other cards that i possess and you desperately need, please feel free to contact me.

2006-03-04T22:55:00.000+08:00

Goblin Cards im looking for:

goblin sledder, skirk prospector, goblin war strike, goblin lookout, goblin taskmaster, Crown of Fury,mogg sentry, goblin warchief, goblin king, goblin warchief....

CardList

2006-02-23T22:15:00.000+08:00

Recently i keep disturbing ppl like bernard and Mark about cards im looking for, and i feel very paiseh... So i shall just put them all here to save the trouble of everyone.

Ornithopter x2
Energy Chamber x2
Shrapnel Blast x2
Grab the Reinsx4
Dawn's Reflectionx2
Skyreach Mantax2
Fabricate x 3
Krark Clan Ironworks x 4
Aether Vial x 1
Ravenous Rats x 4
Yore Tiller Nephilim
Throughtcast x 4
Artifact Lands
Black Land Destruction (rancid earth, rain of tears)

Cranial Plating!

2006-02-18T10:41:00.000+08:00

Yesterday was a cool day, with my deck being almost perfected, having now 4 cranial platings and 4 welding jars. The next biggest improvement would be the addition of 2 ornithopters, quading of the great furnaces, addition of 2 shrapnel blasts, and if im rich enough 4 glimmervoids and 4 arcbound ravagers. Of course, if i am cheapo enough i can add in 4 disciples of the vault and 4 skullclamps for non extended legal play, but obviously im am not so boliao.

I started the day with a bad loss though. In the morning, i played against Bernard's bleeding deck. There was so much ownage at the start, with my plated frogmite taking large chunks off his life total as early as turn 4 or 5. However, the combination of his good luck of getting 2 copies of his control spell (some sleep thing) and me making about 5 major mistakes throughout the game lost me the game. I should really start thinking when i play magic.

After that, during recess i played multiple games with lingzhang using my artifact deck, winning all of them through my powerful cranial plating+cheap flying creature (somber hoverguard/ornithopter/arcbound stinger)combo.

During lunchtime, before chess club i tried to play a game with wenchong but just as my second cranial plating was coming out, wenchong had to fall in for band... aww well

Then i went to play chess in chess club. It was quite lame, the entire session involving the coach simultaneously playing against like 20+ people... not exactly beneficial. i almost managed to draw the coach by using TOng3 Yi1 Tian1 Xia4... I was going to lose the game, but i managed to sacrifice a pao and then later gain a ma back.

After that was band, and we played bacchus. IMO its quite a fun song, compared to overture, where i was doing nothing at all.

After that i played three games, first a humiliating defeat of my myr deck against wench's green/red mass enchantments, then a controversial win of my affinity deck in chaos against wenchong and bernard. Wenchong could very well have won if not for him using the wrong creatures to attack me.

After that was a onevone game between me and wenchong. Again, using overwhelming creatures and my cranial plating, he was destroyed in no time.

Affinity!

2006-02-16T22:16:00.000+08:00

early this morning, bernard traded me his two cranial platings for a fist of suns, which is basically a cute rare that has weird effect, the kind that a collector would take... and bernard of course, is a collector.

Anyway, my games today were quite good.

During recess me and lz sprinted back to the classroom to play. I was actually quite surprised, since he was able to build a respectable deck around almost totally worthless cards, useless except for the fact that they were cheap zombies and were pretty fast. I played two games with him. The first game was actually quite close. I had to keep a hand with no artifact lands and only two islands, and i think from the way he groaned his hand was pretty bad too. I managed to pull off a win with overwhelming creatures. The second game was slightly more exciting for me. My deck worked the way it should, with early cranial plating on flying a flying creature. I actually managed to draw double cranial plating and attack him for 10 damage with a ornithopter when i had only 5 artifacts left. Forgot many details, but i remember killing him off with a shrapnel blast.

After school i played with bernard before going off for third language classes. The first game he was stuck with one or two lands for quite a long time, and after my first cranial plating came out he decided to resign. The second game was not much more fun. He managed to get a watchwolf out, but immediately the turn after that i played and equipped a cranial plating on a arcbound stinger and hit him for 9 damage, bringing him to 10 life. i thought he would resign after i played a free myr enforcer and a somber hoverguard, but apparently he did not. he drew a card and passed the turn. Anticipating him to play something like awestrike, i moved my cranial plating over to another arcbound stinger which had summoning sickness, and then attacked with my myr enforcer and the 1/1 arcbound stinger. it ended up he could only gain up to 3 life and would lose the next turn when i attacked with my cranial platinged stinger.

On the way home from third lang, i played with lz again, this time me changing to my myr deck. It is still lacking in 4 krark clan ironworks and 2 pentad prisms, 4 echoing courages and a the mana base required, so i expected it to lose quite badly. It turned out that i was quite lucky and quite unlucky at the same time. I was unlucky, for i did not manage to draw a myr incubator or a reshape or a fabricate, which was the main card for the deck. Instead i drew a myr matrix, a lodestone myr, many mana myrs and two myr retrievers throughout the game. I made a few mistakes, firstly discarding my myr matrix for compulsive research's effect, and then later getting my lodestone myr killed due to not realising that he can sacrifice his maggot carrier to give the nantuko husk(or whatever that is) +2/+2. I managed to get both back using a combo between skullclamp and myr retriever. It turned out that lz was quite unlucky, for he didnt manage to find his zombies for the powerful "creature surge". In the end when we reached his stop i had filled the board with mana myrs and a few myr tokens, a myr matrix that gave me a board full of 2/2 creatures. Mark looked at both our decks and said that lz would win. But we had no way of proving that since it was lz's stop already.

not bad. Until now, the winloss ratio for the 3rd version of my artifact deck, after i added in 2 cranial platings, is 4-0. tommorrow the it will receive 4 welding jars and a last cranial plating for the quad, and the main parts of the deck should be more or less complete. the important test is still whether it can win mark's wellwisher elf deck, which quite totally destroyed an earlier version of my affinity deck. im hoping that turn 2 and 3 ornithopters and arcbound stingers equipped with cranial plating would be able damage him such that his wellwisher would be too late to salvage the situation.

Exodus: Widowmaker

2006-02-11T19:15:00.000+08:00

Lol i went to buy the widowmaker deck, its so coolzors...

comes with 2 diabolic edict, 2 dark ritual, 2 counterspell, 2 mana leak, 2 forbid and a couple of other cool things.

I need more comments and suggestions for my blog so keep those tags coming in.

Actually i dun have much to blog about, and even if i have i am far too tired to type anything... so expect to see more content next time...

PWN!

2006-02-03T22:24:00.000+08:00

Yesh!

After many sleepless nights and late evenings at the physics labs, burning my hands with candle wax, having my fingers stuck together by super glue and half bonded epoxy, waterproofed my hands by silicon spray and hand cut by razor sharp can lids, we finally managed to win the Steam Boat Competition! Yay!

Our whole team arrived at the competition venue, which is ngee ann poly, early at around 8:30, so we were the first team to start testing out boat. Basically we had three boats and three seperate copper tubing engines, and we had to find out which one we wanted to use for the competition. The first one was steady in terms of both stability and speed, but the top speed was rather unsatisfactory. The second one had a rather high top speed, but it tended to turn and was very unsteady so we dared not risk. The last boat was real steady and went real straight, but had a really lumbering slow top speed, unless we managed to make the engine into such a state where it spurted large amounts of steam. Instead of the normal small pulses of water. It turns out that our testing paid off, since from the testing i was able to find the knack of making our copper tubing coil spurt out water at this unusually high rate. It was quite hard to make our copper tube coil engine provide such thrust, since reaching such a state was something almost totally random and erratic. Basically now we had an idea of how to make the chances of the engine entering that state higher, but it was still pretty inconsistent and unreliable compared to the other two boats. In the end i decided to go with the gamble and try it out.

Then the real test for the boat came. I didnt realise that we would actually have to go for our race so soon, and i was really scared as i stepped up infront of the pool of water. We would either be lucky and get the engine to enter the high efficiency state for a short time during the race and win it, or stay at the lumbering pace, at which we would definitely lose. I can still remember the high pitched shrill of the whistle as i released my boat. I looked at the boat of the other team which was in the same race, and was like OMG their boat is really slow. Then i looked back at our own boat and was like OMFG WTF our boat was slowER. then as the boat reached about 1/3 of the course and all seemed to be lost for the RI team, with a loud and magnificent roar our boat managed to achieve the steam spurting state that i was talking about! Needless to say, this new power thrusted our boat forward for like half of the remaining journey, and the rest of the distance was completed by mostly inertia.

Lol. After that was less stressful, but it was really scary see each of the schools' boats go so fast. But for some reason we were damn lucky, partially because the pro boats that move damn fast mostly cannot go straight and they keep going in circles, (but on retrospect actually got nothing to worry about, with the power of god helping our boat, how can it lose?)so we managed to win by a convincing margin of 4 seconds faster than the team which was second in place. Each of our team members won a DVD/VCD/CD/CD-R/CD-RW/MP3 play and a nice trophy.(*suan junren for getting lousy book voucher*) Hm and when i go to the podium next week for prize presentation pls remember to clap louder and cheer for me. :)

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2006-01-20T20:41:00.000+08:00

Ah, mortals!

today was quite eventful. There was english in the morning, and we listened to a few more funny speeches, such as lz's and ngiams. Kauz lor everyone is becoming more and more lame so i must work harder to maintain the overall domination of lameness over the others.

In the afternoon i had to go for science club raffles trail... The water fountain thing failed at first, but later we found out that its cuz the carbonated water does not foam, so the gas could not be trapped. So we added some detergent and it workd!

Physics!

2006-01-18T20:27:00.000+08:00

Yeah, i have pretty much nothing to blog these few days, so i shall post the only thing that is remotely interesting, which is my english oral presentation script, here.

Good morning Mrs D’cruz and my very dear classmates.

Before I start, I shall ask all of you a question. What did the thermometer say to the graduated measuring cylinder?

I see many puzzled faces, but before I reveal the answer, I shall be telling all of you about an unknown side of me, my passion, my fetish. It starts with the letter “P”, and ends with the letter “S”. It is can sometimes be quite hard, and most people moan and groan when they think of it. Yes! Its physics!

I understand that many of you think of physics as morbid and boring, and is best for inducing sleep. People moan and groan when there is a physics lesson, and the topics that are tested for physics tests are definitely not easy. They are indeed very hard.

However, just like a see saw, anything that has a down side would have an up side, unless of course the total clockwise moment is equal to the total anticlockwise moment. Physics is very useful. without it our noticeboard would be covered in layers and layers of that ugly pink paper, and all the excuses would not be “bus came late”, but instead “no bus”. It is the physics of energy that power the buses, MRTs and Toyota Corollas that we take to school. Without physics, There would be no junction 8 for the shopaholics, no CBD for the workaholics, no classrooms for us, and “Bob the builder” would be better known as “Bob with the yellow helmet”. It is the physics that keeps the buildings together in one piece.

Physics is fun. Learning physics is more fun. Aren’t just thrilled whenever you hear things like Stoke’s Law, the Kepler’s Laws, Planck Constant, Threshold Frequency, and the Laws of Thermodynamics? Learning optical physics make us enlightened, learning gravity lets us know what is meant by being down to earth, and learning vectors help us understand the nature of the Force. Therefore, I should learn physics. You should learn physics too. We should all learn physics and graduate from our last year in RI with wonderful results in physics.

I quote an anonymous thermometer, “You may have graduated but I've got many degrees”

Note: It was a rushed job, don't tell me about gramatical mistakes or logical flow problems

ArcFfiniBurst Deck!

2006-01-14T16:27:00.000+08:00

Argh, seems that my plan to stop buying MTG cards are ill fated and doomed to fail right from the start. I just bought the Bait and Bludgeon deck yesterday, using the proceeds i got from selling Elvish Rage. Now my artifact is almost complete, requiring only 1 more Aether Spellbomb, a Couple more artifact lands, and 3 more cranial platings... Ok i admit thats quite a lot. Won't be posting too much so that ppl can read the loooong post that i made for the 6-2 outing.

Transference!

2006-01-11T22:13:00.000+08:00

Whoa! Went to cineplex with primary school friends yesterday. (Yesterday night too tired, and no time to do anything but mug anyway) Anyway, we were watching King Kong. And to think that King Kong actually means literally a King called Kong! I thought it had some deeper meaning, such as being the sound the oversized gorilla makes when it walks around or bashes himself on the chest or farts or smthn. Shuotian says that the plot sucks and only the action is nice. I agree. But what kind of a plot can you make when the main character is this gigantic gorrila that walks around in the forest and pulls the jaws of dinosaurs apart?

Anyway, i bought transference theme deck after that. (whoa, think i must stop buying MTG liaoz, its wasting too much of my money) Nevertheless the deck was awesome and i got it at a relatively cheap 14 bucks compared to the 17 that i would have to spend were i to buy it at the comics shop opposite the school.

Oh yar and before everything we ate lunch. Of course, as usual the females are all the seperatists. Me, Mikel,Guanwen and Shuotian already decided to go eat at BK, then the females decided to eat at KFC, so we decided to have more class spirit and follow them and eat at KFC too. We even sat down at a long table, or rather a few short tables joined up, such that there were enough seats for everyone there to sit together. It turned out that the class spirit wasnt one of particularly high quality, (probably something went wrong in the distillation process) and the females went straight to the other corner (i am quite sure if you were to take a ruler and measure, the distance between the tables we were sitting at and the tables at that corner was the largest possible) of the restaurant and seated themselves comfortably there. Yonglin came late and started eating when we finished eating.

Sorry for the non-chronological order, but just after we ate lunch and before KingKong started, we went to the arcade. The low quality of the class spirit again proved itself, the females playing the same games, but not together with us. But at least this is understandable; given the somewhat inferior ability of females to accomplish certain goals in certain, (actually most) games it is quite natural for them not to want to play with us. Anyway we played this racing game, and i played two games of that. In the first game i was already ahead of the others by the second round, and went on to win the game easily. In the second games i was lagging at the start due to some cars appearing where they shouldnt be (i thought i could drive through them, you see). But alas, such mere freak accidents are no hindrance to my great powers, and through sheer skill and unparalleled control of the virtual vehicle i managed to overtake the other two racers (yonglin and guanwen) and finish first place for the second consecutive rounds. After that there wasnt anymore time to play.

What weird creatures, females (and some males) are! Not even 4 hours after they had eaten lunch, they had become hungry again and we therefore went yoshinoya (is that the correct spelling?) After that the rest went back to the arcade to play but me and shuotian had to go back home to mug so i dun really know what happend after that.

Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes

2006-01-08T20:24:00.000+08:00

Elvish rage rox!

Yes! I had never dared to imagine that i can actually find a legions theme deck from the shops in singapore. Although its not the imba sliver deck, it is still pretty good and is worth 18 US dollars if i were to buy it online. Cool. The next theme deck i buy shall be either the expulsion from 8th edition or the custom creatures from 9th edition. Hopefully these would buff up my green and black decks so that they become more powerful relatively.

Nothing much about this weekend, basically just spending my time on rev and doing some homework. And that Biology by Campbell and Reece is really expensive...

He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.

2006-01-06T21:55:00.000+08:00

Yo Mortalz!

Realise a few changes to the blog. A new Blog Poll has been added (so vote your favourite candidate for the next "Chiobu of the Week"!), and the music of the blog has been changed to "The Mountain Is Out" (Yes, thats the song rimb played at raffles trail, the one in which i sat on the chair looking dumb and repeating pretty much the same things for the whole song) Also, Chiobu of the day has been officially changed to chiobu of the week, such that readers would get more time to look at the chiobu, and such that i would not need to change it so often. If you have any suitable candidates for the "Chiobu of the week", please feel free to tag/email/comment me such that i can consider putting it in. Mind that i am looking for girls from games (Game Girls, or GG for short) , whether it is a RTS, a FPS, a RPG, a MMORPG or even a TCG. After i run out of Game Girls ill look for anime girlz as well.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

2006-01-03T21:17:00.000+08:00

Yoz! Its the first day of school today, and i can see that the year would be extremely excruciatingly boring, just like an electric drill. Im already feel like sleeping in the first hour of school. Luckily there was an extremely interesting practical during bio involving stimuli which stopped me from dropping into a slumber in the latter periods of the day. I got a feeling that our ancestors didnt have beds... otherwise why would they "fall" asleep, or "drop" into a slumber? Perhaps the fabric of the universe and all the dimensions were different then, and once you lose consciousness you lose the ground too, so you drop into whatever is below.

Argh. I have a feeling that jap lessons would be tough this year. Went to jap class and the only things i saw during jap class is all the muggers mugging (which means looking at their workbooks, textbooks, whatever, and touching their pens, which are touching their workbooks, textbooks, or whatever their pens are touching) and all i do is sit down there with a dumb look, and touch the table, since i didnt bring money to buy the textbooks, workbooks, and the whatever things. The teacher was talking very quickly, something about how if we don't listen/ask (happens to be the same word in jap), she won't repeat it and we(actually me especially, im the most noob in class)'ll get screwed during tests.

Wow. didnt realise that i can actually crap out so many words today. Oh yah. Im currently updating my blog quite often, so if you have any constructive ideas please feel free to tag me. But because of my totally useless, or rather totally inexistent html knowledge, don't expect me to get everything/anything fixed anytime soon.

See you mortals next entry.

The second day of the year is today

2006-01-02T18:16:00.000+08:00

This is just a quick entry. I just added a customized ico (the icon beside the url on the address bar) and a site counter. Plz tag me if cant see either of them.

The end of the world is not today

2006-01-01T16:03:00.000+08:00

Yo Mortals!

Do you see that picture on the left of this text? The colorful one, with black arrows, some blue bits, some green bits, a tiny little red box with a X on it at the top right, and large white spaces in the middle? Well, its something called a screenshot. If you don't know what is a screenshot, look to the left. That's a screenshot. Anyway, after seeing a few of my friends using screenshots on their blogs, (actually its just lz putting some pics from sro on 2klever.blogspot.com) i decided to do the same too. It has been said (by me) that good graphics can greatly enhance the quality and entertainment value of a good blog. So from today onwards, i shall put in one picture with every blog entry.

Anyway, i have just renovated the blog. Kept the original template, but fixed the problem of the big empty space above the content area which was quite ugly and not neat at all. (referring to the big empty space, not the contents) Also, i added in the pictures of some of the games i play at the side, below the links.

I now have a xanga account, but after trying it out i decided that i would not be using it very often, since i feel that the blogspot interface is more familiar and user-friendly. The xanga interface has more options though, but thats exactly why i don't want to use it. The buttons are all too confusing and im too lazy to learn to use it. Therefore this would still be my main blog for a long, long time.

Anyway i cant think of anything else to write now, so bye.

Oh, and btw, im currently: Blogging (DUH)

Guess What!

2005-12-31T11:25:00.000+08:00

STARCRAFT

Yes! After about 1 week of agonizing wait, i have finally managed to download the full isos for Starcraft and Starcraft: Brood War respectively. Isn't it so cool?

(Some of the above text is in a special font. Download it at http://eknp.com/php/fd.php?f=starcraft to view properly. Install notes can be found on the same site.)

Play MWS!

2005-12-29T14:01:00.000+08:00

Ah, my modem finally broke down completely. This is actually good news since I would be able to get a new modem, which would not disconnect me from MWS online play once every 10 minutes.

Talking about MWS, I am recently quite into Magic: The Gathering. MWS is actually a program that lets you make your own decks, modify them, and play the TCG virtually against other players around the world! If you are lucky, you might even get a chance at playing with angmoh chiobus using chiobu decks (chiobu decks are naturally full of chiobu cards, like female elves such as joiner adepts, restorers and boros archangels which wear surprisingly skimpy outfits), like I did!

If you are thrilled by the idea of playing against such chiobus using such chiobu decks with chiobu cards, or thrilled by the idea of simply playing MTG online, then you can download the files required and learn how to install them from the following install guide site:

http://mwsgames.com/index.php/MWS_Install_Guide

The site is slightly too wordy, so look out for the three important files that you need, namely the MagicWorkStation installation file, the MTG database, and the themes (Listed in order of importance). You can probably ignore the flavor base and the pictures until a later date, since the former is hard to setup and the latter requires hours of downloading time. Both are nonessential to playing a fun game on MWS online though.

Also, I am currently doing some deckbuilding (of course, using real paper cards and not virtual cards) and I require some common and uncommons in order to quad some decks. So if you used to play MTG or is playing MTG and have spares/old cards that you would like to sell please contact me. Below is a list of cards that I am currently interested in.

Red:
-Burn cards: Volcanic hammer, Tremor, Flamebreak, Lava Spike… I would be interested in most burn cards.
-Land destruction: Stone rain, Wildfire and the like
Blue:
-Counters and ‘return target creature/permanent to hand’: Sorceries and instants such as Mana Leak, Counterspell, Jilt, Regress, Repulse…
-1 blue mana: ‘Target creatures gains flying’ enchantments like Flight, Aboshan’s Desire, Crown of Ascension…
-Cards that let you draw more cards, such as Peek, Thoughtcast….
Black
-Reanimation: Sorceries and instants such as entomb, zombify, animate dead, raise dead…
Green
-Very little I can think of atm, but probably cards like one dozen eyes or symbiotic wurm that lets you get token creatures

White
-Probably heals, or cards like holy day

Note that the list only includes those that I can think of at the time im doing the entry, which means that if you have a stack of cards at home that you don’t know what to do with, the chances are that I would find something useful in there.

Oh Hi

2005-12-13T18:30:00.000+08:00

Arrrgh! My Internet isn’t working! That stupid Motorola modem isn’t working… it’s weird, how it always work at some times and fail at others. And every time it fails, all I gotta do is to switch it off and after a few moments, wola! It gets fixed back. Curious, eh? Actually it’s nothing that curious. With my godly aura its no wonder miracles happen everywhere around the house. So I’m real bored and am writing this so that I can post it later. Oh, I just realized that the Internet is fixed. Until next time, bye.

Cool.

2005-11-12T12:17:00.000+08:00

www.google.com

no prizes for guessing how i did tt.

The new fan-non-fic!

2005-11-02T19:11:00.000+08:00

After 1 afternoon of writing i finally finished this great work.

http://www.geocities.com/atomicmaniac2000/getstrongatkni.doc

I suggest you learn how to play go first before reading that.

The stupid JLPT

2005-11-02T15:31:00.000+08:00

Yes. I already have to mug for this Jabberwocky (nonsensical, just like the poem), Lame and Pointless Test. (JLPT) Or if you are vulgar enough, Jiapenis LanPar Test.

Stupid. I have about 1 month to complete two thick assessment books, one on Vocab and one on grammar. No, its not thick cuz the paper is thick, its thick cuz it has 200+ pages... I regret having taken japanese lor. If i didn't follow my parents' screwed advice and took japanese i would have 0.01 more for my GPA this year. And maybe my parents should realize that the time wasted on japanese perweek is like 8 hours, and thats much more decisive in determining my screwed results than some two three hours of comp games after CT...

You might realize that im posting quite little recently, partially due to me having to mug for JLPT as mentioned above, and partially due to me having to earn money to pay my upkeep for CoM and also due to me spending more time writing my Fan-Non-Fics and possibly Fan-Fics. And of course, reading other peoples Fan-Fics.

Hi its me again

2005-10-29T12:44:00.000+08:00

Hi its me again.

I know i already posted today, but i just was too bored so i decided to post again.

I thought of it for a long time. Since writing fan-fiction is not original anymore, i shall try to write fan-non-fiction. And wola, here it is! Title is "GET STRONG AT MING JU JING HUA". Enjoy.

http://www.geocities.com/atomicmaniac2000/getstrongatmjjh.doc

The stupid CT results

2005-10-29T11:04:00.000+08:00

Hey.

Results back. Everyone is listing their CT results on their respective blogs, so i shall follow suit.

Eng- 24/60
Maths- 33.5/60
Lit-14/25
Chinese-90.5/100
Chem-50/60
Physics-56/60
Bio-57/70
SS-21/25
Jap- Not sure, 70+.

You can see its a major screw up so dun tok to me about see tea or see coffee anymore.

Remember that blog post where i decided i would write some fanfic? Since so many people are already writing fanfic, it has sort of lost its originality so i shan't write any. At least not yet. Going for lanning with band guyz later on at 3.00pm and cant play comp, so shall find something to do to pass the time.

The invisible coffee

2005-10-14T15:16:00.000+08:00

See tea. See no coffee.

Haiz. This blog is really sucky. Just to understand what i mean, go visit tong's blog and a couple of others. u'll realise how sophisticated and artistic my blog layout and design is. You might be thinking right now "oh, this snobbish proud arrogant noobish *&^%$#@^&*(...., his blog is so totally unsophisticated and unartistic." well, if you are thinking that, you are partially right. My blog is totally unsophsticated and unartistic. but if you are partially right, then your must be partially wrong too. and the wrong part is that i am not *&^%$#@^&*(. i am simply the ultimate ruler of the universe. :) Don't get me wrong, my name does not have a .:) in it. That ":)"was just a smiley. and the "." was just a fullstop.

I think i must learn some HTML during the hols so i can make my layout better.

BTW, if you happen to see some weird stuff on my blog, like some posts being only half shown, please do tag me to let me know. i seem to have that prob when i view my own blog.

The mug

2005-10-06T20:03:00.000+08:00

You must be either wondering what the title of this entry means, or not wondering what the title of this entry means. You must be either speculating what are the implications of the title of this entry, or not speculating what the title of this entry means. You must be either understanding what i am talking, or not understand i am talking about. How can i be so sure that there is a remote possibility that you might not understand what i am talking about? Well, i can't be sure that you won't understand what i am talking about, but i definitely can be sure that there is somewhere out there in the infinite of the cosmos that doesnt understand what i am talking about, and doesnt give a damn about what i am talking about. I can be sure because i myself don't understand what i was talking about. And of course, i won't give a damn about anything that i don't understand.

By the way if you happen to be the one who is wondering what this title means, speculating the implacations, and not understanding yet giving a damn of what i was talking about, i just want to tell you that the CTs are coming and if you haven't mugged for your CTs yet you should start doing so. The important placement of the word "mug" in the important place where the title is shows how importantly i view mugging as important. Therefore mugging is important.

But of course, as usual, although mugging is important, i never said that there werent anything more important than mugging. For example, revelation, chinese chess, go and the aquiring of skills in these games are things which are more important. You see, everything is relative, and therefore if i consider everything to be not unimportant, then everything is important, then naturally mugging will be important.

A certain friend of mine, AT, happen to want to write his own fan fiction. According to him he wants to write fanfiction on Warcraft, Star Wars and his own fantasy world. So i shall write my own fan fiction too. And I shall write three fan fictions too. One about DotA, one about hitchhiker's guide and one about... dunno, i will think of that one later.

yeah, that's about all.

and no, my blog entry wasnt about all. it was about whatever it was about, which was not all.

Scripture of Fate

Last of my childhood dreams

Terminal velocity of certain falling flowers

Flying Into the Clouds

Selfish Coward

Schrodinger's Box

Hope is a dangerous thing

I haf 500APM at StarCraft 2....

Congratulations

Part 5a: B World

Part 3: The search for Order gives birth to Time

Part 2: I died

Part 1: Creation

Fantastic Contraptions

Rei Ayanami (still and forever will) rocks

Limit of mortals and the stereotype

Sour Sweet Bitter Spice

Growing Up

Fuck That Shit

Random

Xiang Qi Wang!

Aliens, Espers, Time Travelers. and ... Haruhi!

Haruhi-ism

Sonic (not the hedgehog)

Lightning Bolts

Bungling

Pain of an impossible dream

Rei in 'Rei'l life?

Fire Emblem

Wentao's Lifeskill Lessons Lesson 1: Small Stones Big Stones

Inundated by pain

Me in anime (almost palindrome)

A nice song

All hail the pulchritudinal rei in swimsuit

All hail the pulchritudinal rei

Cellophane

Linkzzz

Flip a coin

Dull

Nothing!

Reviews of 3 animes!

Nonsense

The ancient evil survived

Nihilism

Noises

The Sanctity of Death

Nihilism->Solipsism->Egotheism

Contents

Failed Philosophers

Chicken? Egg?

Diseased heart; Deceased heart.

What is thy feeble request, human?

The dude on the right

The ball has been thrown

Let me forget

Embrace Hedonism

Theism VS Atheism

Forgetting...

The truth about yourself part II: move the universe

The truth about yourself

Butterfly <3 Flower

Bday prayer

#9999CC

Death: The Natural State

Time (2)

Sweet Memories

Time

Splitting Headache

Life- The Fatal Addiction

Presentation!

Wednesday

Comeback

DotA FanFic

DotA FanFic

YES!

p06510vtu3m

CardList

Cranial Plating!

Affinity!

Exodus: Widowmaker